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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

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I had to make one of the toughest decisions for my dog last week to put him down it hurt so much but I did not want my dog to continue to suffer . He was diagnosed with lung cancer and started to spread his breathing had decreased and was very minimal . Everything happened so fast we literally got news on Friday after I rushed him to the vet and Saturday we put him down since he started to get worse . I miss him dearly and the last moments spent with him don’t leave my mind . Coming home and being home really messes with me because I miss him so much . It’s been a week already and I feel like it’s been an eternity already . I really miss my best friend my furry little son I miss you !!! 

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Midian   

I’m so sorry for your loss, It sounds like we have both gone through recent similar experiences. My precious kitty of 12 Years was diagnosed with ear cancer 3 months ago, but two days ago she suddenly starts having breathing problems. Next day at the vet: cancer has spread to the lungs. It’s stunning how fast these things happen, and after talking to many friends who have lost pets that apparently is not uncommon. It’s hard even being in my own bedroom now because I’m too used to having my fur-baby there to cuddle with. Clearly i don’t have any stellar advice on how to get over the pain, but do know you are not alone. 

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KayC   

Sometimes it can help so much to know you are not alone in how you are feeling.  One of the hardest losses a person can have can be to lose their dog or cat or other pet.  They are so much more to us than the word "pet" can depict, they are everything to us.  Dogs are so validating!  So loyal, loving, enjoyable, there's nothing quite like them.  And I've had some cats that are the same way even though they have the reputation for being independent, not all of them are.

Making that decision to end your animal's suffering is one of the hardest decisions one can make.  In part because it's so final.  We second guess ourselves and our grief makes us feel we wish we could have them back for even just one day, one hour, one minute!  We question the decision we made...guilt is common in grief, be it animal or human, it's as if we're trying to come up with a different outcome!  I have always tried to keep my animals' best interest at heart in my decision making, especially when it's "that time", and I believe we know when it is the right time to let them go in peace.  I believe with all my heart we'll be with them again in afterlife, and that helps me through the pain of missing them.

Just writing here is helpful.  It validates our feelings to know we are heard and understood, so please keep coming here as you feel the need.  We are here listening.

I am so sorry for your loss Jackie, and for yours, Midian.  

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AJWCat   

Reading your stories Midian and Jackie and so sorry for your losses. It is such a painful thing to go through and when it happens so fast, you don't have the time to process. And the next thing you know, they are gone. Not having their physical absence is gut wrenching. Wishing you comfort as you go through this.     

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Midian I’m so sorry for you loss it’s really hard specially when you remember the routine you had with them . I’ve been reading about our pets and the afterlife and believe me when they say they are always around with you . Just ask for a sign and you shall receive . Wishing you lots of comfort . Your fur baby is no longer in pain and watching over you 

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Maria9   

Jackie and Midian I am so sorry for your losses. I know the feeling, being in the same house without them hurts so much.I wish I could say something to make your pain less,but .the only thing I can say is that you're not alone in this, everybody here understands. I hope that the fact that you can come here in this forum to share your feelings and your thoughts will help you. We are here to listen. Sending you prayers for comfort.

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KMB   

JackieJr07, Midian, AJWCat, Maria9,   I have been reading your posts since you have all joined this grief forum. I have read many of the others also, with loss of pets.  Sometimes I have responded. I have pets of my own and when I read the stories of loss, it hits my heart so hard, that I find it too hard to respond. I just want all of you to know, along with the other members dealing with pet loss, that my heart breaks for each and every one of you.

I don't deal with death very well. Whether human or animal. I don't think any of us do. For me, it started with losing my father when I was 5. Nothing was explained to me and I was not allowed to ask. One day my father was there, and the next he was gone. In my teenage years, I learned he had passed of a series of strokes, one right after the other.

I have also lost many pets over the years. It never gets easier, nor should it, as long as we have a heart that loves. Each one I had a unique bond with, they had their own quirky personalities. I currently have a dog going on 12. Life expectancy for his breed is 12 to 15 years. He has arthritis and is close to being fully deaf. My cat is going on 13. She is healthy and full of energy and playfulness yet, but you just never know what can happen with them.

I lost my husband last year. I swear that I truly thought I was not going to make it myself. But, I have so far, with the love and companionship of my pets. They give me a purpose to keep going. I dread the time when it comes, for them to leave me also.

I just wanted all of you to know that I do read your heart breaking posts and my heart felt thoughts and prayers go out to you.

