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Ruby40

I don't like my house now my best friend gone

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On 1/4/2018 at 4:21 PM, Ruby40 said:

I need people to talk to please in similar situations.  Last night I lost my best friend Mak who was 13 but so poorly.

The house isn't the same....I hate it 

20180103_230149.png

Awww, what a beautiful friend. I am so sorry for your loss!

 

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@Ruby40, I just read your response. It's been just over two weeks now and I think I've only had one day where I could smile wistfully and not just sob outright at least once. It doesn't help that with each new person I see, they want to console me. I don't want to forget him, I don't want to be a recluse, but I just want to be strong enough to stop crying. 

I'm glad it's getting better for you and that you find solace in his brother. I'm sure it will be hard to lose him, too, but you can't shut yourself off to his love. A lot of times, I have noticed my remaining pets pick up characteristics of their deceased buddies. Who knows? Maybe they had them all along and we just didn't notice.

I have remaining dogs. It's just that he was the one who sought me out time and again through the day. Of course, I do the same to all my dogs, to give them hugs and treats, etc. It's just that he would come find me, as if to say, Hey! I was just thinking about you.

@KayC, Thank you for your encouragement. I also lost my husband. He had cancer and we knew he only had a year or two. So, I think, while still devastating when it happened, I had worked through some of the stages prior to losing him.

I am also a caregiver for my dad who is a 2 time cancer survivor. Then, to lost this guy just shy of his 7th birthday to cancer. After he battled so hard and doors kept opening to try to keep him alive, I had just started to hope again. I think that's why it's so tough with him. Basically, he had special needs for the whole past year, so it's harder to fill that empty caregiver space.

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@Ruby40 Okie loved to meet and play with new dogs. I hope he and Mak are keeping each other company while they learn the ropes at the Rainbow Bridge. I also found this site and found it helpful to create a memorial for my boy. Maybe it will help you, too?

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/OKIE001/Resident.htm

If you pay for the site, a portion of the money goes to rescue agencies. :D

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I'm sorry to hear about your loss, he was a sweet dog that's easy to tell. 

I lost my cat in November and it's still very difficult. I really relate to the way you're feeling. He was always by my side or laying on me. Every morning he would stare up at me when I did my make up/got ready for the day. I thought I had a lot more time with him... 

Anyway, the guilt part, that's difficult. I felt guilty because I would yell (more like speak sternly) at my cat when he cried at 3, 4, 5, 6 AM every day. It really got to me and I felt like such a piece of garbage. I spoke to my therapist about it and he did this great exercise called "Collect the Evidence" with me that you should try. You act as both the prosecution and defense in this situation. So for me, I named all the ways I showed him love and the ways he showed that he loved me. Then at the end I named the reasons I wasn't a great pet owner and realized that being annoyed with someone I love is normal, and the positives FAR outweighed the negatives. Even though our situations are different, it might be nice to try.

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Sparkyn98, I am so sorry for your losses and for what you're going through. I cannot imagine how it is to lose one's partner, to count the days that one  has with them while they're still here...my heart goes out to you for this loss and the loss of your doggie.He looks so sweet. Two weeks is such a short time after loss. Give yourself time. Their absence will always leave this hole in us, the missing and the sadness will always be there but the crying will be less frequent over time. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your family,your dad and your other doggies. I wish you strength during this very hard time.

Pudge'sMom I am so sorry for your loss too.We always think we have more time with our pets, we cannot imagine them not being here. And when they go it is such a shock ,they leave this emptiness behind... I lost my cat in September and it's still very difficult for me too.I hope you let go of the guilt, because no one is a perfect parent but our pets can feel our love, they read our hearts. Thank you for posting this exercise here, it is very useful. I hope your pain will lessen over time.

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14 hours ago, Pudge'sMom said:

I spoke to my therapist about it and he did this great exercise called "Collect the Evidence" with me that you should try. You act as both the prosecution and defense in this situation. So for me, I named all the ways I showed him love and the ways he showed that he loved me. Then at the end I named the reasons I wasn't a great pet owner and realized that being annoyed with someone I love is normal, and the positives FAR outweighed the negatives. Even though our situations are different, it might be nice to try.

That sounds like a great idea!

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