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Dad Passed Away June 2016 And Now Mom Is In Hospital For Severe Depression & Anxiety

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So I lost my father unexpectedly in June 2016. I got to spend almost 5 days with him in hospital along with my oldest brother watching him fade away. I was there when he took his final breath which is a sight I will never forget, I am grateful for the final time I spent with him but it was REALLY hard. Since his passing I have struggled with depression. I have never been very good at talking about my emotions, I prefer to bottle them up and I have pretty much bottled everything up for the last ~24 years. I have talked to a psychologist a bunch of times and tried to talk to my wife but it only helps for a bit then I start bottling up everything again. I take it out on my family by being very short with them or not talking to my wife which I feel absolutely horrible about.

Over the last year since my dad's passing, my mom who lives 3,000+ miles away has been slipping deeper and deeper into depression and drinking more and more until a few weeks ago when we happened to be in town visiting where she decided she needed to make a change and got herself admitted to a mental health institute where she is doing much better. I'm hopeful but trying not to get my hopes up in case things go sideways again.

So that's a lot of rambling... I'm not sure what I'm doing on here but I obviously have things I need to discuss so I guess I'm hoping this helps.

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Dear LokeJr,

My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your beloved father. I'm very sorry for your loss.

I'm sorry to hear about your mom's struggle as well. There is a lot going on and its hard.

They say grief is like wave. There is no right and wrong way. I think we all go in phases, where we think we are doing okay and then something else reveals itself and we are knocked down again.

Please know you are not alone. We are all here to listen and support you in anyway we can. I don't know if you are interested but I find these websites helpful in understanding my grief: What's Your Grief and the Grief Healing Blog.

Take care of yourself.

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Dear Lokejr,

I am so sorry for your loss of your dad.  Its good that you are here because if you can't talk to your wife and the psychologist wasn't as helpful as you hoped, you've done well to try again.

It is hard to reach out but you've done it and we are here to listen.  I am sorry about your mom too.  Its a very stressful time for you.  I know you said that the psychologist only helped temporarily but I think its because you need to keep on doing it.  Its ongoing.  Like grief.  If you share something and you feel a little ease, if you stop, all the emotions get stuck again and it comes out in anger.  I would encourage you to keep going to the psychologist unless you found he/she was not right for you?  It takes time.  A long time and its continual.  The loss isn't going to go away but it may help if you keep talking about what you're going through.  If you can't, we are all here.  We understand because we are all going through the same brutal loss.  For me, it helps reading others stories because even though I feel lost without my mom, I see that everyone else does too and it feels more normal and not totally like I am losing my mind.  What I've learnt is grief is very layered.  Sometimes its just the pain of loss and missing that person who was there all our lives.  Other times its guilt, anger, anger at others for not understanding it doesn't wear off after a few weeks or a few months.  Sometimes its the continual movie that goes on in my mind of everything that happened leading up to my mother dying.  Her illness, the suffering, the hospital etc...my family.  its many things.  Come back and talk more.  We are listening.  We understand because we are all in the same miserable place.

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