Jump to content
Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
  • Announcements

    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
Ka9219

Third month

Recommended Posts

Ka9219   
8 hours ago, KayC said:

I like that too and I've done it as needed...

 

8 hours ago, KayC said:

If you read the links it explains it fully.

Thank you KayC and yes, their essence is constantly needed

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know I don't know you personally, nor do I post very often, but just wanted to say that I actually think of you and your Mario quite often. His name and your posts have stuck with me and pop into my head at random times. Maybe it is because of the similar timing and circumstances of our losses, I'm not sure...

It will be three months for me on Sept 7, and I have been thinking a lot lately how these (almost) three months have felt longer than the preceding three decades of my life. It honestly feels like time has come to a screeching halt and passes so slowly now. It's scary to think how much time is most likely still laying ahead.

All that says, I am thinking of you <3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
LoveGoli   
2 hours ago, Ka9219 said:

My sense of reality is quite lost, sometimes I don't know if "this" is real, or if my relationship was real, sometimes I feel he is at work and at any time I will get a message from him, the pain is constantly taking me out of reality and I feel frustrated and stress because I feel I am not processing his dead in a right way. Maybe, as you I can accept that he is gone, and I couldn't do nothing to help him. I feel I am becoming crazy, and I still hope I can see him walking through the door, smiling at me and telling me: It was just a nightmare, don't worry I am here.

I can not describe my feelings more, like you did here, I also feel the same way that one day I will open my eyes and think that It was a bad bad dream and he would be sleeping besides me.

My husband always told me that don't worry I am not gonna leave you alone , I am with you forever, but now I am all alone. We just spent 3 years married life and now every morning is struggle to me to get off from my bed.

Sometime I just create situations in my mind that what could happen that night and he could survived, sometime situation like he is here with me and we are cuddling, loving each other but at the same time I know deeply inside that I am fooling myself and this truth is killing me.

Life can be so cruel I never know and I hate everything in this life.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 26.08.2017 at 2:57 AM, Ka9219 said:

Tomorrow -26- will be the third month since Mario died, and truth is I am feeling worst than ever

So far I don't know what is "normal" anymore, old and new bad feelings and memories are in my mind and I am not crying as I used to cry before, but the pain is reaching new level, is deeper and constant, the things I used to do to distract myself in the past 2 months are not working anymore, every minute of the day I am thinking about the accident and the time in the hospital, how sudden it was and how hard was for me to see him in that way.

I've been dreaming with him, but not as "visitations", those dreams are almost nightmares, In my dreams I am angry with him or I am again visiting him in the hospital. I am sleeping almost 12 hours daily and when I woke up is a new day of bad thoughts, and sadness. I am tired all the time and people who used to said they were my friends are not here for me, they don't answer my messages, and if I want to talk about Mario they avoid the topic, I understand that for them 3 months is a lot of time. But for me are only 3 months. Time is not the same it was before he passed away, it goes fast and slow at the same time.

I am trying so hard to feel better, I try to put my mind in other places but the pain is constant is always there and I can't feel better. I wish I could die and reunited with him whatever is after we die.

Ka9219,

I'm so sorry for what we are going through. It hasnt even been two months since Bruce died and I keep crying for a few hours everyday. It has become a part of my day now...Maybe I will cry less in time like you.

It's still too hard for me to cope. I keep running into a cute gift he has given me, a card he has written, or I remember a joke we used to make to each other and I wish to be dead. I dont know how long I'll be able to keep going with a constant bump in my throat and tears in my eyes. I received his ashes and it sucks!

The body I kissed and held and cuddled and loved more than everything is nothing but ashes now. Life is SO unfair and full of disappointment...

I have always thought from your posts that you're coping with this better than I do and I hope I'm right. Hang in there X

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ka9219   
8 hours ago, AshleyDonahue said:

I know I don't know you personally, nor do I post very often, but just wanted to say that I actually think of you and your Mario quite often. His name and your posts have stuck with me and pop into my head at random times. Maybe it is because of the similar timing and circumstances of our losses, I'm not sure...

It will be three months for me on Sept 7, and I have been thinking a lot lately how these (almost) three months have felt longer than the preceding three decades of my life. It honestly feels like time has come to a screeching halt and passes so slowly now. It's scary to think how much time is most likely still laying ahead.

All that says, I am thinking of you <3

Ashley, I remember about your post and you. sometimes we can related with people and when I read your post it broke me because I though of all the pain you went through.

