Moderators KayC Posted January 20, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted January 20, 2018 I've heard this question a thousand times. I'm never sure how to answer because "easier" can be semantics, it's relative. Are you talking about easier in terms of missing them? No. Are you talking about easier in terms of doing life alone? For me, perhaps, for others, perhaps not. I was used to being independent, on my own, before George and I got together. I can take care of myself. But I miss his help, his input, his listening, his personality, his zest for life, everything he brought to my life, and MOST OF ALL, HIS LOVE. I miss his holding me, our cuddling, our sleeping together more than anything. I can hire someone to do some of the work he did around here, some of it I can tackle myself, but I can't hire someone to love me like he did. I have grown more accustomed to this life as it is now and so in that sense it's "easier"...or maybe a better way of putting it is I've just gotten more used to it. I don't like what happened any better. If I could have my way, I'd have him back in a heartbeat! But that's not an option availed to me. So whether you call it easier or just getting more used to or adjusting to this way of life, our grief evolves throughout this grief journey, it doesn't stay the same. It doesn't stay in the same level of pain intensity. Our bodies are resilient. How resilient we are makes a huge difference to our ability to adjust. I ran across this article this morning and thought of all of you, I've heard this question so many times, but it's the first article I have run across on it. I like how they call it not easier, but "different". https://griefwatch.com/does-it-ever-get-easier Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LoveD Posted January 21, 2018 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2018 What you described is so true, KayC! I enjoy experiencing even doing the simple things together with my husband. But he is no longer available. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lovingstill Posted January 21, 2018 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2018 Very true. I was just on the phone with his Dad who seems to be moving on with his life. I guess the grief is different but for me, every day of my life is now changed...and I'm not sure it'll get "easier," it does appear to get different...but not really easier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff In Denver Posted January 21, 2018 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2018 I think it can be different for everyone. My father lost his wife (not my mother) a few months before I lost my girlfriend. When he called to tell me, he first asked about the snowstorm that we were getting. All very matter-of-fact. Since then, he has seemed happier, lighter, and is getting on with life. He's in his late 80s and drinks, parties, travels, and has bought a Maserati. There is nothing wrong with that. That is his experience. It's fine. My experience is very different. When this terrible thing happened in June of 2016, I was in shock and was a total mess for a long time. I went to a grief counselor, which, not surprisingly, didn't help. (But someone else might get something out of it). I have since talked with mediums, I have done two IDAC (induced after death communication) sessions, I see a psychologist twice a month, I study Swedenborg videos, I do afterlife research, etc. I was back east to visit family last spring and they could see that I was having a hard time. This is a void that can't be filled. I think of my girlfriend constantly, usually feel sad, and I miss her terribly. I will never seek another relationship. After the initial shock and horror, everything has settled down to constant sadness, loneliness, regret, and missing her. There are occasional lighter times, but, no matter what, the deep sadness is always there. But again, this is only my experience. I think KayC is right. For many of us, we only get used to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LoveD Posted January 21, 2018 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2018 1 hour ago, Jeff In Denver said: I have since talked with mediums, I have done two IDAC (induced after death communication) sessions, I see a psychologist twice a month, I study Swedenborg videos, I do afterlife research, etc. I was back east to visit family last spring and they could see that I was having a hard time. This is a void that can't be filled. Hi Jeff, could you see your love one on IDAC? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Michelene Posted January 21, 2018 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2018 3 minutes ago, LoveD said: Hi Jeff, could you see your love one on IDAC? What is an IDAC? how do they "induce" something like that? I am not even 2 months into this and each day feels like a new room in my soul has been exposed as empty. If I didn't have our cat, I don't know how I would be doing. I still walk around the house whispering "come back, come back..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LoveD Posted January 21, 2018 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2018 IDAC is the by-product of EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) therapy. Please google dr. Allan Botkin & www.induced-adc.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff In Denver Posted January 21, 2018 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2018 First, I don't mean to sound trite by saying this, but I am sorry about your losses. This is the hardest thing in life. No, I didn't have that connection. I can tell you that it was VERY rough emotionally. EMDR is pretty well-known, it seems, for psychological trauma, but Dr. Botkin has added an additional component to bring about IADC. (Thanks, LoveD). This isn't the the right forum for me to get into afterlife matters, but feel free to send me a private message, or go to afterlifeforums.com if you need some good resources. I have found some information that has given me a little hope. They have been the only things that have helped me. (I wanted to mention that briefly here without pushing it). Everyone has to decide (or not) what works for them. All I know is that I don't know much - if anything. I just like to present some concepts to give people dealing with this more to work with. Please don't hesitate to message me if I can help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LoveD Posted January 21, 2018 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2018 37 minutes ago, Jeff In Denver said: First, I don't mean to sound trite by saying this, but I am sorry about your losses. This is the hardest thing in life. No, I didn't have that connection. I can tell you that it was VERY rough emotionally. EMDR is pretty well-known, it seems, for psychological trauma, but Dr. Botkin has added an additional component to bring about IADC. (Thanks, LoveD). This isn't the the right forum for me to get into afterlife matters, but feel free to send me a private message, or go to afterlifeforums.com if you need some good resources. I have found some information that has given me a little hope. They have been the only things that have helped me. (I wanted to mention that briefly here without pushing it). Everyone has to decide (or not) what works for them. All I know is that I don't know much - if anything. I just like to present some concepts to give people dealing with this more to work with. Please don't hesitate to message me if I can help. Thanks for sharing your coping experience, Jeff! It was said that the connection only happened in 50% of patients. I will definitely check out afterlifeforums.com first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 21, 2018 Author Moderators Report Share Posted January 21, 2018 https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2016/03/in-grief-using-eye-movement.html http://blog.healthjourneys.com/update-from-belleruth/emotional-freedom-technique-eft-may-look-weird-but-if-it-gets-the-job-done-do-we-care.html https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2010/03/using-emotional-freedom-techniques-eft.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff In Denver Posted January 22, 2018 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2018 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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