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Flory

feelings about moving on

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Flory   

I have written a post here about a month and half ago, explaining my situation and how I feel about losing my mother. http://forums.grieving.com/index.php?/topic/11256-how-can-i-live-with-myself/

Now, I don't know what I feel and it scares me. I started living my life like before, even though nothing is like before, there's this sadness that hoovers over everything I do. I have moments when I cry, but they are lesser and moments when I laugh and maybe forget about it for a while.  
But it just doesn't seem right. Even though I express myself and let things out when they come, I fear that I'm moving on too fast and that I'm not healing. Sometimes I feel guilt because I laugh and forget, sometimes I know it's what mom would have wanted, sometimes it's really really hard and I feel it's getting harder.
It's the first time in my life when I really don't know how I feel and what is happening. And I think that this is happening mainly because I don't really feel that she's gone, that she has left me. 

I know it's normal to feel lost, but it's not that. I feel like I'm moving on too easily and I don't know if that's the road I should be on.


Has any of you experienced this? 

Thank you all of reading!

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Dear Flory,

Please know there is no right way or wrong way to grieve. Its not wrong to feel like you are moving forward. It does not mean you are forgetting your mom. Its all normal because that is part of grief too. We should at some point feel the pain lessen in intensity and be able to resume our lives. Maybe even find some new meaning in our lives too. And still keep the memory of our loved ones with us. It is a delicate balance but it sounds like you are doing it.  Please don't feel guilty. Grief is live a wave so if  you go back a little, don't feel bad about that either.

Take care of yourself. Thank you for continuing to share your thoughts and feelings with us.

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Flory   

Thank you so much for your answer. 
I know there is no right and wrong, but I feel I am doing something wrong for myself. Cause I don't want to hide feelings, but live them as they come in order to solve them and not push them away to that they return when I least expect them. And I have the feeling I am somehow trying to push them away because my mom would have wanted me to be strong. 

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Dear Flory,

I think that too is part of grief. This feeling that sometimes our feelings are wrong. We are showing too much or not enough. Whatever feels the most natural and normal to you. I would let it be. At least that is what I try to tell myself. From my own experience grief is like a wave. I have my moments when I feel like I am moving forward and others where I dwell and ruminate over every mistake I made in my dad's care.

Thinking of you. Take care of yourself.

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Flory   

Yes, that's exactly how it feels. It has those days when I felt a little bit better and the feeling of moving on. Then, these past few days, I've once again "fallen". It's these ups and down, like going from one extreme to another. Do they go away at some point, did you find a way to balance them? 

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Dear Flory,

Its perfectly natural during grief to have these moments. It feels like we take one step forward and then fall back 10 steps. They say grief is like wave and it can last potentially up to 5 years or longer for some.

For myself, I do allow myself to wallow and cry and then start again the next day. There is no right way or wrong way to grieve. But it is hard to accept these up and downs in the journey.

Be kind to yourself. I hope with more time things the feelings will balance out some more.

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