Long time before Mario passed away, I had a nightmare, all I can remember about the nightmare is that I was in a car accident and I remember to see myself all cover in blood, and turning my head to Mario he was severely injured, in my dream, I grab his face and told him that everything would be alright, that I love him, and I saw him died right there in front of me, I started crying and screaming and finally I woke up. I never tell anyone about this dream, because it felt so real, I felt the fear and the agony of looking at him in that way, I never told Mario about this dream because I didn't want it to become reality. 

Life is cruel and made my nightmare became true, the pain, the agony and the sadness are now real.

I really appreciate your words, and we both are so young, it seems our path is too long and too lonely. I am afraid of what is coming.

His name is particular isn't it? The funny thing is that when we were talking about having children, he wanted to name his first child "Mario", and truth is that I loved the idea, this dreams always be dreams.

I hope you can find strength and faith, the third month had been incredibly hard for me, if at any time you need to talk, please feel free to contact me.

Thank you for your words, and for having me and Mario in your thoughts. As you, your experience touched me deeply.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ka9219   
6 hours ago, LoveGoli said:

I can not describe my feelings more, like you did here, I also feel the same way that one day I will open my eyes and think that It was a bad bad dream and he would be sleeping besides me.

My husband always told me that don't worry I am not gonna leave you alone , I am with you forever, but now I am all alone. We just spent 3 years married life and now every morning is struggle to me to get off from my bed.

Sometime I just create situations in my mind that what could happen that night and he could survived, sometime situation like he is here with me and we are cuddling, loving each other but at the same time I know deeply inside that I am fooling myself and this truth is killing me.

Life can be so cruel I never know and I hate everything in this life.

I have think about a thousand scenarios where I could save Mario, me, or his brother, or his father, or anyone. I close my eyes and start thinking about of a million of possibilities, the one that happens, was the most horrible of all. I wish I could change things, but as you say the reality is that they are gone, and is the cruelest reality ever.

Mario also promised me several times that he will always be with me, taking care of me. I know he didn't mean to broke his promise.

Is strange how life could be the happiest thing and then, from one day to another, change to be the most lonely and cruel experience 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
LoveGoli   
1 minute ago, Ka9219 said:

I have think about a thousand scenarios where I could save Mario, me, or his brother, or his father, or anyone. I close my eyes and start thinking about of a million of possibilities, the one that happens, was the most horrible of all. I wish I could change things, but as you say the reality is that they are gone, and is the cruelest reality ever.

Mario also promised me several times that he will always be with me, taking care of me. I know he didn't mean to broke his promise.

Is strange how life could be the happiest thing and then, from one day to another, change to be the most lonely and cruel experience 

Yes agree life can change in one day or even in one second. When I was sending my Goli to ICU, he was so sure that he will be fine and told me that not to worry about him, go home and take rest, I will meet you at morning. I didn't know that he will meet me but not alive. I wish, I die that same day but may be I have my past life sins that is why I stayed here alone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ka9219   
2 hours ago, TooDevastated said:

Ka9219,

I'm so sorry for what we are going through. It hasnt even been two months since Bruce died and I keep crying for a few hours everyday. It has become a part of my day now...Maybe I will cry less in time like you.

It's still too hard for me to cope. I keep running into a cute gift he has given me, a card he has written, or I remember a joke we used to make to each other and I wish to be dead. I dont know how long I'll be able to keep going with a constant bump in my throat and tears in my eyes. I received his ashes and it sucks!

The body I kissed and held and cuddled and loved more than everything is nothing but ashes now. Life is SO unfair and full of disappointment...

I have always thought from your posts that you're coping with this better than I do and I hope I'm right. Hang in there X

I wont lie to you, I don't cry as much as I used to but I still cry almost daily, some days I only sob, other days I cried as much as the first day. But the pain is changing, is not as overwhelming as the beginning, is "reaching new levels", now is becoming part of me, settling into my heart, is more constant and is kind of more painful. The pain is becoming part of me and my body and mind are trying to get used to, maybe that is why I am not crying as much as before, but is there, hurting.

I made a mini "altar" in my room, is on my desktop, I have one photo of us, and a card his parents gave in memorial, also I had a crystal heart shaped he brought me from Mexico and a rock angel shaped and it says: "I will never leave you alone", also a pop figure of our favorite videogame. It helps right? It helps to have someone that they gave us with so much love?

