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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
M88

To add a bit of lightheartedness to our tough lives

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M88   

I'll kick it off but not bombard ya's with too many at once. 

Eating food as it cooks in the pan when it really couldn't be classed as just quality control.

Eating dinner standing at the bench - thats if there is any left in the pan to put on a plate ;) 

Seeing fluff balls accumulating on the carpet but turning a blind eye. 

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Not cleaning any of the electronics because he did it and now I don't want to.

Not disciplining the animals because you're not the disciplinarian. 

Not cleaning out the fridge. 

Ugh. I never realized I depended so much on him. 

Thanks, m88, you brightened my day!  Lol. 

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Eagle-96   

Eating fast food for dinner every night because I don't have time to cook when in reality all I have is time now that she's gone.

Not doing housework like I should because "Ehh, I'll get it later" is my new motto.

 

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Lori353   

Not getting dressed, cause pj's work all day... he's not coming to visit and we are not going out! 

Not caring how my place looks and who cares anyway.. 

If only.... 

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Definitely eating out every night because cooking for one person is so depressing. Deciding which of us would cook and what to make for dinner was something we had so much fun with.

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M88   

Oh, there's a couple listed that I've overlooked - but may take up ;) 

I go to bed far too early and spend hours gazing at the ceiling - not quite a bad habit as it's time well spent reflecting. 

I've only cleaned my car once in 19 months - it looks disgusting.  Gerry always kept it clean. 

 

 

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June   

Looking at the dust accumulating on the bathroom counter ... and looking again every day.  
And, yes, the lint and stuff on the carpet that needs vacuuming...

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LoveGoli   

Wake up in the morning , took shower and go to office.

Read posts on this site, no work in office.

Reached home after office and lying on bed and continuously staring ceiling also our wedding photograph over the wall.

Cry and miss him, take dinner prepared by my mom.

cry and sleep and again next morning silently wake u and go office.

I don't care if house is clean or not or kitchen is clean, I simply don't care.

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KMB   

WOW---We all have so much in common!!  Except I don't cook, M88. I munch on prepared food from the deli dept. No joy or meaning in cooking for one. Even with my daughter here temporarily, her habit from living by herself is microwaveable food. And I am retired, so no routine of going to work. My mantras are "whatever" and "I don't care".

In all my wonderful years with my husband, I never gave a thought that I would be in this situation of grieving so soon, at least not for another 10 years or so. There are no words-----

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Ka9219   

Eating only once or twice at day (I am not hungry most of the time)

No shower, no make up

I don't clean my place anymore

Sleeping more than 10 hours at day

Constantly thinking about the accident and the time in the hospital (self destructive thoughts)

 

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LoveGoli   
4 minutes ago, Ka9219 said:

Eating only once or twice at day (I am not hungry most of the time)

No shower, no make up

I don't clean my place anymore

Sleeping more than 10 hours at day

Constantly thinking about the accident and the time in the hospital (self destructive thoughts)

 

Yes, no make up at all.

I also constantly think about last day of hospital even right now I am thinking the same, also what could have happen that day and my husband saved. 

In office , I do only two task, 1 - Read post here, 2 - Read about chickenpox and steroids mixture 

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Ka9219   
31 minutes ago, LoveGoli said:

also what could have happen that day and my husband saved.

I used to spent hours and hours about thinking the thousands and million of different possibilities in which Mario could be still alive, at the end I realized that I was poisoning my heart and mind with the "What if", now is just like a recorder tape, recalling what happening, not "what could happen", but is still heartbreaking and exhausting thinking and recalling those memories of the saddest moment of my life :(

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LoveGoli   
13 minutes ago, Ka9219 said:

I used to spent hours and hours about thinking the thousands and million of different possibilities in which Mario could be still alive, at the end I realized that I was poisoning my heart and mind with the "What if", now is just like a recorder tape, recalling what happening, not "what could happen", but is still heartbreaking and exhausting thinking and recalling those memories of the saddest moment of my life :(

Yes same here, I also think what if he did not have chickenpox then  my life will be normal as it was before. I also imagined about like nothing happened and we are living happily, buying home, having babies and how happy he is in these imaginary life.

