Lost my brother due to gunshot wound and nobody know how it happened!

[WillC]

Hello, ive been very depressed and emotional the past month or so. I learned that my brother had been found in the river bar a couple days after his death. He died from a shotgun wound entering bis chest and exiting below his ribcage. Its is all so confusing since the police are still investigating and dont know what happened. He was younger than me by 4.5 years. We did his funeral in december but everything just seems to be getting harder for me. It feels as there is a ball of built up anger and emotions that i need to let out but cant. 

[Nicole-my grief journey]

Hi Will. My heart goes out to you. Not sure if you will feel these things will apply to you or not, but wanted to share in case any of it hits home and by some small chance helps. I experienced the feelings, that things were getting harder with each new day for me. I feel my feelings stem from the fact that my shock has worn off. I keep saying that I logically know my brother is gone because I was there and found him, but emotionally I’m in a whole different place. I am finding it more than hard to accept that he is gone. My mind circles with thoughts of what happened? Needing answers that I’ll never have. I’ve always suffered with depression and feel like it is at an all time high for me right now. Not sleeping at night, sleeping too late into the day when I do sleep. I’ve been isolating because I feel that others don’t understand my state of mind and also, so that I don’t have to pretend to feel other than I actually do. I too am also waiting for information about my brothers case from a homicide detective (even though we believe it was an overdose with Fentynl). I can only guess that they are looking for the dealer that sold the deadly product, or that they believe someone was with him and did something. When my best friends brother died of a gun shot wound the detectives didn’t tell her family everything because the case was open and they were searching for whoever did it and what happened. I hope and pray that you get answers as to what happened with your brother. I’m also sending good energy out to you hoping your depression eases up on you. My CBT (therapy) has helped me release some of my emotions that I couldn’t get out. Talking to a grief counselor or a professional in what you are struggling with may really help. I also go to the batting cages and let some of my aggression out.