Questions??

[bells82]

My daughter died 4 years ago in a car accident.  She was 3 and all I had in this world. My question is; Shouldn't I be able to function by now?  I can't seem to get my life straight since she died and I don't know why.  I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me very much and would be there in a heartbeat if I said that I needed him, although he doesn't fully understand what or how I'm feeling.  I have been through so much in the last 4 years that I just want to give up on everything.  I can't seem to hold a job, and I haven't had a "home" in a very long time.  (I'm a couch surfer.)  I feel like I spend all my time running away from how I feel.  I was just wondering how long it took to get your life straight again? 

[Guest]

Hi Bells82!

I'm so sorry for your loss!

In answer to your question of how long it takes to straighten your life out:  It takes as long as it takes.

As for the loss of a child or any loved one, the journey is hard, almost impossible.  Almost.  It is doable.  But, not without pain.  Intense pain.  It wasn't out of courage that I chose to face the pain; It was out of desparation and hopelessness.  I had no choice but to feel it.  And, it hasn't been without help.  I couldn't do it if I had to do it on my own.

Most cities and towns have resources available that might be helpful to you.  If you're really ready to get your life back, you might consider checking out some of the local agencies in your town.  Maybe begin by calling a women's shelter...they might not be the place for you, but they could direct you to the right place...or at least closer to the right place.

Good luck!  You're in a rough spot, but there is hope. 

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[mikesmomrs]

Bells82:  As Sus said, it takes a very long time, and you will find that you are never the "same" person...you evolve over time, you learn to cope with things, but your hurt and pain are never really gone...they just seem to get softer.  And, it does take time, and facing the pain.  Many people ask us "aren't you over that yet?  haven't you moved on?"  You can't really "move on," because that infers leaving something behind, and you do take this with you always, but as time goes by you do move "through it" to the other side...a totally different life, different outlook, etc., but filled with the love and memories of your sweet baby... It helps to think about how much your baby would want you to go forward in your life, to keep her memory right by you, but to be inspired by it, as well, to live the best life you can, in her honor.  My son passed from brain cancer, so we had some time before he left us to talk about things.  One of the most important things he said to me was "Mom, you can't die because I do.  You have to live your life."  And I think that if every child who has left this earth too early had the opportunity to do so, they would say the same thing to their beloved parents....don't die, live, live in honor of my life if that is what you want, but live.  You are in my prayers.

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[bells82]

Thank you guys so much.  I thought I had already lost my mind.  It helps to know that there are people out there who went through this themselves and made it out more or less in tact.  I'm really trying to balance out my life.  I guess I'm scared to forget her, and I'm even more scared to remember because it hurts so much.  I'm ready to "move on".  I know that's not the way that I should put it but that's the only way that I know how to put it.  I hear all the time to leave the past in the past, and I'm glad that this isn't something that I have to leave.  Maybe my issue is that I've been trying so hard to "get over it" and it's not something that I can get over no matter how hard I try.  I've tried counseling and seeing a therapist, and I've also been in group therapy and none of it seems to work for me.  I'm from a small town and there's not many people who have been through what I've been through, and there aren't too many resources available to help a person who has lost their child.  I'm glad I found this website.  Thank you so much.

[Kelly]

June 07, 2010

 

Dear Members,

 

We’re excited to inform you that we’re moving to a new and improved message board at the end of this week. It may seem a little bit sudden, but we recently learned that the company that designed our current board is no longer in existence. Our new message board will offer enhanced profile capabilities and chat rooms with up to 20 people at a time (and more if we need it). All of your old posts and private messages will be migrated to our new message board. You may need to re-post your profile picture. Our new message board will feature:

 

• Custom profile fields
  
• Profile page customization with optional background colors, images, and tiling options
  
• Facebook and Twitter integration
  
• Multiple post responses via “mini-quotes”
  
• Pinned discussion threads
  
• Targeted board announcements (for entire board or certain sections)
  
• Comprehensive search options enabling users to easily find all content created by a particular member (by clicking “Find Content” on the main profile page, or in the “Mini Profile” pop-up which can be accessed throughout the board) 
  
• Enhanced privacy options that allow users to sign in anonymously, be hidden from the online users list, disable personal conversations, and deny user-to-user emails

 

You can access the new message board by visiting www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com. Grieving.com is still 100% a part of Beyond Indigo; we just created a new Web address for Search Engine Optimization (SEO) purposes. We’ll do our best to redirect all existing URL’s to our new board, but if you have difficulty accessing them, just remember to visit www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We’ll of course try to make this transition as seamless as possible. 

 

Our new board will seamlessly enable us to grow our community and provide you with even more ways to interact with one other, and for that we’re very grateful. Please feel free to email feedback@beyondindigo.com with any questions, and thank you for being a part of the Beyond Indigo online community.

 

Kelly Baltzell, MA

President/CEO, Beyond Indigo

 

 

[missyou02]

i want to thankyou for posting i lost my cousin she got hit by  a car i want to ask you how do i move on all i think about is that  so email   me  with any  advise @

 

  balletdancer00@hotmail.com     thankyou so much ainsleigh:):P:X:?:shock::dude:   thankyouu

 

[Kelly]

Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family