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Djh0901kc

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My wife and best friend passed away suddenly 3 weeks ago. It was the day before her 35th birthday. This September we would have been together for 16 years and married for 11. I've been reading everything about grief that I can find and was hoping that posting may help me in some way. I can't stop thinking that maybe something will happen and she will come back to me. I know how stupid that is but I just can't accept that she's gone. We were everything to each other. We chose not to have children because we wanted to always be able to put one another first and enjoy our life together. Now that life is gone. I wouldn't have thought it was possible to think about something every second of every day but I think about her every second I'm awake and dream about her in sleep. Then when I wake up it's a cruel joke that she's not here. I can't be around any family or friends. It makes me even more miserable. I feel like half a person just waiting to die. I had to shut off my phone and Facebook because I couldn't stand one more message that it's going to take time. Nothing is ever going to make this better. One day she was here and we were together and the next she was gone. I know soul mates is considered a cheesy term but it's what we were. Not a perfect marriage or anything but two people who truly loved each other and were best friends spending our lives together. Everything I did I did for her and now that she's gone everything seems so meaningless. Other people have things to live for. My reason for living is gone. It's like she and I spoke our own language and now that she's gone I'm the only person in the world who speaks it. I feel like I just can't do this without my baby

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I should add that I don't think I believe in God. I would never claim to know for sure I just think it's unlikely. She did believe. Now I just want God to be real so badly so I may see her again someday. I just want her back so badly.

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I'm so sorry you are going through this.  It is so unbelievable difficult to accept that they are gone. We just have to take everything one day at a time and sometimes even just one hour or minute at a time if needed.   I just picked up my husbands ashes 2 days ago even though I could have for awhile because even though I knew he was gone there was just something so final about having the ashes and seeing them with my own eyes.  It was our anniversary the day I picked them up and I just felt like that was the right time for me.  

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Djh0901kc, I am deeply sorry for your tragic loss. You are among compassionate people on this forum. It is a safe place for expressing your feelings. It is hard when I see new members here, knowing the pain they are going through.Your wife was so young yet and I know how devastated you feel. My husband passed of sudden cardiac arrest. One minute here, the next, gone. I was in shock, disbelief, for a very long time. My consolation was that he didn't suffer. But, I sure am suffering without him in this unwanted new life.

It doesn't matter if you believe in God or not. All you have to have faith in is that we do go on to another life from this one. When it is your turn to transition to that other life, you and your wife will be reunited.

Take care of yourself. One minute, one hour, one day at a time. We are here for you.

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I haven't been posting but it's going on 9 months for me since my husband passed. Nothing anyone says can make it easier. I've missed him and cry for him more than ever but the best thing is to keep yourself busy. 

I do believe that I will be reunited with my husband when it's my time to cross over. Your wife is still going to be with you for a while. When my husband recently passed I felt his presence a lot. Especially, when I was losing my mind. Nowadays, I still feel him just not as often since. 

 

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15 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

It's like she and I spoke our own language and now that she's gone I'm the only person in the world who speaks it.

That really really hits home for me. I couldn't have expressed it better myself. I feel like a stranger in a strange new land. 

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bradley1985
15 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

I know how stupid that is but I just can't accept that she's gone. We were everything to each other. We chose not to have children because we wanted to always be able to put one another first and enjoy our life together. Now that life is gone. I wouldn't have thought it was possible to think about something every second of every day but I think about her every second I'm awake and dream about her in sleep. Then when I wake up it's a cruel joke that she's not here. I can't be around any family or friends. It makes me even more miserable. I feel like half a person just waiting to die. I had to shut off my phone and Facebook because I couldn't stand one more message that it's going to take time. Nothing is ever going to make this better. One day she was here and we were together and the next she was gone. I know soul mates is considered a cheesy term but it's what we were. Not a perfect marriage or anything but two people who truly loved each other and were best friends spending our lives together. Everything I did I did for her and now that she's gone everything seems so meaningless. Other people have things to live for. My reason for living is gone. It's like she and I spoke our own language and now that she's gone I'm the only person in the world who speaks it. I feel like I just can't do this without my baby

I am very sorry you are going through this. My wife was also young (33 years old) and she died the night we were leaving for our first vacation in over a year. Your entire message hit the spot for me right on target.  I have all the same issues you do with family/friends/facebook, etc.  Everyone else's life goes on but mine (ours) has ended.  Nothing is ever going to make this better.  As you say, we spoke our own language and now I am the only person on earth that speaks it.  Great comment.  Everyone else seems so alien to me.  My closest relatives and friends seem alien now.  I wish I had some good advice for you but this has been the cruelest joke by the universe yet.  I have said this on this forum many times.  It feels like a joke.  And when people say they communicate with god or her now that she's gone I get even angrier.  What kind of god gives no warning yet once she is gone would communicate with my family and friend that she is ok???  What about a heads up before she died that she was deadly ill yet nobody knew?  Cruel and unusual.   

