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Ka9219

Third month

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Kayla and I were both hardcore gamers. When we first met she just watched me but by the time she died 15 years later we were fighting over who had platinumed more games in the last 6 months. I was so proud of how good she had gotten. Wish I had told her that instead of (playfully) talking trash.

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Did your bf Mario get a chance to play Breath of the Wild? It's the Zelda that came out earlier this year.

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Ka9219   
13 hours ago, KylieL said:

I met my love by playing video game, too. (sometimes people think we are not serious about the relationship because of that.) I have some friends who usually play games together and my friends introduced him to me. We couldn't always go dating so we just play video games. We started playing FFXIV just two months before his death and we got married in the game lol it sounds stupid isn't it. But I'm so glad we did that, because I will never get a chance to marry him in real life. Now I can't play that game anymore, I never play that alone. I could't play any games until a month after his death. Now I still play his favorite game, Overwatch, with my friends, and one of his friends who started playing lately. I play our skype call recordings while playing the game, it feels like he is still here playing with me. But I don't enjoy the game as much as I did, it's not the same without him shouting "help" or "who killed my Kylie"... He always said he wanted a PS4. I was planning to give him one as a christmas gift, and we could play it together at christmas in his house. But now I don't have to buy it anymore ... Although we didn't have much memory of going out, dating, and mostly we just played video games together, I miss those days so much. It's so hard looking at the friend list and it says he's away for 2 months ... :( 

Is incredible how we can met our love one in the most unexpected ways. But is great to find someone who can share your hobbies. We used to shared some time together in the week, we usually met to get lunch together and do some stuff or just laying down on bed cuddling an talking about stuff, but weekends were our time, we used to go to the movies on Saturday night and on Sunday we do whatever we wanted to do, sleep, play videogames, went to a nice place, cooking together, I loved our time together. All nights we used to play WoW, we raided 3 days at week for 2 hours and then the other days we used to look for better gear for our characters, he also teach me how to play FFXIV and we also were partner on the game :P He bought me Overwatch but I got easily dizzy :( so we couldn't play as much as we wanted together, he also played Heros of Storm and I can't recall the name of the other game (also from blizzard). We didn't use skype we used to talk by Discord and we have our own channel in case we wanted to talk only with each other.

Kylie, I understand the feeling, is heartbreaking see: "Away for 3 months". He will never get online anymore, he will never can safe me or teach, we will never be the best couple team ever!! For last Christmas I gave him a book of Zelda and a game of Zelda for his 3DS, and we bought for me Mario Kart for Nintendo Switch.

Is nice how videogames can make people to get closer, as we didn't live together yet, he used to tell me that he loved to play with me because it was more time we could share together. Is terrible and so painful :( I haven't opened Battle.net since the day of the accident, and I don't know if I could play it again.

Maybe you can still buy the PS4 for you in honor to him? It could be a good idea if it makes you feel good.

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Ka9219   
7 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

Kayla and I were both hardcore gamers. When we first met she just watched me but by the time she died 15 years later we were fighting over who had platinumed more games in the last 6 months. I was so proud of how good she had gotten. Wish I had told her that instead of (playfully) talking trash.

 

7 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

Did your bf Mario get a chance to play Breath of the Wild? It's the Zelda that came out earlier this year.

Is nice to see we can share this things, at the beginning I felt dumb because every time I saw the WoW logo on my computer desktop I started crying, I still think of his character, and sometimes I just sat down next to him to watch him played, he was a great gamer, he played with Lucio, Fara and the one who is crazy that uses mines -on Overwatch- and he was super good.

For me was heart warming when he told me: I am so proud of you, you have improve so much and now we can play together anything -on WoW- it made me the happiest girl in the world.

And yes, he had a countdown for that game, he was super excited and super happy about the Zelda Breath of the Wild, I was next to him a couple of times when he played it, is an amazing game, some nights he used to played some videos about the girl who is red -I can't remember her name-. He loved that character.

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LoveGoli   
13 minutes ago, Ka9219 said:

do some stuff or just laying down on bed cuddling an talking about stuff,

I love this line because this is what we used to do on weekend. I miss those days so badly, I think I am gonna mad by missing him.

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Ka9219   
6 minutes ago, LoveGoli said:

I love this line because this is what we used to do on weekend. I miss those days so badly, I think I am gonna mad by missing him.

