Odd feelings - 7 months after losing my father

[wrex21]

Hi everyone,

I am a 27 y/old male and have just lost my father to melanoma 7 months ago. I am struggling with some difficult feelings and am having trouble sorting through everything. I guess my main concern is if these feelings are here to stay.

2010 was a very difficult year for me. The new year rang off with me coming down literally that night with mono. It was the typical swollen lymph glands in the throat, extreme fatigue, etc. I am married so my wife worked for 3 months while I was off from work recovering. This put me back into my normal work routine around late March or April. This was coupled with an eviction from our apartment in May because the landlord was selling the property. We found another place to live but that was a stressful event. Then in June my father became ill and I had to spend the entire month of July in the hospital with him watching him die a slow and agonizing death. This, of course, dwarfed all of my other trials because of my love for my father. He was one of the most important people in my life.

As I said, I am a very religious person and my faith has sustained me through horrible times. My father was a very faithful and logical man, and I have tried to take the same approach to dealing with his loss.

Now it is 7 months later and I am trying to get back on track with life. Ever since my dad died I have not slacked on anything. I went right back to work, even though it was hard. I have stuck close to all my family responsibilities and I am highly involved in my religion, so my responsibilities there have not taken a break either. I have been trying to exercise regularly as well. I try not to dwell on my father’s death or think negatively. I have tried to go with my own philosophy of moving forward, because if I dwell on the past it will only set me back.

I dream about him almost every night , and have only had one dream where he has been his normal self in the dream. In every other dream he is either in a hospital bed dying, or falling, or something is wrong.

Sometimes my wife asks me how I am dealing with everything, or what I am thinking, but it is very hard to describe. I do not talk to her too often about it, only if she asks me. It isn’t my thoughts that I believe are dragging me down, because I always try to stay positive, but it is the way I feel. When I look in the mirror, I literally almost do not see the same person anymore. It is like I am looking at someone else physically. I feel older and different. I feel that the person I see in older pictures is not the same one I see in a mirror now. It is almost as if I awoke from a 10 year coma or something.

The things that I used to be passionate about no longer interest me as much. I feel like there is nothing to really look forward to. I am thankful for every day of life and every breath I take, but there is an emptiness there. It is like all the old ambitions and drive for living got lost somewhere in the mix.

I think I can associate the emptiness simply with the loss of my father because there is a huge void in my life now. I think my main concern is my perception of myself.

Has anyone else felt this way after losing someone? Will it eventually go away?

[ModKonnie]

Wrex21,

It sounds to me as though you may be suffering from depression, which is part of grieving. You shouldn't feel the way you do forever, however; it should get better.

You may want to talk to a professional about how you are feeling, and you may want to consider an anti-depressant for a short period of time. You've been through alot emotionally AND physically in the past year. Are you eating properly and getting enough rest? What about exercise or "me" time? Stress can make us feel all sorts of ways.

Talking about your emotions and what you are going through also helps, so please, come back and share the story of your father with us.

ModKonnie

[luvinmomofone1]

it sounds like you are having a bout of depression and that is quite normal, i know cuase i am going thru it myself, my dad died christmas morning 2010. go see a professional and they can help, most ppl only need to have help for the short term so no worries. just take care of yourself and talk to your wife, that is part of her job in the relationship. if you love your wife you will let her in and share your feelings..it helps! good luck and sooner or later IT DOES GET BETTER