The only thing that gets better for me are the physical symptoms.  I dont know what your anxiety is like but mine has gone down.  My depression though has never lifted.  This is the hardest thing ever in the world as you feel isolated like an alien on an distant planet.  After a lot of counseling and grief groups I have calmed down quite a bit and am able to focus on working and some conversation here and there.  But I still cant watch television or read books.  This is not a journey I ever dreamed I would be on.  I really thought my wife would out live me.  

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I am so sorry you lost your wife.  My daughter is 35, I can't imagine her dying.  Her and her husband have been together 17 years, she just lost their baby and then he left her.  It's hard for me to wrap my head around because she loves him so much and thought he loved her too.  People handle loss differently.

I've heard it said that energy doesn't die, it just changes form.  We are energy, so I don't think death of our body is all there is.  You say you don't believe but wish you did, just try to keep your mind open for possibilities, I think you'll find your answer.  I got hammered for this elsewhere, but I think it worth mentioning, you can take it for what it's worth, but faith is believing in what you can't see and sometimes we can't explain it...I go on faith, I think it's a choice.

That said, I am just so sorry you are going through this.  It's so unfair, all death seems to be.

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I would never tell anyone how or what to believe in. All I know is that for me, I don't think there is anything else after this. I haven't felt like my wife is with me at all since she passed. I feel completely and utterly alone. I would give anything, ANYTHING, to see some sign or something that she still exists somewhere and is waiting for me. 

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I feel terrible that I'm not keeping in contact with her family or my own but like someone said they feel alien to me now. Being around anyone just feels wrong because they aren't who I want and I can't bring myself to fake that I care about anything besides the fact that my wife and best friend is gone. I know that sounds deeply selfish and awful but it's true.

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Thank you to everyone by the way. This is my only outlet right now and I appreciate you guys. Strange that a group of strangers can help in a way family cannot

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45 minutes ago, Djh0901kc said:

I know that sounds deeply selfish and awful but it's true.

It is not awful or selfish at all! You have been hit with the tragic loss of your soulmate. The one person who meant the world to you is no longer physically at your side. Our grieving is very internalized and personal. The one person we need to bring us comfort and end the pain is the very one who is gone.

I'm glad you find this forum as a safe place to express your feelings. The only ones who truly understand, have the ability to listen and empathize are those who have experienced the same type of loss.I don't have much of a support system myself and this forum has become my life line.  Prayers of comfort to you.

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59 minutes ago, Djh0901kc said:

I feel terrible that I'm not keeping in contact with her family or my own but like someone said they feel alien to me now. Being around anyone just feels wrong because they aren't who I want and I can't bring myself to fake that I care about anything besides the fact that my wife and best friend is gone. I know that sounds deeply selfish and awful but it's true.

Not selfish at all. You have to do what's right for you and one day you may re-connect with them but it has to be in YOUR time-frame and nobody else. 

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This is the hardest thing we can go through, let your heart guide you.  

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20 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

I would never tell anyone how or what to believe in. All I know is that for me, I don't think there is anything else after this. I haven't felt like my wife is with me at all since she passed. I feel completely and utterly alone. I would give anything, ANYTHING, to see some sign or something that she still exists somewhere and is waiting for me. 

I would not tell someone how or what to believe either.  I didn't think keeping one's mind open to finding your answer was "telling you how/what to believe".  I'm sorry you felt differently.

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I didn't mean that at all. I just didn't want anyone to take offense when I said I didn't believe

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Hi Djh0901kc

I feel you bro, I lost mine during our honeymoon last March. everyday is a struggle and at times my day is bluer than blue but bro one thing is for sure in the afterlife I will find her and join her for all eternity no one knows when but I feel it. Keep strong! 

Shout out to all of the members here! Thank you so much for helping us.  

 

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Djh0901kc,

I'm glad, I thought I don't have a very good track record this week.  No one here will take offense for how anyone believes or doesn't.  We all have this common bond, we feel what the others are going through.  This is the place for comfort and encouragement, and hopefully some healing along the way.

You guys are so new to your loss, I remember what that feels like, you never forget, not at all, it's the hardest thing I've ever been through.  The shock, the pain, anxiety, everything.

yuyu,

Good to see you here, I haven't seen you on here for a while, maybe I missed it.  I've wondered about you.

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I just want it to be over. I would give anything to not wake up tomorrow

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Djh0901kc,

I know.  That's how I felt too, the pain was too great.  Eventually we adjust as much as we can, we learn to cope, but the missing them never goes away.  I do want to assure you, however, that the intensity we have in the beginning lessens, the grief evolves, it doesn't stay the same, no one could handle it if it did.  It is such a shock to our system, it's hard to live through the loss, and the irony is we wish we didn't have to.