It's curious how one memory can bring so much joy and so much pain at the same time. When we were cuddling he used to close his eyes and said: "this is my perfect moment, this is the moment when all the bad things, all the problems, and all the world disappears, nothing matters in this moment, is my moment of peace because you are here with me just lying and loving each other" He used to say it frequently, and he always kissed me. I also miss him :( 

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LoveGoli   
8 minutes ago, Ka9219 said:

It's curious how one memory can bring so much joy and so much pain at the same time. When we were cuddling he used to close his eyes and said: "this is my perfect moment, this is the moment when all the bad things, all the problems, and all the world disappears, nothing matters in this moment, is my moment of peace because you are here with me just lying and loving each other" He used to say it frequently, and he always kissed me. I also miss him :( 

When we cuddled , he don't say anything but yes I mostly said that "I love you so much, I want to spend my whole life like this and I can't survive without you then he told me , I am not gonna leave you don't worry, I am gonna live at-least 70-80 years old and it makes me so happy because I always thought that I am the one who leave this earth first and this gives me so much happiness. "

 

But now I am surviving without him, I want to cry so loud .

 

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Ka9219   
1 hour ago, LoveGoli said:

When we cuddled , he don't say anything but yes I mostly said that "I love you so much, I want to spend my whole life like this and I can't survive without you then he told me , I am not gonna leave you don't worry, I am gonna live at-least 70-80 years old and it makes me so happy because I always thought that I am the one who leave this earth first and this gives me so much happiness. "

 

But now I am surviving without him, I want to cry so loud .

 

Do not hold it, cry as much as you need, is the only thing we can do. 

This is so sad, so much love, they were our soulmate and they are gone, is heartbreaking and Incapacitating moving through this live with this grieve :(

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Eagle-96   

When we would go to bed for the night we would watch TV until we fell asleep. I would lay my head next to her and she would scratch my head for a while. I really think that's my idea of Heaven. Oh what I would give to go back there for even one minute. It's those things that we used to take for granted. The things we thought would always be the same. Laying in bed all day on a weekend listening to the rain. Cooking dinner together after work. Slow dancing in the living room without a song playing. Oh how I would give everything I had for just one more dance. 

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On 8/30/2017 at 10:48 AM, KayC said:

Oh I think he's bursting his buttons!  I feel proud and I don't even know you!  It is no easy accomplishment.  When my sister had her accident that killed her three year old and made her a quadriplegic and damaged my other sister's brain (equilibrium, so she falls) I was 15 and it scared me to death.  This was just at the time I should have been learning to drive, yet it took me YEARS to go for my driver's license!  You are pushing past this reminding fear in record time and I think it's remarkable!

Oh Kay, I had no idea - I'm so sorry about your sisters and niece. I can't even imagine how hard that must have been for you at such a young age, and for your poor parents. Driving is truly a scary business, although I will admit I never really thought twice about it before all this happened. It's amazing what you take for granted sometimes... thank you for your support. I'm extra cautious now - which is a good thing! - but it is definitely a step in the right direction. 

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13 hours ago, Eagle-96 said:

When we would go to bed for the night we would watch TV until we fell asleep. I would lay my head next to her and she would scratch my head for a while. I really think that's my idea of Heaven. Oh what I would give to go back there for even one minute. It's those things that we used to take for granted. The things we thought would always be the same. Laying in bed all day on a weekend listening to the rain. Cooking dinner together after work. Slow dancing in the living room without a song playing. Oh how I would give everything I had for just one more dance. 

All of this makes me want to cry (well, I already am just reading it); but those are such beautiful memories! The slow dancing in the living room!! Was there particular music that you both liked? 

We would always watch TV in the living room before going to bed. Most times, I would fall asleep on the couch, with my head on his lap; I was the first one to conk out, could never make it through the hour long shows like Person of Interest or Law & Order, as much as I tried, and David would have rouse me and drag me to bed. Once we got there, I would often scratch his back until he fell asleep, there was nothing he loved more. To echo your sentiment, I would do literally anything to do that once more. To just repeat a normal, simple nightly routine. Or to go grocery shopping together... oh how I miss that. I keep thinking of one particular time at Costco, when he pulled me in for a kiss in the middle of an aisle, as he was prone to do. A woman working there, handing out samples at the end of the aisle, grabbed my arm as we passed and said "never stop doing that!"... I never would have. 

 

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KylieL   
On 2017/8/31 at 0:25 PM, Ka9219 said:

Is nice how videogames can make people to get closer, as we didn't live together yet, he used to tell me that he loved to play with me because it was more time we could share together. Is terrible and so painful :( I haven't opened Battle.net since the day of the accident, and I don't know if I could play it again.

