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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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Janey

Traumatised by my brother's death

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I am new to this forum and don't know if I'm using it correctly but I need help. My brother died 2 days ago after a long battle with cancer. We were with him regularly (we live 3 hours away) and constantly in the final days.  He deteriorated so quickly at the end and died with all his family around him

 I had expected his death to be peaceful but just before he died he spent 20minutes shouting for us to help him and screaming. He finally calmed when the nurse came round and sedated him

 He died soon after.  I am haunted by his final 24 hours and am having panic attacks where I am convinced the only way I will feel better is to get him back.  I am overwhelmed with pain and grief.

 

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Dear Janey,

Sending you love and hugs. I am so sorry. I know its really hard right now. Please know we are all here for you. I know words are inadequate during such a difficult time. I hope you will reach out and consider talking to a grief counsellor.

Thinking of you.  With all my thoughts and prayers.

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I'm very sorry for your loss Janey. It must have been horrible to see your brother shouting and screaming like that and that is a difficult memory to live with. 

My brother died last year and I can relate to your experience. He was a very healthy and fit teenager and he was in an accident and ended up in a coma. His body was struggling to stay alive and we were told that he would not be able to breathe without a machine or talk, eat etc. On the day we said goodbye we were told that his body was slowly giving up and we had to let him go. Seeing him take his last breaths was horrific for my whole family as he took an hour to stop breathing off the machine and you could see his body was trying to fight. I sometimes experience flashbacks and panic attacks and struggle with this memory. 

I think I possibly have PTSD over this incident and it sounds like you may be experiencing the same. 

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