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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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Kham

Here one day gone the same

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On Monday December 4th I had to put my dog down unexpectedly.  He was 7 years old and I had, had him since he was 7.5 weeks old. I had trained him to be by my side since the day i got him, i have high anxiety, panic attacks, struggle with depression etc so he was my companion. Whenever I would go in a room he would follow me, he was my shadow. He had been having bathroom problems so we took him into the vet and they did some tests and gave us some meds. It didn't work, he stopped eating so three days later we took him back and he did more tests and everything was alright, so they gave him two injections. It worked for 24 hrs he ate well and his bathroom situation was getting better. Then everything positive stopped. He wouldn't eat, his bathroom situation was BAD, and he wasn't okay. So on Monday I made an emergency appointment for him and he didn't want to get out of the car when we got to the vets office. Thankfully my husbands mother works as a vet tech at the place we took him so she was able to help me get him out of the car. We got into the room and the vet came into the room and started to check him over and then that is when she felt his neck. His lymph nodes were swollen really bad so she took xrays and confirmed it. He had cancer and she would be surprised if he made it 48 more hours and he was in a lot of pain. So I called my husband so he could come say goodbye. I never expected to loose my baby that day. He was in a lot of pain and we had to do the kindest thing we could. I am not handling this well at all. I feel alone even though technically I'm not. My husband has a dog so there is still one in the house but he isn't my dog. I don't know who I am without my dog, he was such a huge part of my day/life. I cry everyday and miss him so badly. I know everyone says it will get better and it is still new but I really just am so lost. I lost a huge part of my heart that day in that vets office.

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Hi Kham, Wow I am SO sorry for your loss. Too young and very sudden for such a horrible discovery.

I lost my cat suddenly and he was a huge part of our lives as we work at home, he was basically our child and we adored him. So... I understand not handling it well at all too. I didn't eat or sleep well the first few days. 

Of course it will get better. But having been through the last 4 months of the grieving process, at least for me, it has been slow. Feeling a little better then a wave of grief will hit and knock me over. Easily one of saddest times in my life. You don't just wake up one day and you are normal. I am not trying to depress you, I am just saying that you will need to be kind and patient with yourself as you have lost your dog along with your rituals and daily life routines you had with him. It is a big shock and a big loss. Of course you feel lost and alone. You just do your best one day at a time.

I have used this forum as a big part of my healing. I have had to write out my feelings along the way. The devastation is too much to hold in and not a lot of people understand as we do here. I wish you peace at this time, my heart goes out to you. 

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Kham,

I am so sorry for the loss of your dog.  Unexpected sudden loss is really hard to digest.  The grief process is all too slow and painful, but eventually the intensity lessens to something we are better able to handle and live with, although we continue to miss them.  It helps me to focus on their not having any more pain, but that doesn't help the hollow ache inside of you as you just plain miss them being with you.  It's okay to talk out loud to him, write him a note, whatever helps.  I lost my husband and the missing him has never gone away, and now I've lost several pets since he died and it's more to miss, so I know it's hard.  It's helped me to try to stay in today and focus on what is rather than merely what isn't.  Have you done something to honor or memorialize him?  Sometimes those rituals we do help us with processing our grief.  These are two very different articles but I find both have something to lend in the way of support.

https://elainemansfield.com/2012/creating-a-grief-ritual-love-loss-and-continuing-bonds/#more-953 

http://ezinearticles.com/?Rituals-And-Routines-That-Help-Mourning&id=7370061

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Oh Kham I am so sorry...To lose them so young adds to the heartache even more. My kitty was only six when she passed, I still can't get over this unfairness. All the feelings you describe are so familiar, to me and to all of us here . Our lives, our purpose, our very identity fall to pieces .We have to live with this hole in our heart when we lose our pets. I won't lie to you, this hole that has their shape will be forever there and no other pet can fill it but we will learn to live with it.It is a slow process but with time the pain will get better. Take it one day at a time and be kind to yourself.Let yourself cry and grieve and get it all out, even better with people who understand.

Like AJWCat this forum has helped so much in processing my grief.Everybody here understands what it's like. I wish you healing and strength in this difficult time.

 

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