Lost my dad to cancer 5 months ago - Grief is overpowering!

[mills89]

I lost my dad to cancer 5 months ago.

I think i was in shock for the first few months, as even though I felt horrendously sad, I was in a bit of a weird bubble of shock and business trying to sort all of my dads affairs/funeral etc. Since more time has passed and I've altered back to my real life, I suddenly feel a million times worse. Its like a constant suffocating sadness that I cant escape from.

I was with him when he passed in hospice and recently, the day it happened is just on repeat in my head, every little detail of that day, the phone call to say he wouldnt make it through the day to the time he actually passed, just will not stop. 

It genuinely is really depressing me and I have been trying to be strong, however, I feel like all the strength I had to be able to deal with this, is slowly going and I just feel like a wreck.

Is this normal to feel worse? 

 

[reader]

Dear mills89,

I'm very sorry for your loss. Please know you are not alone and all your feelings are normal and natural. Grief is a terrible journey and there is no fixed timeline. I think it takes a long time for our minds and bodies to adjust. Its been 9 months for me and I still can't believe it.

I've tried counselling, grief support, reading different websites and books. I am still struggling to come to terms with my new reality. I would like to suggest these websites:

What's Your Grief

The Grief Healing Blog

I found these websites really good about validating and acknowledging all my feelings.

Try to be kind to yourself. Moment by moment for now.  People tell me the pain will lessen in  intensity over time, I can only hope so.

Take care my friend. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.