When I saw the "box" or the "ash container" -pardon me, I don't know the correct translation- I was shocked, my big man is in there? Are you kidding me? A thousand of questions and anger burst inside my head, it wasn't Mario, he should be in another place, but there is no way he could fit in there. It took me a week to process it. When we spread his ashes on the sea I shocked one more time, is "that" Mario? It seems like white sand, I touched his ashes because I want to "touched him" one last time. I still can't stand the idea, that my big man, my sweet man, those arms and chest I felt when he hugged me, became only "white sand". I am still working on it, I am crying only to think about it.

I think you are better expressing yourself, I sleep almost all day, and when I woke up I ramble into my house until I feel hungry and eat whatever is on my way and then I wait for the night to cry and go back to sleep. I want to die, everyday.

Life is unfair and is cruel. A big hug for you

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
LoveGoli   
2 minutes ago, Ka9219 said:

I wont lie to you, I don't cry as much as I used to but I still cry almost daily, some days I only sob, other days I cried as much as the first day. But the pain is changing, is not as overwhelming as the beginning, is "reaching new levels", now is becoming part of me, settling into my heart, is more constant and is kind of more painful. The pain is becoming part of me and my body and mind are trying to get used to, maybe that is why I am not crying as much as before, but is there, hurting.

I made a mini "altar" in my room, is on my desktop, I have one photo of us, and I card his parents gave in memorial, also I had a crystal heart shaped he brought me from Mexico and a rock angel shaped and it says: "I will never leave you alone", also a pop figure of our favorite videogame. It helps right? It helps to have someone that they gave us with so much love?

When I saw the "box" or the "ash container" -pardon me, I don't know the correct translation- I was shocked, my big man is in there? Are you kidding me? A thousand of questions and anger burst inside my head, it wasn't Mario, he should be in another place, but there is no way he could fit in there. It took me a week to process it. When we spread his ashes on the sea I shocked one more time, is "that" Mario? It seems like white sand, I touched his ashes because I want to "touched him" one last time. I still can't stand the idea, that my big man, my sweet man, those arms and chest I felt when he hugged me, became only "white sand". I am still working on it, I am crying only to think about it.

I think you are better expressing yourself, I sleep almost all day, and when I woke up I ramble into my house until I feel hungry and eat whatever is on my way and then I wait for the night to cry and go back to sleep. I want to die, everyday.

Life is unfair and is cruel. A big hug for you

Your post make me cry specially "I still can't stand the idea, that my big man, my sweet man, those arms and chest I felt when he hugged me, became only "white sand". " line.

You are 100% correct about life, when I was with my Goli, life was so fun for me, we had so many plans but now life is just a burden which we have to carry till the end. I wish death find me so soon, I parayed every night that I dont want to wake up morning, Goli please take me away with you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ka9219   
25 minutes ago, LoveGoli said:

Yes agree life can change in one day or even in one second. When I was sending my Goli to ICU, he was so sure that he will be fine and told me that not to worry about him, go home and take rest, I will meet you at morning. I didn't know that he will meet me but not alive. I wish, I die that same day but may be I have my past life sins that is why I stayed here alone.

Mario spent 5 days in the hospital, 1 in ER and 4 in ICU, the first day I sat down next to his mother and talked with her about how are we going to do when we came out of the hospital. I was telling her that Mario needed a new bed and maybe I was willing to taking to my house that it has no stairs. We both assume we will be ok, and after 4 days our entire world changed.

I also wish I could die, I will love to be reunited with him. I don't see ourselves as "sinners" we are humans and we commit mistakes, but I can't understand why he left and I am still here, living without him, it seems unfair.

4 minutes ago, LoveGoli said:

Your post make me cry specially "I still can't stand the idea, that my big man, my sweet man, those arms and chest I felt when he hugged me, became only "white sand". " line.

You are 100% correct about life, when I was with my Goli, life was so fun for me, we had so many plans but now life is just a burden which we have to carry till the end. I wish death find me so soon, I parayed every night that I dont want to wake up morning, Goli please take me away with you.

I am sorry I didn't mean to "remove" sad and painful feelings in your heart, is terrible and is shocking all the things that involves the death of our love one. We were never ready for this, and there is no way to "prepare" someone for this, is shocking and painful.

