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loraine518

Lost my soulmate and not sure how to go on.

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In september this year I took my dog Harvey-Moon to the vet as I was worried he was struggling with life, my vet thought he had suffered a stroke a few days before, whilst we were away. Harvey was holding his head to one side, was afraid to come downstairs and kept falling over he was also almost blind and had an inner ear problem. 

On the vets advice I decided to Have him PTS, I also decided to have it done straight away, as I did not want him to suffer and did nto know if I would be brave enough to take him back knowing what would happen. So I looked into his eyes and told him I loved him and that it was time for him to go and play at Rainbow bridge and run free with the angels, I hugged him and spoke to him until he was gone. 

We brought him home and buried him in a soft fleecy blanket in the garden he loved, I don't think I have ever cried so much as I did the next two days, I could not eat or sleep and seemed to have no energy. my boss gave me the day after off work and then I went back to work, the staff knew but not my clienst. I cried all the way to work and when my collegues expressed their sympathy, but managed to keep my tears at bay, mostly. 

The next few days are a blur, little things kept reminding me that Harvey-Moon had gone and I cried a lot. At the weekend I went out with my daughter and grandchildren and actually had a lovely day, but then I felt guilty for enjoying myself and was worried that I was getting over it  too soon and was a heartless person.

I had decided to make a memorial garden to help me deal with my pain and now it is a beautiful enclosed area, with lights and flowers and is very peaceful and beautiful place, this has bought me a lot of comfort as I sit and talk to Harvey-moon often. I also wrote him a letter, explaining everything and telling him how much i loved him and I wrote several peoms to him.

I thought I was starting to come to terms with losing Harvey-Moon and had even managed to buy some christmas decorations and start making plans, although I knew this would be a sad time without him. I would have bad days, like what would have been Harvey-Moon's 15th birthday a month after he died. But I really thought I was improving.

However this week has been terrible again, I keep crying and feel overwhelmingly sad several times a day. I had hoped to feel his presence or dream about him, but all I keep seeing is his face when I held him as the vet injected him. I alternate between feeling guilty incase I let him suffer or sent him off to soon, neither of which I really believe, until the doubts creep in. 

I have two other dogs, one is Harvey-Moon's grandson and I really love them, but Harvey-Moon was my soulmate and I am finding it very hard to come to terms with losing him. He helped me through some very tough times over the last almost 15 years and I feel like my heart has been torn in two. I am not sure how to move on.

Pictures are Harvey-Moon and his memorial garden.

 

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I am so sorry for your loss, losing our soulmate dog can be one of the hardest losses we can experience.  I like that you built a memorial garden, that's very nice.

When we grieve it's important to give ourselves permission to smile.  Grief is forever, but it evolves with time, it doesn't stay the same in our journey.  We need breaks from it, we can't handle the constant moping and tears, it takes it's toll on us.  I remember after my husband died running across an article on giving yourself permission to smile again.  It impacted me.  Always we remember them and many times with tears, but the smiles give us strength to continue our journey.  

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@loraine518, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Harvey-Moon, what a name! And what a cutie, I love his picture. 

I lost my cat in August and I will say my process has been very up and down. The first few weeks were pretty horrible. First couple days I could barely function honestly. I didn't want to eat, could barely sleep, I was devastated. 

Then I got a little better and thought, as you did, I was kind of "back to normal." But then, the next day I would not feel healed at all. I felt like I was losing him all over again and I was still heartbroken. This whole process, this journey, is unpredictable.

We have shared many analogies here but an ever changing compass is one. So, all you can do is take it one day at a time. Be patient. I come here because it has helped me mentally process all my emotions as they evolve. Sometimes I am so sad, I have to share it somewhere. So, if that helps you at all, know that we will read your posts and we understand. We know your pain all too well. What a wonderful life you had with your sweet Harvey-Moon, it is understandable that you will need some to time to deal with his absence and mourn him.

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Thank you for the replies, I find it helps to share my feelings with people who understand as a lot of the time I am trying to hide my sadness as I know many won't understand.

I am sorry to hear about your cat AJWCat, I also have cats and know I would be very sad to lose them, it just seems so unfair that our beloved pets do not live nearly as long as we do, yet we know this when we get them and I do think the pain is more than worth all the pleasure they bring. 

I think sometimes the sadness hits me so suddenly and there are so many things that remind me of Harvey-Moon, he was such a gentle, loving soul. But I also think I am beginning to heal and maybe I should as Kay said allow myself to smile again, without feeling guilty.  

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loraine518

God be with you today and all of the others here missing their pets that they love.  I hope for all of us to find something good today that we can embrace and appreciate, even if only for just that moment.  It is for the present moment that I live...until I can be with my beloved husband, pets, and parents, and so many more I've lost over the years...once again.