Maybe you can still buy the PS4 for you in honor to him? It could be a good idea if it makes you feel good.

Same. Even though we were not staying together but we did something together through video games :( I hope someday you can pick up the game again, or play it for him. I struggled too. I was thinking maybe I should give up all these games and delete it so it won't remind me the fact that he will never play with me again. and then I remember how much he likes to play video games, and all these games gave us so many memories. I write about the games in the diary and tell him what changed or what is added. I understand, it's painful. Sometimes I had so much fun playing with my friends, then I feel extra lonely because I can't play with him anymore... 

My brother has a PS4, and I used to borrow his when I wanted to play so I don't really need one :( Also I don't think I want to play on PS4 anymore. I love video games, but it's so hard for me to start a new game that he doesn't even know.

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LoveGoli   
14 hours ago, Eagle-96 said:

Cooking dinner together after work.

Oh I miss this too much, we cook dinner together. I am not good cook but my husband was very good cook and he used to prepare meal on weekend lunch and I was busy in cleaning the clothes and house.  I just miss him so badly, I can not stop crying , why we love someone so much .

9 years before I did not know him, I was living my life so freely and now he became my life, my everything and I am the person who is most affected now. LOVE is curse sometime.

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Ka9219   
17 hours ago, Eagle-96 said:

When we would go to bed for the night we would watch TV until we fell asleep. I would lay my head next to her and she would scratch my head for a while. I really think that's my idea of Heaven. Oh what I would give to go back there for even one minute. It's those things that we used to take for granted. The things we thought would always be the same. Laying in bed all day on a weekend listening to the rain. Cooking dinner together after work. Slow dancing in the living room without a song playing. Oh how I would give everything I had for just one more dance. 

Mario used to love to close his eyes and whisper: pamper me until I fall sleep. And used to touch his hair and his arms and within 5 minutes he was totally asleep, I felt the peace in him, his body was completely relaxed, I love him so much and I miss him so bad

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Ka9219   
3 hours ago, KylieL said:

Same. Even though we were not staying together but we did something together through video games :( I hope someday you can pick up the game again, or play it for him. I struggled too. I was thinking maybe I should give up all these games and delete it so it won't remind me the fact that he will never play with me again. and then I remember how much he likes to play video games, and all these games gave us so many memories. I write about the games in the diary and tell him what changed or what is added. I understand, it's painful. Sometimes I had so much fun playing with my friends, then I feel extra lonely because I can't play with him anymore... 

My brother has a PS4, and I used to borrow his when I wanted to play so I don't really need one :( Also I don't think I want to play on PS4 anymore. I love video games, but it's so hard for me to start a new game that he doesn't even know.

I thought the same, I thought he wanted me to keep playing we put so much effort, but I can, some of his friends have told me to play with them, but I don't feel ready, I can't do it without him, is too painful. Maybe one day, I was thinking to start another account but I don't know, I think is not the right time for me :( 

I feel the same, I can't go to the new patch without him, is hard to think in the new dungeons and raids and listening to him laughing or joking when we were playing. 

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Eagle-96   
10 hours ago, AshleyDonahue said:

All of this makes me want to cry (well, I already am just reading it); but those are such beautiful memories! The slow dancing in the living room!! Was there particular music that you both liked? 

We would always watch TV in the living room before going to bed. Most times, I would fall asleep on the couch, with my head on his lap; I was the first one to conk out, could never make it through the hour long shows like Person of Interest or Law & Order, as much as I tried, and David would have rouse me and drag me to bed. Once we got there, I would often scratch his back until he fell asleep, there was nothing he loved more. To echo your sentiment, I would do literally anything to do that once more. To just repeat a normal, simple nightly routine. Or to go grocery shopping together... oh how I miss that. I keep thinking of one particular time at Costco, when he pulled me in for a kiss in the middle of an aisle, as he was prone to do. A woman working there, handing out samples at the end of the aisle, grabbed my arm as we passed and said "never stop doing that!"... I never would have. 

 

I like just about any music. Lori was a country music fan. We would be in the kitchen or living room and she would hold out her hands and we would just dance. I can't imagine anything better in the world. Our nephew is a country music artist so we found ourselves dancing to him a lot.