I understand you, they were our bestfriend, our soulmate, life was beautiful because they light it up! When I looked at him at the eyes I said inside my mind: "thank you, thank you because he is the best thing of my life". As you every night I ask Mario to take me with him. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
LoveGoli   

One colleague in my office lost his mother this same month and came office today and I can see him talking with other peoples, laughing like he was used to but I am still in so much pain and cant talk to anyone this is the difference losing spouse and other family member. He has his wife in home , he has his support with whom he can share his feeling but for me no one exist and no one ever understand me like my Goli did.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
KayC   
4 hours ago, LoveGoli said:

I wish, I die that same day but may be I have my past life sins that is why I stayed here alone.

I don't believe their dying was because of anything we did or didn't do.  It's easier for me to accept that it's a random thing rather than something someone directed or a result of something.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ka9219   
11 hours ago, LoveGoli said:

One colleague in my office lost his mother this same month and came office today and I can see him talking with other peoples, laughing like he was used to but I am still in so much pain and cant talk to anyone this is the difference losing spouse and other family member. He has his wife in home , he has his support with whom he can share his feeling but for me no one exist and no one ever understand me like my Goli did.

 

We all process death in different ways, and it also depends how close we were with the person who died, I can imagine the pain of losing my mother. My bestfriend in collage also lost his mother, three years ago and she is struggling, the day Mario died, she came to my home and hugged me, we both cried, I cried because of Mario and she because of her mother. Indeed losing our love one is hard, they were our partner in life, the one we choose and the one we trusted. 

I also share what KayC says, bad things happens, and it happens to good people.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Dian   
On 8/27/2017 at 5:19 PM, KMB said:

Time is a double edged sword for us. It can be our friend or our enemy and both in the same moments. For me, I feel it is my enemy.The thoughts and feelings of this grieving is enough to drive a person crazy!

I totally understand what you are saying. I am just existing not living. I'm so tired of this pure agony, hard to think it will ever get better. I don't know how much more I can take. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
LoveGoli   
1 hour ago, Dian said:

I totally understand what you are saying. I am just existing not living. I'm so tired of this pure agony, hard to think it will ever get better. I don't know how much more I can take. 

Agree, I am also just existing but not living, life is just a burden now. I am feeling very low today, I don't know why but since morning I am continuously thinking about future. I know currently I have to stick on "One day at a time" but I can't stop my mind thinking about future. I am 29 only and may be live 20-30 year more then how would I survive without anyone, without love, without family.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Eagle-96   
10 hours ago, LoveGoli said:

Agree, I am also just existing but not living, life is just a burden now. I am feeling very low today, I don't know why but since morning I am continuously thinking about future. I know currently I have to stick on "One day at a time" but I can't stop my mind thinking about future. I am 29 only and may be live 20-30 year more then how would I survive without anyone, without love, without family.

 

Before our soulmates died we were all living. We had plans for the future. Events to look forward to. We were making memories. Now I just exist. Most days are the same with just a different word and number on the calendar. It's like I'm in the movie Ben Hur where I am one of the many who are rowing the ship. Row, row, row. Same thing different day. Nothing to look forward to. No new memories with Lori. Just the same thing day after day after day. I guess I've just hit a rough patch after five months.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
KayC   
12 hours ago, LoveGoli said:

I am 29 only and may be live 20-30 year more then how would I survive without anyone, without love, without family.

Whenever those thoughts hit me I stop them, put up my hand, remind myself to stay in today!  We can't worry about tomorrow, we have enough to concern ourselves with today!

I was 52 when George died, in my family we live to our 90s, I couldn't fathom 40 years without him, but this one day I can do.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  Little by little you begin to build your life to include new friends and activities, it takes time though.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 8/28/2017 at 5:46 AM, Ka9219 said:

I made a mini "altar" in my room, is on my desktop, I have one photo of us, and a card his parents gave in memorial, also I had a crystal heart shaped he brought me from Mexico and a rock angel shaped and it says: "I will never leave you alone", also a pop figure of our favorite videogame. It helps right? It helps to have someone that they gave us with so much love?

That sounds beautiful, especially the crystal heart from Mexico. If it is okay to ask, what was the video game that you both liked? I think it is so important to remember and honor those little details. I enjoy video games too, although I'm not very good :)

I have a similar set up in my room, a framed picture of us with some of his ID cards (drivers license, high school ID from many years ago) around it - and its funny, also a figurine from a board game we played often (Monopoly). We had played a few days before the accident, and it was still left sitting on the kitchen table when I went back to our house weeks later. He had given me one of the game pieces as an "amnesty" token, so I wouldn't have to pay if I landed on one of his spaces. I immediately remembered and put it in my pocket that day I went to the house, and now I have it beside the photo and his ID cards on the desk in my room here at my parents' place. 