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M88   

I smoke more ciggies - even have the odd one inside in the evening is it's frosty out. Yet I hate how it stinks my home out. 

I have developed an eating disorder.  A craving for sweet foods, lots of it, wakes me every night from the little sleep I do get.  I never had a sweet tooth before hubby was killed but he sure did.  

I say the F word - even at those in authority if they make a ridiculous statement. 

 

 

 

 

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Ka9219   
1 hour ago, LoveGoli said:

Yes same here, I also think what if he did not have chickenpox then  my life will be normal as it was before. I also imagined about like nothing happened and we are living happily, buying home, having babies and how happy he is in these imaginary life.

Imagining is hard when we come back to life, today I was thinking what if he had the accident but he was recovering well and I could be there for him until he was fully recovered and talking about getting married as soon as he was able to leave the hospital, thinking about the days I could be there taking care of him and going out of this situation together, when reality hit back it was overwhelming :( I know we can not avoid bad things to happening, but at least not having "this end" :(:(:( 

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LoveGoli   
18 minutes ago, Ka9219 said:

Imagining is hard when we come back to life, today I was thinking what if he had the accident but he was recovering well and I could be there for him until he was fully recovered and talking about getting married as soon as he was able to leave the hospital, thinking about the days I could be there taking care of him and going out of this situation together, when reality hit back it was overwhelming :( I know we can not avoid bad things to happening, but at least not having "this end" :(:(:( 

How long we have to take this, because its getting hard everyday. One day at a time not working anymore for me I continuously thinking about him, time we spent together, how happy we were. How I am gonna survive in future without love or will I able to love someone again in future. Because I only date one person in my life and it was him, my first everything I can not imagine to love some one else or touched by some one else but also I am so scared of being alone. 

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KayC   
8 hours ago, LoveGoli said:

How I am gonna survive in future without love or will I able to love someone again in future

That's thinking about beyond today and that's when you get into trouble, THAT is why you say 

 

8 hours ago, LoveGoli said:

One day at a time not working anymore for me

Go back to stopping yourself from thinking in the future and focus on today only.  It's way soon for you to be worrying about the future, let it take care of itself.  

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KMB   
14 hours ago, M88 said:

I smoke more ciggies - even have the odd one inside in the evening is it's frosty out. Yet I hate how it stinks my home out. 

I have developed an eating disorder.  A craving for sweet foods, lots of it, wakes me every night from the little sleep I do get.  I never had a sweet tooth before hubby was killed but he sure did.  

I say the F word - even at those in authority if they make a ridiculous statement. 

 

 

We could be soul sisters! I've also been smoking more. I tried so often over the years to quit. I went on a health kick and smoking was the hardest to change. I did manage to cut back though. I smoke outside or on the cold days, stand in the porch blowing the smoke out a window. Now, the smoking is full force and I can't even think about quitting. I also eat more sweets than anything good for me and I stopped with my supplements. I'm hoping that I can change all the bad habits down the road, I am just not there yet. I am having a hard time getting beyond the no purpose, no meaning, part of this crappy, lonely journey. And yes, the F word comes out a lot more spontaneously. Life changed so drastically and quickly and it is taking me a long time to catch up and I don't know if I ever will. I am still lost.

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KMB   
13 hours ago, LoveGoli said:

How long we have to take this, because its getting hard everyday. One day at a time not working anymore for me I continuously thinking about him, time we spent together, how happy we were. How I am gonna survive in future without love or will I able to love someone again in future. Because I only date one person in my life and it was him, my first everything I can not imagine to love some one else or touched by some one else but also I am so scared of being alone. 