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Thanks @KayC, same to you. I am sorry for the many many losses you have had, all the pets and of course your husband. I am very grateful to have found this forum... and appreciate everyone here, including you and @Maria9. I am so grateful for the years we did get with our sweet "C" cat, one of many names we had for him. I do miss him terribly today. My heart is aching. I have a framed photo of him on my desk and look at his cute face everyday.   

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Loraine I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet Harvey-Moon, he was beautiful .I love the garden that you made for him, it looks.....magical.  No, you're not a heartless person, nothing could be further than the truth. You loved your doggie so much. Like AJWCat said, the journey through grief is unpredictable. One moment you're fine, then you start crying. One day you're ok, the next day you're in that dark place of pain. It's like this. Yes, KayC is right, allow yourself to smile, without guilt. That's what your doggie would want you to do. You will always have the love you shared, this is forever.                                                                                                                                                                                                                              I know  what it means to hide your sadness because people don't understand, we all do. But here in this forum you can write all you feel, anytime, everyone understands .It helps with the grief, it has helped me so much. I am so sorry for your pain, be patient with yourself. Healing takes time.                                                                                                                                                                      

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3 hours ago, KayC said:

God be with you today and all of the others here missing their pets that they love.  I hope for all of us to find something good today that we can embrace and appreciate, even if only for just that moment.  It is for the present moment that I live...until I can be with my beloved husband, pets, and parents, and so many more I've lost over the years...once again

 

1 hour ago, AJWCat said:

Thanks @KayC, same to you. I am sorry for the many many losses you have had, all the pets and of course your husband. I am very grateful to have found this forum... and appreciate everyone here, including you and @Maria9. I am so grateful for the years we did get with our sweet "C" cat, one of many names we had for him. I do miss him terribly today. My heart is aching. I have a framed photo of him on my desk and look at his cute face everyday.   

Thank you KayC and AJWCat  .:wub:   I am so grateful too, to have found you, and everyone else in  this forum. It's been like a lifeline for me when I was drowning, from the first day I wrote here. I am also so grateful too that I got to share this love and these years with my kitty ,and for my family and pets.

KayC I am sorry for all your losses too..... May you have many joyful and peaceful moments in your life.                                                                                                                 

May you too, AJWCat. I am sorry you are having such a hard day. I know how it is. Some days my heart feels so heavy I almost can't breathe. There will be days like this.And there will be lighter days. I hope they become more and more as time goes by.                                                                                                                                                                                           I haven't put my kitty's framed photo anywhere yet. It will be like reminding me that she's gone and it's still hard for me to accept this , strange as it sounds.

 

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Thank you I am so grateful to have found somewhere that people are so caring, kind and non judgmental and I can feel safe to say how I am feeling. I am so sorry to hear about the losses you have suffered, maybe our grief  draws us together.I am slowly starting to mend, sat In my angels garden tonight and for the first time thought of him and talked to him and managed not to cry. How proud would he have been of me, he was the most loving, gentle soul I have ever known and I know he would hate me to be sad, which helps me. The last two days I have been better, but I am sure there will ber bad days to come, know when we get a christmas tree it will be hard, cos Harvey-Moon walked into it so often last year as his eyesight was so bad. I had to put back the decorations many times. I did think as he was getting old and starting to have problems that I would enjoy him and putting back the decorations was a small price to pay to have him with us and happy. I kind of knew it was our last christmas, but refused to really accept it and would give anything to have him back, as I am sure most of us would. 

 

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It was a long drive up there and back yesterday, a lot of people, but it was good to have time with my daughter and she did half the driving, and of course seeing my grandbabies is always a highlight.  My DIL fixed a wonderful meal, so it was a good day, but it's always good to come home too, home is where we are in our sanctuary, comfortable.

Loraine, it will be hard to do these things without Harvey-moon there.  Oh how I know!

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On 22 November 2017 at 4:25 PM, AJWCat said:

@loraine518, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Harvey-Moon, what a name! And what a cutie, I love his picture. 

I lost my cat in August and I will say my process has been very up and down. The first few weeks were pretty horrible. First couple days I could barely function honestly. I didn't want to eat, could barely sleep, I was devastated. 

Then I got a little better and thought, as you did, I was kind of "back to normal." But then, the next day I would not feel healed at all. I felt like I was losing him all over again and I was still heartbroken. This whole process, this journey, is unpredictable.

We have shared many analogies here but an ever changing compass is one. So, all you can do is take it one day at a time. Be patient. I come here because it has helped me mentally process all my emotions as they evolve. Sometimes I am so sad, I have to share it somewhere. So, if that helps you at all, know that we will read your posts and we understand. We know your pain all too well. What a wonderful life you had with your sweet Harvey-Moon, it is understandable that you will need some to time to deal with his absence and mourn him.