I also can empathize with the ashes. It is so hard to understand, I still to this day, really can't wrap my mind around it. David was so big and sturdy, a booming presence, so I can't fathom his body still not being somewhere here on earth, intact and perfect. I was not able to see him before the cremation, as I was still in the hospital, so maybe that is partly to blame. They clipped off some locks of his hair and put them in small bags, one for me and his mom and his sisters. I have it in my jewelry box, but it is too hard to look at most days. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, Eagle-96 said:

Most days are the same with just a different word and number on the calendar. 

Sadly, this is the perfect way to put it. My dad will often ask me "what is new today?"... and I think... nothing. Nothing is new anymore. There are no new memories with David, no plans in the works, not even the everyday stresses of life "before"... which now I would do anything to have back again. To worry about things like booking flights, pleasing my boss, what to make for dinner when friends were coming over... man, those were the days. Now I simply get up, shower, muddle through, and then the day ends. It feels like time has come to a screeching halt and the only things that change, as you put, are the words and numbers on the calendar. I feel like I will always been trapped in June 2017 and everything since is just a farce. 

 

11 hours ago, KayC said:

Whenever those thoughts hit me I stop them, put up my hand, remind myself to stay in today!  We can't worry about tomorrow, we have enough to concern ourselves with today!

I was 52 when George died, in my family we live to our 90s, I couldn't fathom 40 years without him, but this one day I can do.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  Little by little you begin to build your life to include new friends and activities, it takes time though.

Your words, as always, are so helpful and true. In spite of my last comment, or maybe in keeping with it, now it's always about just getting through one day at a time. It's too hard to look beyond the next day (or hour), so I feel like it's a victory to just put one foot in front of the other. 

My other big "victory" for this week was driving again, for the first time since our accident. Everyone was very nervous about the idea, but it was surprisingly easy. I think because at the time of the crash, I was a passenger and not driving. I still don't like being in the front passenger seat. Nonetheless, it felt good to take back a little piece of freedom. My mother came down with a bad cold, and needed some medicine picked up from Walgreens, so I got behind the wheel of my brothers car and went for it. That was yesterday, and now today I took another trip to buy a birthday present for my sister and to get some coffee. I felt accomplished, and kept hoping all the while that David was watching and I was making him proud. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ka9219   
13 hours ago, Eagle-96 said:

Before our soulmates died we were all living. We had plans for the future. Events to look forward to. We were making memories. Now I just exist. Most days are the same with just a different word and number on the calendar. It's like I'm in the movie Ben Hur where I am one of the many who are rowing the ship. Row, row, row. Same thing different day. Nothing to look forward to. No new memories with Lori. Just the same thing day after day after day. I guess I've just hit a rough patch after five months.

I always feel sad because I think that I never dreamed until I met Mario, I had some life projects, like finishing my studies, getting a good job, buying a nice car, but everything was so mundane. When I met Mario, I started dreaming, I dreamed a life with him, waking up next to him, preparing his breakfast, have a family with him, rising our child, spend time together. Now as you, I am barely existing, I woke up, eat and do whatever I have to do and then back to sleep, like a zombie! Every day is hard 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ka9219   
1 hour ago, AshleyDonahue said:

That sounds beautiful, especially the crystal heart from Mexico. If it is okay to ask, what was the video game that you both liked? I think it is so important to remember and honor those little details. I enjoy video games too, although I'm not very good :)

I have a similar set up in my room, a framed picture of us with some of his ID cards (drivers license, high school ID from many years ago) around it - and its funny, also a figurine from a board game we played often (Monopoly). We had played a few days before the accident, and it was still left sitting on the kitchen table when I went back to our house weeks later. He had given me one of the game pieces as an "amnesty" token, so I wouldn't have to pay if I landed on one of his spaces. I immediately remembered and put it in my pocket that day I went to the house, and now I have it beside the photo and his ID cards on the desk in my room here at my parents' place. 

I also can empathize with the ashes. It is so hard to understand, I still to this day, really can't wrap my mind around it. David was so big and sturdy, a booming presence, so I can't fathom his body still not being somewhere here on earth, intact and perfect. I was not able to see him before the cremation, as I was still in the hospital, so maybe that is partly to blame. They clipped off some locks of his hair and put them in small bags, one for me and his mom and his sisters. I have it in my jewelry box, but it is too hard to look at most days. 