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14 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

I would give anything to not wake up tomorrow

I felt that way for several months. Our minds go to those dark places and thoughts when our pain is at its most intense. it takes time and patience for our minds to process and adapt to this traumatic loss. My mind still goes to the dark place once in awhile. Usually when I am hit with a major decision or feel overwhelmed with other things of life that pop up. Like KayC says, we wish we didn't have to live through loss, but this life doesn't give us a choice.   (HUGS)

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I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you are experiencing.  From your post, you can sense the loved your shared for one another - that in itself is so beautiful.  Life is so strange and ours will be forever changed.  For the better, perhaps; but not for me.  My Charles and I were together for 47 years and married for almost 45. The love I had and still have for that man is undescribable. I think about our wedding vows and what we promised one another, *To Love and to Honor* and the *For better or for Worst* part.  I loved and lived my "Better* life with my Charles, unfortunately now I living my *Worst* without him.  Like you, our marriage was not perfect and it didn't always come easy.  We faced challenges, overcame obstacles, but we held on to one another and never let go; we LOVED each other, a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define, but impossible to live without.  And that's how my life feels now, impossible to live without him.  But live without him I must and It is so difficult to do.  But remembering what we had  -  every hour, every minute and every second was worth it because we had each other. No one and nothing can take that away from me.   Sometimes all I can do is lie in bed and hope to fall asleep before I fall apart;  but I will make it through another day and another and another.  Not so much a *better* person, a different one.  I'm going to move forward because that's all I can do;  I'll breathe in, breathe out and move on.  Where to?  I have no clue but I have no choice - life demands you to move on.  One of the hardest things, no - it is the hardest thing I've ever done, but with faith in God, prayer, and this forum, I'll get through it; we all will.

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Francine, Ditto on your whole post. I still don't know how others deal with pain of loss day after day. It has gotten quite old, exhausting, for me and I wonder how I am to make it through another day, a week, a month. When I think about the possible years, my head and my stomach hurt at that thought.  There should be a rule for soulmate loss. Be able to go together or in a very, very short time of one another. This unwanted separation of 2 halves of one heart and soul is horrendous.

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4 hours ago, Francine said:

but I will make it through another day and another and another.  Not so much a *better* person, a different one. 

All we can do is get through one day at a time the best we can. And that is exactly what we're doing. We should give ourselves credit for surviving this. And yes, we are all different since losing the love of our life. We will never be the same person we were before. But....I do hope to be a better person someday. I got so much from loving Pat. I can only hope that having had him in my life did make me a better person and once I survive this and "recover" I hope to be an even better person. For myself and for Pat. 

Francine, I know we didn't know you before but I'm guessing you're turning into an even better person too!

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3 hours ago, KMB said:

There should be a rule for soulmate loss. Be able to go together or in a very, very short time of one another. This unwanted separation of 2 halves of one heart and soul is horrendous.

So true.  I'm trying to make it through this first year - I can't even fathom 5 or 10 years down the road without him.  I don't think I have a heart anymore (I'm like the Tin-man in the Wizard of Oz)  When Charles left this world, my world froze in time, broken and shattered into a million pieces and while I didn't want to accept it, I knew it was real; he took my heart with him.  When I think of him never coming home again, I sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind but then I remember, it's only temporary.  I realize it doesn't mean the end of my connection with him is over, he is still very much with me; just in a different form, energy, spirit.  Love is never ending and the love Charles and I shared is always and forever. 

On a different note,  love your profile picture of you and Ed; you guys looked happy!

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4 minutes ago, HHFaith said:

Francine, I know we didn't know you before but I'm guessing you're turning into an even better person too!

Thanks, that was sweet of you to say and I appreciate you for saying it.  Charles brought out the *better* me and now that he's gone, so is that better person.  You can imagine being with one man for your entire life (married just short of 45 years) never stop loving him and wanted only the best for him even if that meant putting yourself on the back burner. His life was my life and I know he would not want me to continue in the state I'm currently in, but I can't help how I feel.   Right now - not good.  :( 

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Now it's time to move to the front burner!  Take good care of yourself Francine. (And I need to take my own advice!!)

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On 11/07/2017 at 5:52 AM, Djh0901kc said:

I would never tell anyone how or what to believe in. All I know is that for me, I don't think there is anything else after this. I haven't felt like my wife is with me at all since she passed. I feel completely and utterly alone. I would give anything, ANYTHING, to see some sign or something that she still exists somewhere and is waiting for me. 