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I’m so sorry you’ve gone through a share of hard moments yourself but I’m glad you have your companions to help you ease the pain as you move forward with your life . Today I picked up my dogs ashes and I sat in the parking lot contemplating to go in I just kept imagining that my dog was going to run through those doors and come straight into my arms and wag his tail of happiness to see me again . I finally built the courage to go inside and get him and once they handed me his urn I walked out crying . I sat in my car and kept crying . They say it gets easier as time passes but honestly I feel like it will be rough since the holidays are coming and I always spent my time with my dog and my family . This is is really hard I just wish I could hold him in my arms once more . I miss his cuddly self . Junior how much mommy misses you ;(

9A4F714D-DE28-49BB-A120-FDBF769B46E0.jpeg

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KayC   

Jackie,

Your Junior is adorable!  I can only imagine how hard this must be for you.  Our dogs are so close to us, it must be a lot like how I felt losing my husband 12 years ago.  A dog doesn't fill all the roles of a husband so the loss is different, but dogs are so loving and loyal, so adorable, so guileless and sweet, their very nature makes it hard for us to lose them.  

Not that it gets "easier" for them to be gone, it doesn't, but we get more used to it and eventually adjust and get better at coping.  You're right, sometimes it gets worse before better...as reality sets in and time goes by and we miss them with urgency.  My Miss Mocha has been gone since June 3, 2016, I still miss her!  That's the part that doesn't go away, the missing them. 

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AJWCat   

Thanks @KMB that was a nice post. I am sure your pets have offered a lot of comfort to you since you lost your husband. I can only imagine how difficult that loss has been.

Having people read my story and respond in understanding and reading others stories (even though my heart then breaks for them too) greatly helped me. I don't have a lot experience with death. Very little w/ people. I lost two cats but we knew for some time, each had lymphoma. 

This last cat was sudden and crushing. I knew I'd be sad when the day came... but not like this. One thing I've learned. Treasure every day with every person and creature you have. You just never know. :( 

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AJWCat   

@JackieJr07 I totally understand. I know how much you want to hold him. It's a gut wrenching ache. :(

The holidays will not be right this year for you. That said, I will share something @KayC said: 

"Once we've suffered a major loss, we carry the grief inside of us...we learn to coexist with it.  We can feel momentary joy, we can enjoy life, smile again, laugh at something funny, but all the while, our grief never leaves us.  It is our constant companion, it's not something we set aside or take off, it's there.  Not like we can forget, we're still missing them."

I hope that you are able to go through the holidays with some good moments even though I know how much you miss him.  

 

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Midian   

This forum is so great, just knowing that others understand the pain helps so much. I feel lucky to also have friends and family who are supportive, and don’t shy away from me bawling like a baby over simple things like finding a stray cat hair. Hopefully you all have similar support systems, it helps so much. 

KMB and KayC, it is impressive how you could deal with not only the loss of a pet, but of a spouse. I’m not sure I could survive that. 

Jackie, your Junior looks so sweet! And I dread going to pick up my Dru’s ashes. Thinking I might have to keep them out of sight for awhile. 

I have never been a very spiritual person, but i feel like Dru is here watching me. Our pets have souls and they are with us, always. 

A54D4916-0DA1-4285-9054-A5DDD085F6C7.jpeg

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KayC   

It is emotional, picking up ashes...try to have someone drive you there, I couldn't have done it by myself.  I had my husband's ashes for a couple of years and then decided to scatter them in our back yard.  He loved our place, nothing fancy, but the trees and wildlife are so beautiful, he felt this place was his sanctuary, his safe place, so this is where I decided to let him rest, so to speak.  I can sit out on the back patio and look over the place where his ashes lay, and watch the hummingbirds come to feed, just as we watched together for so long.

I hope you find some peace in however you handle your beloved cat's ashes.

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Maria9   
On 11/12/2017 at 2:53 AM, KMB said:

JackieJr07, Midian, AJWCat, Maria9,   I have been reading your posts since you have all joined this grief forum. I have read many of the others also, with loss of pets.  Sometimes I have responded. I have pets of my own and when I read the stories of loss, it hits my heart so hard, that I find it too hard to respond. I just want all of you to know, along with the other members dealing with pet loss, that my heart breaks for each and every one of you.

I don't deal with death very well. Whether human or animal. I don't think any of us do. For me, it started with losing my father when I was 5. Nothing was explained to me and I was not allowed to ask. One day my father was there, and the next he was gone. In my teenage years, I learned he had passed of a series of strokes, one right after the other.

