What can I do??

[Felix]

So, a long story short. I have been together with my girlfriend for maybe two or three years now. We both have depression and so. We both tried suicide before, even together one time. But this was some year ago. We've both changed. Our realatiship isn't the most healthiest.  I think we are mostly emotional dependent on each other, more so her than me. But this doesn't come to the topic right now. Some months ago we had been talking about suicide. More so on, it isn't worth it, we need to stay alive, we can't die. Stuff like that. We have even made plans for what we could together in some months. Just normal couple planning stuff.  The contact I have with her parents are okay. We had met before but I kinda get the impression her dad doesn't like us. Not because he doesn't like me as a person. He doesn't like us together as he always says our realationship is unhealthy and it's best we seperate rather than stay together. That, I have to agree with him unfourtunetly.  With her mom I'm not really sure because of a language barrier. She is Thai. Her dad speaks Swedish and English and its much easier for us to comunicate. As for her younger brother he is proably really shy around me and doesn't talk that much to me as my girlfriend has already said.

Today has been really different. We didn't see each other or made any plans. I had to help my uncle with some house works. We phoned each other in the morning for 15 - 20 minutes. We just talked happy stuff. After that she just spent time with her brother as far as I know. Her brother likes those Pokemon hunt game so they go out for walks and play together nearly everyday. We didn't talk very much. Later today in the afternoon she was complaning to me via text at how she can't really stand life. I wanted her to expand on what she was saying. Since I was busy and god knows what she was doing. It took us a little time for us to reply to each other. She then messaged me saying she needs to speak to her therapist. I asked why, you can't wait until Wedneday? I asked. She resplied with, "its an emergeny" I needed to understand what was going on. I wanted to help but its hard to via a text. 

It was  6 - 7 PM. I didn't eat much today so I defnietly needed something to eat. I messaged her, "after I eat lets get on Skype and we can talk better" No reply,  I was preparing myself my dinner for today. After, maybe 30 minutes, maybe less or more. I don't remember. I got 17 texts from her. She said she just taken an overdose. I immediatly phoned her. We talked for two minutes while I got everything straight into my head.  She lives with her parents and she didn't dare to tell them.  I can't leave this happen so I quickly hanged up on my girlfriend, she knew I was going to phone her dad anway so no need to explain.  I phoned her dad, I was shaking quite a lot. But the phone was ringing and this is an emergeny. I had to call, no matter waht.  He picked up and I quickly said "she needs to get to the hospital now" he replied with why. I told him what happened in just two words "she overdosed". All I could hear was... not so pleasent. 

 

After some minutes I get some texts from my girlfriend. She is going to be admitted to the psychiatric hospital. She has no choice. The problem we have here is, she visited this psychiatric hospital exactly a week before. She didn't like it. Her parents didn't like it. The social workers didn't like it too much. Her close aunt didn't like it her. And by the things I've heard from it, it's not a very good hospital. But we have no choice. It's the only hospital who are happy to admit her with the problems she has.

Right now I'm just quite worried for her, I have no idea if she is alive or not. I have no contact with her. I of course keep in contact with her dad. I sent her dad a very short text saying I hope everything is okay and if he wanted to call. No reply. He seen the message. I just very much get the impression he hates me. Right now, the only thing I can assume is she drinking charcoal in the hospital and getting on that dip. It's a horrible experience. I've been there myself before. The problem we have is, as soon as her physcial health is checked, she is going to get admitted. And once admitted, we will have no contact for 4 weeks! No contact with the outside world for 4 weeks. Not even with her mom, no visits. Her dad probably hates me and with that, it would make it more difficult for me. 

 

I'm just in a very stuck situation not knwoing what to do. I need to at least talk to her and see if she is okay. Hug her and kiss her and just "its okay". But I can't! We live very far, almost 4 hours away and with this psychiatric hospital, she is will be a further 6 hours away. 

 

I'm just really sad and so, not knowing what to do. What if we can't speak for so long? What if her dad doesn't even care to reply to me? If that happens, it's difficult for us to be together.

[KayC]

I would imagine no one has responded to you because they don't know what to say...I really don't either, but I feel you need a response.  There have been people that have read this, you are being heard.  The people who are here have lost their spouse/significant other to death, that is not the case with you, so that may be another reason no one has responded, they're in a vastly different situation than you.  You sound young.  You sound also like you both have some serious issues that need professional help...more than any of us here are equipped to give.  I strongly urge you to see a counselor.  You are subject to waiting on her parents to get word to you and that may or may not be forthcoming.  That is a hard place to be in, that state of waiting.  They are right about one thing, the two of you together has not been healthy for each other...maybe because each of you are unstable and you feed that in each other even as you relate.  The very thing that draws you to each other is the very thing that makes it unhealthy.  That doesn't mean you don't care, you obviously do.  I'm glad you have come to the realization that you shouldn't take your life, I hope she comes to that realization as well.  Right now she needs the treatment she is getting.  Try to look at that as a positive thing and not only how it affects you in the short term.

Yes it's hard to not be able to communicate with the one you love for a time...I have been in that situation for over 12 years now.  My husband, my soulmate and best friend, passed away unexpectedly.  I couldn't see how I could live one week without him and now it's been over 12 years and 2 months since we've been able to talk or hold each other, so yes, I do know how hard that can be.  You don't know what to do...the answer is continue to love each other on faith, knowing you will reconnect eventually.  Hang in there, get help for yourself, that is the best gift you can give her.  You cannot change or affect her dad, you can only respect his wishes and accept what eventually is best for both of you regardless of where that takes you.  No more talk of suicide though, not unless to a counselor that can help you.