This is so very hard and painful, isn't it? Like KayC says, just try to stick with the current day, the present moment. It is all that we can do. We do not know the future, so there is no point in worrying about it. The future does take care of itself. Have you been keeping a journal of writing for yourself? I started one not too long after my husband passed. Once in a while, I go back to what I wrote in those early weeks .I was a basket case back then, constantly crying, spending days laying in bed, hiding out. I still cry and I still spend too much time hiding out in the bed, but I have made some progress. I am able to function more and not let too much pile up too often. I will always miss my husband every second, but there is nothing I can do about it except get through the rest of my life in the best manner I can.

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Judy S.   
3 hours ago, KMB said:

We could be soul sisters! I've also been smoking more. I tried so often over the years to quit. I went on a health kick and smoking was the hardest to change. I did manage to cut back though. I smoke outside or on the cold days, stand in the porch blowing the smoke out a window. Now, the smoking is full force and I can't even think about quitting. I also eat more sweets than anything good for me and I stopped with my supplements. I'm hoping that I can change all the bad habits down the road, I am just not there yet. I am having a hard time getting beyond the no purpose, no meaning, part of this crappy, lonely journey. And yes, the F word comes out a lot more spontaneously. Life changed so drastically and quickly and it is taking me a long time to catch up and I don't know if I ever will. I am still lost.

Well, add another ciggy soul sister! I had cut back to just a very few, after Al died all that changed, it's almost full speed ahead. It has to stop and asap, I know. I don't have a sweet tooth but lately I love all kinds of crummy gas station type food if you can believe it. e.g. what I call gas station chicken, etc. Good grief! I never used to touch the stuff. And the swearing - that too. Although I say it mostly to myself, it's still there. And at some points in the evenings I finally become so tired I can just feel my patience is down to a very, very thin line. I don't take it out on anyone though, I can just feel that I've hit the last straw for the day! At that point I start to pray, because I know I'm not doing myself any good at all. 

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Ka9219   
17 hours ago, LoveGoli said:

How long we have to take this, because its getting hard everyday. One day at a time not working anymore for me I continuously thinking about him, time we spent together, how happy we were. How I am gonna survive in future without love or will I able to love someone again in future. Because I only date one person in my life and it was him, my first everything I can not imagine to love some one else or touched by some one else but also I am so scared of being alone. 

I think this is forever, losing someone is not something that we get over it, is a new life style, we will cry less and less, but the pain remains, settling into our hearts and lives and with time our mind will learn how to handle with it, memories will last our entire life, as also will last the sadly reminder that they leave us too soon. I started to think that is mostly one minute at a time, as you said there is nothing I can use or do to distract myself,I am constantly thinking about him, in the good and the bad, there is no way I can get this our of my mind even if I tried, everything is a reminder.

You said it: we are only going to survive for a time, there is not living, is surviving taking minute by minute, going from one day to another trying to do the best we can.

Mario wasn't my first boyfriend, but he is the love of my life.

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Dian   

I had quit smoking before Doug passed, even took up running, wanted to be healthy so we could grow old together. Back to a pack a day  and eat donuts for dinner in bed. I always said the F word nothing changed there. This new normal Fn sucks!! 

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I was trying to quit smoking. The Charles passed and now I'm up like a pack and a half a day. I'm not eating, smoking like crazy, and working out like it's going out of style. I've always cussed but I find that I'm cussing at strangers. I have no patience. None. I'm not taking anyone's crap at all. I've been mouthing off to everyone. While smoking, smoking all the time. I just don't care. But I have to care because my daughter depends on me and she lost the one man that wanted to raise her. Poor us. We're all just ticking time bombs, it sound like. :(

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KMB   

This grieving bites for all of us. A few weeks back, I was reading a story of a woman who lost her husband. Fairly young yet, with a young, grade school age son. They had enjoyed mountain climbing. This woman decided to keep carrying on their dream of climbing. She passed away on a mountain, just short of reaching the top. This happened less than a year after her husband passed.  I was thinking on the irony of this. She was trying her best in moving forward and achieving her dreams and now she is gone. A young son being raised now by relatives.

Some of us are smoking like a steam engine and eating junk food. The ironies of life.

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