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My husband killed himself on the 26th of November 2017 .... he checked into a hotel and ended his life by using a hellium hood I don’t know how to cope with my emotions I’m still so shocked and have been putting on a mask each day if only for my daughters but deep inside I am desperately unhappy and the overwhelming grief is so painful I don’t know how to get out of this black hole I’m in ..... don’t really want to do the new year it was so hard doing Christmas but we got through it somehow. 

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I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m spending New Years with my family. Just taking it one moment at a time. I’m sorry that you’ve joined this forum but there are many people here who will give you advice and guidance. My husband died in his sleep on November 6th. I have 2 teenage daughters. It’s very difficult. Please check in here often. Prayers coming your way. 

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Cb261117

I am so sorry for your loss, suicide is hard because you're not only dealing with the loss but a thousand whatifs.  You don't say if you've seen a grief counselor yet or not but it could be of tremendous help to do so.  I hope you will check out these links, you aren't alone but it can feel like that, it's good to reach out for help and support.

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/10/seeing-specialist-in-grief-counseling.html 

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/03/grief-support-for-survivors-of-suicide.html 

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/11/surviving-spouses-suicide.html 

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/03/explaining-suicide-to-child.html

 

 

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I'm glad you have an appointment.  Hold on for that then.  And if the counselor doesn't resonate with you and you've given it three tries, find another one.  They aren't all the same.

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I’m so sorry for your loss, cb. Not long now till you see a counselor.  I’ll bump up a thread I started a while back that may help you get through the days.  I am in need of reading it again myself tonight.  

Know my thoughts are with you and I’m sending you strength, love and hugs XX 

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Thank you M88 I am finding this forum very helpful at the moment it’s been real tuff taking baby steps at the moment since my husbands passing we have all had flu and now my youngest has been admitted to hospital with a breast abscess and suspected sepsis I want something good to happen in our lives this last five weeks have been the worst I have ever had  to deal with .... thank you for your kind words really appreciate it

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Awe, cb, I do feel for you with your child having such a health problem and being in hospital and for having to cope with you all having the flu ! Illness on top of grief is tough to handle.  I wish your child a quick recovery. 

We all here, desperately need and live in hope of something good to happen in our lives but sadly, in early grief we can only be grateful for the little things that occur occasionally, to lighten our sad days.  The road to healing is very long and full of pitfalls.  But one day, we may all have that something good happen.  In the meantime take heart from the kind, helpful people here in our special wee grief family.  We’re all here for the same reason and understand each other like no other can. 

I looked at many grief forums before deciding to join this one.  It was a wise choice and after venting my woes on another thread here last night, today I feel less angst and have been more productive than I was yesterday.  

Love n hugs to you XX

 

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@Cb 261117

I'm so sorry, you're new in this and then the holidays and the flu, it's got to be hard t hold up, and especially worrying about your child.  Hold on, it won't always stay as bad as it is now.  I hope you have a good counselor.

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On 12/30/2017 at 6:03 PM, Cb 261117 said:

My husband killed himself on the 26th of November 2017 .... he checked into a hotel and ended his life by using a hellium hood I don’t know how to cope with my emotions I’m still so shocked and have been putting on a mask each day if only for my daughters but deep inside I am desperately unhappy and the overwhelming grief is so painful I don’t know how to get out of this black hole I’m in don’t really want to do the new year it was so hard doing Christmas but we got through it somehow. 

I am so sorry for your loss and can only imagine your pain.  Losing a loved one from natural causes is never easy; however, when you lose someone to suicide, it can feel different from other types of loss.  I think people who die by suicide don't necessarily want to end their lies, they just want to tend their pain; and being a victim of their own mind,  can be easy for them to do.  

Losing a partner is always difficult so expect to experience all kinds of emotions; and with grief, you will have intense ups and downs and everything in between; the healing process is always hard, but going through a suicide death makes the healing process even more challenging. Grieving is important and necessary.   You've lost your husband and your world has been torn apart; grieving is the process that helps put it back together.   I know of the black hole you refer to because I was there and felt the same as you.  But know that you can somehow get through it, it won't be easy and will definitely take sometime, but you eventually will climb out of it.  I was there where you are, wearing that mask around family and friends, trying to hide what I was really going through, and you know what -  in my opinion, was the wrong thing for me to do.  Life is too short to hide your feelings so don't be afraid to say what you feel.What can certainly help is reaching out to friends, family, and supportive others when you want to talk or need distraction; but if you feel as if you're losing all control, and  worried that you aren't coping, perhaps it is time to seek professional help. 

It is said that time heals all wounds; I don't know if it does or not - I'm not there yet.  I do know that as time goes on, your grief will diminish somewhat.  It won't be so intense or unbearable; but it does not mean you will forget your husband, it means you accept the death and will no longer enjoy his physical presence. But he will still be part of your life. Even though your relationship with your husband has forever have changed, its existence and your feelings live on forever.

I don't know what the year 2018 will bring or have in stored any of us; no one knows what the future will bring, but I know who holds my future -  God Almighty.  And as long as I'm in HIS hands, I'm sure I'll be alright!  My prayers are with you and I hope this year brings you peace.


 

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Thank you for your prayers and support I am glad I have come across this forum as I think my lonely bedtime became unbearable at least I know I’m not alone lots of thanks 

regards cb x

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21 hours ago, M88 said:

Awe, cb, I do feel for you with your child having such a health problem and being in hospital and for having to cope with you all having the flu ! Illness on top of grief is tough to handle.  I wish your child a quick recovery. 

We all here, desperately need and live in hope of something good to happen in our lives but sadly, in early grief we can only be grateful for the little things that occur occasionally, to lighten our sad days.  The road to healing is very long and full of pitfalls.  But one day, we may all have that something good happen.  In the meantime take heart from the kind, helpful people here in our special wee grief family.  We’re all here for the same reason and understand each other like no other can. 

I looked at many grief forums before deciding to join this one.  It was a wise choice and after venting my woes on another thread here last night, today I feel less angst and have been more productive than I was yesterday.  

Love n hugs to you XX

 

Thank you xx

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19 hours ago, Francine said:

I think people who die by suicide don't necessarily want to end their lies, they just want to tend their pain; and being a victim of their own mind,  can be easy for them to do.  

I so agree.  I have said before, when I was early in my grief I wanted to hit a telephone pole at 120 mph...then I realized it's not that I wanted to die, I just didn't want to go through what I knew I'd have to go through if I lived.  So I set out to figure out how to help myself through this the best way I could.  Taking care of myself gives myself the best quality and clarity of mind I can hope for, so I eat healthy, walk every day, try to maintain a balance with being around other people, have purpose in my life, etc.  I've actually been hammered about my statement about suicide because some people felt I was oversimplifying...I'm not.  I know some have mental illness or other conditions and for them it makes it very hard, in their minds, to fight to live and keep on until things get better.  Hope is so essential to our survival!  For many people, they can't see that hope, and they give in and give up.  I guess the thing to remember is it wasn't a vote against staying with us, their real consideration was that they just didn't feel they could do this anymore.  crying-face_1f622.png.45c4e055372165b2bb21fabc0072adaa.png

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