 

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I get up so early for work that I was always the first to fall asleep too. I would lay my head in her lap and she would scratch my head until I fell asleep. Then when she was ready for bed too she would wake me up, ask me to hold her, and roll over. I always told her that holding her was the best part of every single day. Nothing in the world felt that good. God I miss her so much

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Eagle-96   
4 minutes ago, Djh0901kc said:

I get up so early for work that I was always the first to fall asleep too. I would lay my head in her lap and she would scratch my head until I fell asleep. Then when she was ready for bed too she would wake me up, ask me to hold her, and roll over. I always told her that holding her was the best part of every single day. Nothing in the world felt that good. God I miss her so much

It's those little things that seem so big now. Reflecting on those memories also makes me realize that I HAVE to appreciate the little things now. I have to live in the now and soak up every little good thing that crosses my path. I'd be doing Lori a disservice if I didn't.

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M88   

Wow!! Such a beautiful voice and songs, Eagle.  You must be very proud of your nephew. 

I think we have to do a lot of reflecting to get to the stage you're at now, eagle.  Painful but essential grief work.  

DJh - a beautiful, very special way to end the day.

Hubby and I always finished our day with a crossword puzzle then snuggled up together for sleep. 

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KayC   

Sean, that is your nephew?  Wow!  George and my favorite was Country music, I still love it.  He had eclectic taste, like everything, country, jazz, blues, rock, classical, reggae, you name it, pretty much everything but rap.  Our favorite was country.

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Eagle-96   
1 hour ago, KayC said:

Sean, that is your nephew?  Wow!  George and my favorite was Country music, I still love it.  He had eclectic taste, like everything, country, jazz, blues, rock, classical, reggae, you name it, pretty much everything but rap.  Our favorite was country.

It's Lori's bothers son. We couldn't be prouder of him. He wrote Dark after several losses(two close friends died in a car wreck due to a drunk driver. He then lost one grandfather followed by Lori's dad). Out of grief comes art sometimes.

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I know exactly what you mean when you say friends are not there for you and some will even look aggravated when you bring up his name. It's going to be one year for me next month and if I was to bring up my husband's name, people would look at me all weird as if I am in need of psychiatric help. 

It's all normal. They don't know the least bit of what we are going through here. That's why I'm back on here. I want to express how empty I am and how much I still miss my husband. Who cares what those people out there in the real world thinks. We're all here for you. 

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KMB   
5 hours ago, Chasisdope said:

I know exactly what you mean when you say friends are not there for you and some will even look aggravated when you bring up his name. It's going to be one year for me next month and if I was to bring up my husband's name, people would look at me all weird as if I am in need of psychiatric help. 

You are in my thoughts. I hit and have passed my one year mark. I do not feel any different than I did in the beginning. I thought I was past shock, denial and anger, but those emotions still creep in once in awhile. I am constantly sad, empty and always so lonely for my husband. I have been doing this life my way. Others don't understand. They expect me to be living a brand new, great life. Wait until someday when they find themselves in my shoes.

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Ka9219   
12 hours ago, Chasisdope said:

I know exactly what you mean when you say friends are not there for you and some will even look aggravated when you bring up his name. It's going to be one year for me next month and if I was to bring up my husband's name, people would look at me all weird as if I am in need of psychiatric help. 

It's all normal. They don't know the least bit of what we are going through here. That's why I'm back on here. I want to express how empty I am and how much I still miss my husband. Who cares what those people out there in the real world thinks. We're all here for you. 

Chasisdope, I can't thank you enough for being there for me, is somehow good to know that in here people understand what we are feeling, the pain and the loneliness, is sad to feel this hole in our existence and we will nothing or nobody will ever filled, part of us also died and is hard to make others understand how is living like this, without our soulmate earth is such a lonely place to live.

I am constantly saying his name, and people look at me with pity, I kind of sad because sometimes I am saying good things and nice memories, and they always are feeling "pit", as you said they don't know, they don't understand, but I encourage you to keep telling his name, it is ok, they are real for us :) 

Hugs

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LoveGoli   
38 minutes ago, Ka9219 said:

kind of sad because sometimes I am saying good things and nice memories, and they always are feeling "pit", as you said they don't know, they don't understand, but I encourage you to keep telling his name, it is ok, they are real for us :) 

When i said anything about my husband the same pity look i got.

My mother and sister are tired now because of my nature because i was so talkative person before but now i just stopped talking with anyone.

I just reach home and lie down and contineously see our wedding photo or cieling, i just answer if they ask anything but i dont start any topic to discuss. My sister is very fed up by this but what can i do, i am not doing this intentionally , i just dont want to talk to anyone.

My sister saying i should move on, there are other peoples also who lost their spouse or kids then why you are behaving like this, you are young think about your future.

I dont reply to her because she is not married yet so she cant understand this pain so i just dont reply her and i dont want she ever feel this pain.

 

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