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Year and a half on and I still feel so sad

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I have never been on a forum before and found this quite by chance. I'm hoping that someone will know how I'm feeling as I don't know anyone else who has lost a parent at a younger age and although everyone says the right words, they can't relate exactly to how I feel.

So I lost my dad a year and a half ago. It was very sudden, he was not ill at all. My mum and dad had gone out for the evening with friends, they were having a great time, dad literally fell to the floor, paramedics arrived within 4 minutes but could not revive him - had to go through the trauma of a post mortem as it was so unexpected, turned out to be a heart attack.

I'm only 30 and feel like I'm still in shock even though it's been over a year. I've only been able to visit his grave once and feel guilty but it brings me no comfort at all as I don't believe in any sort of after life, once you're gone you're gone. My son was only 2 when it happened and I feel so sad that he doesn't have a grandad. I've got so many things I want to tell dad about my son. Dad didn't show his emotions much but he did show when he was proud of me, I've just got a new job and I know he would have been beaming but I can't share it with him.

Sorry for such a long post but I have no one who understands.i feel so stupid feeling like this after a year. Everyone else around me seems to have moved on and forgotten him.

Thanks to anyone who reads this.

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Dear Kazvlz - My condolences for the your loss. I know exactly how you feel. My mother passed exactly 2yr 4mo yesterday from a massive stroke. Sometimes it feels so unreal like it's a dream or something and mom should be at home sitting in her recliner.

What you're feeling the guilt and the shock is normal. We all go through that and that's part of grief. I was like you, I never was a believer in life after death. Not until my mom passed and I received several signs from her. You may not believe it, but our loved ones are always with us. We may not know it or see it, but they're there. 

I'm glad you found this site. We have an amazing group of people here. Most of us post on the pinned Lost a Parent. We are here to support and listen to you. We are here for you. 

Love and hugs


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Hi Kazvlz,

Please know everything you are thinking and feeling is normal and natural. There is no strict timeline for grief. My one counsellor said it could take up to 5 years to adapt to my new normal.

The pain and sorrow is always with us because we long to have them still with us on earth. We want to tell them all our news in person. Please don't feel stupid. Its not stupid at all to miss one of the most important persons in our lives.

I don't know if this will help, but it was suggested to me. To write in journal, write a letter, or talk out loud to my dad as if were alive. I know others have put letters into balloons and released them. Some ritual to help cope with the grief. It is a terrible shock and for me, I don't know if or when I will come to terms with this loss.

I wished I was in my 50s or 60s like my colleagues who lost their parents. But I realize now, no matter what age you are, it will always be one of the hardest moments in life that any of us go through.

Please know you are not alone. We are all here to listen and support you.

Take care.

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