I have also lost many pets over the years. It never gets easier, nor should it, as long as we have a heart that loves. Each one I had a unique bond with, they had their own quirky personalities. I currently have a dog going on 12. Life expectancy for his breed is 12 to 15 years. He has arthritis and is close to being fully deaf. My cat is going on 13. She is healthy and full of energy and playfulness yet, but you just never know what can happen with them.

I lost my husband last year. I swear that I truly thought I was not going to make it myself. But, I have so far, with the love and companionship of my pets. They give me a purpose to keep going. I dread the time when it comes, for them to leave me also.

I just wanted all of you to know that I do read your heart breaking posts and my heart felt thoughts and prayers go out to you.

KMB, your post touched my heart. I am so sorry for all your losses, human and animal, and especially for your husband's loss. I cannot imagine the pain of such a loss and I am glad you have your dear pets to keep you company and keep you going. I hope they continue to give you joy for many years more.
Thank you for reading our posts, I understand about not responding ,our wounds never sleep.                                                                                                                                                 Prayers and hugs :wub:

 

 

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Maria9   
17 hours ago, AJWCat said:

One thing I've learned. Treasure every day with every person and creature you have. You just never know. :( 

I've learned it too AJWCat, in a bitter,heartbreaking way. If only I knew ...I would have spent so much more time with my kitty. I regret all the moments I was too busy. If only I could turn back time....

 

On 11/12/2017 at 7:05 AM, JackieJr07 said:

This is is really hard I just wish I could hold him in my arms once more . I miss his cuddly self . Junior how much mommy misses you ;(

Jackie I feel the same way, my heart breaks for you. If only I could hold my Sissy for one more time...Your junior is so sweet, such soft loving eyes. I am so so sorry....The holidays will be hard for me too, it is strange to have to celebrate with a heavy heart...We will learn to live with this, by what KMB and KayC say, we will, it just takes time. I pray that you find strength in these early days of grieving.

 

12 hours ago, Midian said:

I feel lucky to also have friends and family who are supportive, and don’t shy away from me bawling like a baby over simple things like finding a stray cat hair. Hopefully you all have similar support systems, it helps so much. 

 

Midian, I am glad that you have around you people who understand, this is very rare. Your Dru is beautiful. I am sure her spirit is and will be always with you. And KayC is right, have a close friend with you when you pick her ashes. Sending you courage  for this moment and all other difficult moments.

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Maria9   
2 hours ago, KayC said:

 

It is emotional, picking up ashes...try to have someone drive you there, I couldn't have done it by myself.  I had my husband's ashes for a couple of years and then decided to scatter them in our back yard.  He loved our place, nothing fancy, but the trees and wildlife are so beautiful, he felt this place was his sanctuary, his safe place, so this is where I decided to let him rest, so to speak.  I can sit out on the back patio and look over the place where his ashes lay, and watch the hummingbirds come to feed, just as we watched together for so long.

 

This so beautiful KayC and so loving...

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Sorry for the delay on getting back to you guys but honestly i feel like here is the only place i can really express myself. I have great support system but i feel like they keep telling me to get over the situation which is really hard for me . I have had my days some are hard some are okay the toughest thing is coming home and realizing he will not greet me at the door anymore.

 

Maria you really amaze me losing a family member is very hard and im glad you have your pets to keep you company  my prayers are with you . 

im glad to have found this place to express myself. thank you all for your comfort 

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AJWCat   

Hi @JackieJr07 that is what is great about this forum, we all pop in whenever we need it or want to help. 

When you talk about coming home and not getting greeted at the door... it's tough. We all have the things we did with our animals; the walks, the games, the patterns - I am sure you had so many. I call them rituals. Every morning when I woke up my cat, who was at my feet in bed, would get up ever so slowly and walk up to cuddle with me before we got out of bed. 

So waking up and not having him there for that was heartbreaking. Losing some of the rituals changes how we lived.

Hope you are doing okay - and glad you shared. It's good to get it out.

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KayC   

Jackie,

When your family tells you to get over it, please respond, "That's not an appropriate response to someone who is grieving.  That invalidates my grief feelings.  It will take what it will take."  We, unfortunately, have to educate the world when we are grieving, not fair, but they do not understand what they haven't experienced themselves.  At least here you won't hear us tell you that, we get it.

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