We used to played World of Warcraft, I wasn't a hardcore gamer, and we both met because of the game, yes, I met the love of my life by playing my favorite videogame. He was super good at every game, he said his favorite game was The Last of us (PS4), but he also loved Zelda -all of them- and Pokemon games, I think he also loved one called "Fire Emblem." We met playing and I used to be really bad, but in order to spend more time with him playing I started playing as a hardcore gamer, "studying" the game, my character, my class, it was funny because I was the worst warrior of the guild, and the last month we played together -the last month Mario lived- I was on the top 5 dps players. I know is silly but I felt happy because he was proud of me, and he thank me because of my effort we could play together all we wanted :) But I haven't played since the day of the accident, is hard.

His mother has his ID, I have his passport but is not in his altar, I loved the idea of the clipped hair, I never thought about it, but I could be a great idea, I would love to have a piece of his heart, but for me, everything went so fast. I didn't wanted to see him in "that way" because I'd like to remember him smiley, happy, as we has, always filled with happiness. Mario was also big is hard to handle it, right? Is hard to accept that his body is not longer here :(  

I like the story of the Monopoly's figurine. They used to made things in order to helps us and support us, even in a game :) Did you usually play a lot of table games? We were mostly playing in the computer haha.

I feel like time also stopped, in 3 months I haven't done anything, not a single good memory, nothing that is worth recalling, I just move from one day to another, avoiding thinking in the future because is difficult, without him, without them life feels so nonsense. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Eagle-96   
11 hours ago, AshleyDonahue said:

It feels like time has come to a screeching halt and the only things that change, as you put, are the words and numbers on the calendar. I feel like I will always been trapped in June 2017 and everything since is just a farce. 

It really feels that way. Everything just stopped on 04/01/17. The day before I was happy. Content with the life Lori and I made. We had each other and we didn't need anyone else. In the blink of an eye EVERYTHING changed. From the happiest I have ever been to the saddest. From the top of Mt Everest to the bottom of the ocean. Most change in life is gradual. You don't even notice it happening. It slowly evolves until the change is the new normal. But THIS. This altered every fiber of our beings in one fell swoop. Friends and family don't realize what has been asked of us. They don't get that we will never be the person we were the day before we lost our soulmates. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
KylieL   
10 hours ago, Ka9219 said:

We used to played World of Warcraft, I wasn't a hardcore gamer, and we both met because of the game, yes, I met the love of my life by playing my favorite videogame. He was super good at every game, he said his favorite game was The Last of us (PS4), but he also loved Zelda -all of them- and Pokemon games, I think he also loved one called "Fire Emblem." We met playing and I used to be really bad, but in order to spend more time with him playing I started playing as a hardcore gamer, "studying" the game, my character, my class, it was funny because I was the worst warrior of the guild, and the last month we played together -the last month Mario lived- I was on the top 5 dps players. I know is silly but I felt happy because he was proud of me, and he thank me because of my effort we could play together all we wanted :) But I haven't played since the day of the accident, is hard.

I met my love by playing video game, too. (sometimes people think we are not serious about the relationship because of that.) I have some friends who usually play games together and my friends introduced him to me. We couldn't always go dating so we just play video games. We started playing FFXIV just two months before his death and we got married in the game lol it sounds stupid isn't it. But I'm so glad we did that, because I will never get a chance to marry him in real life. Now I can't play that game anymore, I never play that alone. I could't play any games until a month after his death. Now I still play his favorite game, Overwatch, with my friends, and one of his friends who started playing lately. I play our skype call recordings while playing the game, it feels like he is still here playing with me. But I don't enjoy the game as much as I did, it's not the same without him shouting "help" or "who killed my Kylie"... He always said he wanted a PS4. I was planning to give him one as a christmas gift, and we could play it together at christmas in his house. But now I don't have to buy it anymore ... Although we didn't have much memory of going out, dating, and mostly we just played video games together, I miss those days so much. It's so hard looking at the friend list and it says he's away for 2 months ... :( 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
KayC   
13 hours ago, AshleyDonahue said:

I felt accomplished, and kept hoping all the while that David was watching and I was making him proud. 

Oh I think he's bursting his buttons!  I feel proud and I don't even know you!  It is no easy accomplishment.  When my sister had her accident that killed her three year old and made her a quadriplegic and damaged my other sister's brain (equilibrium, so she falls) I was 15 and it scared me to death.  This was just at the time I should have been learning to drive, yet it took me YEARS to go for my driver's license!  You are pushing past this reminding fear in record time and I think it's remarkable!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


×