I'm sorry you've lost Harvey-moon, well in this world anyway   My belief is we see all of our loved ones again. I'm a professional clairvoyant and I "see" many pets come back in readings for clients. They are always happy, and usually being looked after by someone in spirit who knows us.  My beautiful dog of 14 years passed yesterday. She was my loyal constant companion all that time through good and bad times. I was. "Given" her all those years ago because she changed the course of my life and without her, I would have gone down a very negative road. So our pets come to us for a reason and when that reason has ended, then their job is done and they can let go.  I know she tried her best to stay longer, but she was suffering so the decision was made.  I'm heartbroken and can hardly function but I do know she is safe in heaven now.  She came to me last night as young and vibrant as she used to be and I asked her forgiveness in aiding her passing. 

But she said it was her time and that she would always be near me until we meet again.  I feel her next to me now, her warm cuddly body ( staffy). And it does bring me comfort, and I hope you too, that we never "die". Our energy lives on and one day, your energy will mix with your dog and you will be together forever. I hope this helps 

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This is my first time on this forum so please forgive me sending my message to the wrong person. But it goes the same for any pet. 

I do hope you can find some comfort in it. 

Time is a great healer. We will never forget them but the pain will ease 

miriam xx

 

 

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Miriam,

Your response is kind and well appreciated.  I am sorry for your loss, it is so hard.  I don't think we even need to ask forgiveness for helping them out of their suffering, I think they understand that we want only to help them and do what is best for them.  It is something that goes against our grain as we want with all of our being to hold onto them as well.  And we do, in spirit.  I agree with you, I believe we will be together again and that this is not the end, but a wait.

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Miriam thank you for your kind and comforting message. I am so sorry for your loss. ...I know how heartbreaking this is, we all do. It takes a while for us to be able to function again, this is normal.

Sometimes , in my good moments, I feel my kitty is still with me. I too believe that the bond we have with our pets is eternal and after they leave their body behind they accompany us in spirit form.It is this belief that keeps me going...

Keep posting here when you feel like it. We are here to share. I hope you find healing in your loss.

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Thank you all for your kind messages it really does help to be able to post when the sadness hits and to know others understand what you are going through.

I am so sorry to hear of all the losses you have all suffered.

Miriam444, I really hope that Harvey-Moon is being looked after until we can meet again. I really thought I would be abe to feel his presence, but so far I haven't which sometimes has made me think he is upset with me and maybe I got it wrong. I have felt a little better the last few days as I decided to allow myself to feel sad instead of trying to hide from my feelings and although I still cry I do remember his funny little ways with a smile.

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Loraine your doggy is not upset with you, this is your guilt speaking .He loves you and he knows you like no one else. He understands everything you did. It is hard,almost impossible ,to feel their presence when we are missing them so much ,these things are contradictory.It takes effort to change from one point of view to the other . ( Feeling they're here vs feeling they're not here anymore.)Do not put pressure on yourself ,allow yourself to feel what you feel .And yes, when the sadness hits post here, do not carry it alone. I am glad there are smiles within your grief.

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Thank you Maria, mostly I know I made the right decision for him, just sometimes when I am feeling at my lowest I get doubts. I do feel like it is this site and lovely comments from people like you that are helping me to get through and I really appreciate your kindness.

I feel like I am moving on and whilst I will always feel sadness at losing Harvye-Moon, I feel like I am starting to accept that he is gone for now and that it was his time to leave. I can relate to what you said earlier about our pets comming to us for a reason, I don't think I would have coped a few years ago without him as I went through a very bad phase in my life and he saved me. 

I have just ordered a christmas tree decoration with his photo on it, as I have been unsure about getting a tree this year and I think that will help. I also love to go and sit in his garden, which I keep adding to. I feel closer to him there and it is so peaceful. 

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@Miriam444, sorry to hear that your beautiful sweet dog passed. I feel for you and I know how difficult it is to function. I found your post comforting though - and how lucky you are that she came to you in a dream. I am more like @loraine518 - I never felt my cat's presence for some time. Loraine - I thought the same thing about my cat! I feared he was mad about what happened to him. But I now I know he was not. 

I think I was literally blinded by my grief. (As Maria said so well.)

So much wisdom here on this forum.

Anyway, I felt it more several weeks later. Sadly I have never had a really good dream about him. He was in one but I didn't really see him well. I have so many great photos of him, and memories. But then the memory of his last hours creep in and they are so awful. So I have to stick to the photos - better days. :( 

 

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We may not always feel their presence, the Bible describes it as a veil separating the two worlds, but I know they're there all the same and proceed on faith that we'll be together again.  I like to think they know what we're feeling, they know our love and care for them.

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5 hours ago, AJWCat said:

@Miriam444, sorry to hear that your beautiful sweet dog passed. I feel for you and I know how difficult it is to function. I found your post comforting though - and how lucky you are that she came to you in a dream. I am more like @loraine518 - I never felt my cat's presence for some time. Loraine - I thought the same thing about my cat! I feared he was mad about what happened to him. But I now I know he was not. 