Wishing you the best...

[Felix]

2 hours ago, KayC said:

I would imagine no one has responded to you because they don't know what to say...I really don't either, but I feel you need a response.  There have been people that have read this, you are being heard.  The people who are here have lost their spouse/significant other to death, that is not the case with you, so that may be another reason no one has responded, they're in a vastly different situation than you.  You sound young.  You sound also like you both have some serious issues that need professional help...more than any of us here are equipped to give.  I strongly urge you to see a counselor.  You are subject to waiting on her parents to get word to you and that may or may not be forthcoming.  That is a hard place to be in, that state of waiting.  They are right about one thing, the two of you together has not been healthy for each other...maybe because each of you are unstable and you feed that in each other even as you relate.  The very thing that draws you to each other is the very thing that makes it unhealthy.  That doesn't mean you don't care, you obviously do.  I'm glad you have come to the realization that you shouldn't take your life, I hope she comes to that realization as well.  Right now she needs the treatment she is getting.  Try to look at that as a positive thing and not only how it affects you in the short term.

Yes it's hard to not be able to communicate with the one you love for a time...I have been in that situation for over 12 years now.  My husband, my soulmate and best friend, passed away unexpectedly.  I couldn't see how I could live one week without him and now it's been over 12 years and 2 months since we've been able to talk or hold each other, so yes, I do know how hard that can be.  You don't know what to do...the answer is continue to love each other on faith, knowing you will reconnect eventually.  Hang in there, get help for yourself, that is the best gift you can give her.  You cannot change or affect her dad, you can only respect his wishes and accept what eventually is best for both of you regardless of where that takes you.  No more talk of suicide though, not unless to a counselor that can help you.

Wishing you the best...

Thank you very much for your responce KayC. All is fine right now. Since her dad hates me I needed to do something. I had to do some digging into this situation. I don't know her family really well apart from her main family. Dad and mom etc. I knew she has a very close aunt who lives very far but she is very supportive of her and our realationship in general. I have called her this Monday morning. We have talked for a long time over the phone. I got a whole new perspective about her dad now. It doesn't change the fact he still hates me but I now know a lot more. Her dad is a very tempered person who needs help himself with managing anger and so. He takes everything the wrong way. He makes drastic changes and it really doesn't help my girlfriend. She needs to be shown love and not just lectures from her mom and dad about useless things.  I  won't say eveything we talked about on the phone here but I just want to say all is fine, as of right now. 

A few updates to give. Her dad has taken away her phone. He does not want us to be in any contact. She won't be admitted. Instead we are looking at different alternatives instead. It will be a slow decision rather than a quick drastic decision. She is currently in the hospital and will be there for a few days, after which I hope things can calm down. I hadn't talked to her yet. I'm just talking to her aunt and her aunt is talking to her on the phone. So in theory it's imposible for me to talk to her. She can't call abroad and if I call the hospital. I won't get past the verification.

Right now, everything is a little fine. We will just have to take this a day by day and see what happens.

[KayC]

Yes, just keep a cool head.  I remember when going through one of the roughest spots in my life, I'd wake up, look in the mirror, and tell myself, "It won't be like this forever."  And it wasn't.  The happiest part of my life occurred AFTER that point.  Of course losing George (to death) is different because it's not like that's going to change any time soon, but I do hang in there knowing we'll be together again, even if I do have a very long wait.

I'm sorry your GF's dad isn't a more stable part of her life, maybe that's part of why she's struggled so much.  But even this won't be this way forever, life does have a way of changing and things working out eventually.  I'm glad you were able to get some news from her aunt, even an update helps reassure your mind.

[KMB]

Felix, I read your story last night. I wanted to respond, but I didn't know the right words. I still don't. I just want you to know, you and your girlfriend are in my thoughts. With her currently in the hospital, she is safe there and being taken care of and watched over. What happens from there, I don't know. I sincerely hope that she gets the professional help she needs. I hope you take care of yourself also. Everyone deserves to be loved and to experience a life with purpose and meaning. I wish you both well.

[Felix]

1 minute ago, KMB said:

Felix, I read your story last night. I wanted to respond, but I didn't know the right words. I still don't. I just want you to know, you and your girlfriend are in my thoughts. With her currently in the hospital, she is safe there and being taken care of and watched over. What happens from there, I don't know. I sincerely hope that she gets the professional help she needs. I hope you take care of yourself also. Everyone deserves to be loved and to experience a life with purpose and meaning. I wish you both well.

 

3 minutes ago, KayC said:

Yes, just keep a cool head.  I remember when going through one of the roughest spots in my life, I'd wake up, look in the mirror, and tell myself, "It won't be like this forever."  And it wasn't.  The happiest part of my life occurred AFTER that point.  Of course losing George (to death) is different because it's not like that's going to change any time soon, but I do hang in there knowing we'll be together again, even if I do have a very long wait.

I'm sorry your GF's dad isn't a more stable part of her life, maybe that's part of why she's struggled so much.  But even this won't be this way forever, life does have a way of changing and things working out eventually.  I'm glad you were able to get some news from her aunt, even an update helps reassure your mind.

Thank you two both. An update really does reassure me. We just have to take it a day by day from here on. I'm hoping I can get a chance to speak with her soon enough.