I think I was literally blinded by my grief. (As Maria said so well.)

So much wisdom here on this forum.

Anyway, I felt it more several weeks later. Sadly I have never had a really good dream about him. He was in one but I didn't really see him well. I have so many great photos of him, and memories. But then the memory of his last hours creep in and they are so awful. So I have to stick to the photos - better days. :( 

 

I really hope that I do feel Harvey-Moon's presence at some point, even if it takes a while, as I am sure I will find this a great comfort. 

I also love looking at the photos I have of him, unfortunately I no longer have any photos of him before he was 6 years old as they were all lost, so I have to try to rely on memories of him as a puppy and young dog.

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I have just come across this forum, I'm not really sure how it all works so forgive me if I use it wrong! 

I totally understand how it feels to not have people understand when you lose a pet! It's frustrating and can make you feel silly but we are NOT!

A loss is a loss! 

I lose my kitten, he was run over by a car, here one minute, gone the next. I just couldn't believe it. He was a baby. 

All of your writing on here is so wonderful and supportive and it's so lovely frankly to know that others have ben effected by the same thing too. 

I don't know if this will help at all but I wrote this song after Trevor died (I'm a musician and it's the only thing I could do at the time) and it really helped me to grief and honor him. I wrote the song just for myself to help me but then decided to release it just in case it could do the same for somebody else. 

Now that I am on here and reading all of your stories I am really glad I did. I hope with all my heart that it can offer some relief to some of you. 

All my love,

Stella

 

 

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I'm glad my post gave you some comfort @AJWCat  loosing a beloved pet leaves a big hole in our lives.  For myself, I believe my darling dog is safe now.  Free from any pain and at peace.  I will be forever  thankful that we shared our life for 14 years  with unconditional love and loyalty to one another. But soon, when life starts to say to us "hey!"

here I am !"  Then Move forward and remember her but don't dwell on the loss.  As @KayC says it's mentioned in the bible describing a veil between worlds. When an animal passes over, they go straight to the spirit world because they are innocent. The same for children.  The angels swoop them up and carry them safely home.  To The summerlands. 

As the name implies, it is summer there all the time. It is full of beautiful colours, more vivid than any on earth. The presence of a guiding hand is there.  Here is where our pets "live".  Enclosed in love and feeling the love coming to them from us with our thoughts. This is the cord that binds us and this is the cord that enables us to communicate with them and feel them around us. 

My beautful girl is there along with all the other animals that we've loved and cared for and one day, we will be reunited. 

I'm not a bible thumper nor do I want to ram my opinion down others throats...each to their own belief, but my belief is that God takes care of those who care for animals and that they have a special part in His heart. 

All living things are matter and energy. When the matter dies, the energy lives on , like electric. We can't see it but we know it's there 

You can have high energy or low energy but never no energy!

My thoughts go out to you tonight. 

The pain of your loss will subside in time. The sharp, dagger like stabs to your heart will subside and be replaced with happy memories and a celebration of their lives.  It's a natural grieving process. 

Xxxx

 

 

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Stella,

I'm sorry your kitten was run over.  Your song is a beautiful tribute to her, to the love that continues still and how she affected you.

Miriam,

I don't believe we should cram our beliefs down anyone's throat either, I'm sure there's a lot of differing beliefs represented, but I also believe our animals go to heaven and are fine now and at peace and we'll be with them again.  Getting through this grief is hard enough, it helps to have some belief in their continuation.  I've been on grief sites for 12 1/2 years, since my husband died, and lead a grief support group, and it's been my experience that those who have no beliefs at all grieve all the harder because we all need hope.  To those, I encourage them to keep an open mind for the possibilities, to realize that we don't know everything and there are some things that are unexplainable, that is the beauty and mystery of life, and that does seem to help if we can do that.

You are right that the intensity of pain does diminish as we begin to adjust to our loss, it does take great time and is different for us all, but I've seen the memories which once brought me pain change into memories that bring me a smile now.

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Stella,

thank you for sharing your song with us, what a lovely tribute to your cat, I am sorry you lost her so young, it is always painful to lose a beloved pet and if we can find ways to heal like doing some sort of tribute to them, I think it helps. 

I wrote a poem the day I lost my dog, called goodbye Harvey-Moon, I have also written several since and wrote him a letter explaining everything to him, I believe this has helped me. 

Miriam and KayC, I also like to think our animals go to heaven and that we will be reunited with them, and all the loved ones we have lost, one day. I agree that without that belief I would find it much harder to get over the loss of a loved one. I have friends who have completely different beliefs to me and we respect each others different beliefs. 

I think just being able to talk about how you are feeling with others who understand is very healing in itself and am thankful that I have found this forum.

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