Same here. I would love for Tim to be here, but I can't feel him. I can't hear him. Definitely can't smell him... and what good would it do me if I could? I can't have him. Yes I love everything about him. But it wasn't some esoteric higher love. Well it was, but it was the physical and real side of it too.. and I can never have that again. Because his body doesn't exist.

And like you, I take no consolation from those around me. Although I know they are all missing him and they loved him and they feel his loss too. But they haven't done this. They get to go home and cry in the arms of their lover. I can never do that again. Of course life will never have the same joy for me- how could it?

All the 'good' things to come will never replace him and there will always be that ache that Tim and I were supposed to do this together.

He will always be my soulmate. But if he is nowhere, me going would just mean I am nowhere too, and my son will be alone. We both loved what we had - we already had our heaven, right here.

All that being said, I would be delighted to be wrong.I would love to find him there, waiting for me when our boyo is ready to not have either of us.

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You're all right, I ditto everything you say!  I never thought about whether this made me a better person or not, but different like Francine said. Enriched perhaps because of it, I mean I've learned a lot and developed a lot of compassion for others going through this.  (How can you, after all, have compassion about something you never experienced and don't get?)

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16 hours ago, HHFaith said:

Now it's time to move to the front burner!  Take good care of yourself Francine. (And I need to take my own advice!!)

You're probably right, but they all burn; the only difference was Charles was always there to to make sure my fires didn't get too high (no matter what they were).  I knew he wouldn't let those fires consume me; but now my fires seems out of control and my soul burns without him.  You're right, we need to take care of ourselves because Charles and Pat would have wanted us to.  Thanks again HHFaith and may God bless you.  You know you're in my prayers.  HUGS to you.

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2 hours ago, Francine said:

You're probably right, but they all burn; the only difference was Charles was always there to to make sure my fires didn't get too high (no matter what they were).  I knew he wouldn't let those fires consume me; but now my fires seems out of control and my soul burns without him.  You're right, we need to take care of ourselves because Charles and Pat would have wanted us to. 

That's one of the things I miss about Lori. She kept me in check and was a great balance for our marriage yoke. She truly made me a better man and I'll always be grateful to her for that. 

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Nothing is getting better. I'll look at pictures of us from a few days before she died and can't understand how my life has fallen apart so quickly. I keep thinking maybe she will be back somehow and realize how foolish that is. I don't want this to be real. It can't be real. I need her to be here to tell me it's going to be alright

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Djh0901kc,  We just want to wake up from the nightmare. We don't want this to be real, but we know it is. I can see the struggle and pain in your words .I don't know myself if things get "better", but the intensity of the pain does not stay the same. It tapers off, over time, to a dull throbbing and we learn to adapt in coexisting with it. You are only a month into this unwanted, different life, and you will experience many, many, waves of grief. After awhile, the waves won't crash into you quite so often. We learn to ride them out. We know what to expect when we feel them coming and we learn coping skills we each find the hard way, in dealing with those waves. Almost a year later, I still find it hard to look at pictures. So many memories surrounding a photo. How can a person who meant the world to us, be suddenly, permanently gone? Take care of yourself, one day at a time. I know how hard this is.

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Hi Djh0901kc,

I read your recent posts but I am hoping you are feeling better tonight.  I know we can all relate because we all lost someone special.  

I lost my wife exactly 3 weeks ago.  We're both 39.  I'm still in shock.  Like you, I'd give anything to be with my wife again and I miss her dearly.  All i do is think about her.  It's really sad and I wished this is all a dream.

If you want to talk or exchange texts I can be here to support you.  I'm grateful with all of the members here.  I come here at night, read random posts, and it helps me to know that I am not alone and grieving is part of life, whether we like it or not.

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Mario left almost 2 months ago and I'm still wishing he will came back, I dont know how, but a part of me is hoping this bad moment "to end" but I keep telling to myself to focus in reality, thinking that "they'll come back" is not helpful, it give us the fake illusion of "relieve" or "consolation" but I try to keep my mind in reality even knowing reality is an awful place to live without Mario.

Some nights are worst than other, and the worst ones hit me with the feeling of hopelessness, nothings helps, I just fall into this black whole who is hurting so much but leaves me alive to go through every day carrying all this sadness, friend, it wont get easier, it will never be easy.

Cry, scream and hit the wall if you need to

We are here for you 

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19 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

Nothing is getting better. I'll look at pictures of us from a few days before she died and can't understand how my life has fallen apart so quickly. I keep thinking maybe she will be back somehow and realize how foolish that is. I don't want this to be real. It can't be real. I need her to be here to tell me it's going to be alright

I don't think it gets "better", after all, they'll always still be gone, but we do get better at coping and adjusting eventually.  As it sinks into our subconscious, at least it stops hitting us over and over again, those triggers are really hard to take.  Our love is the one thing that survived this and I believe they are trying to let us know we'll be okay.

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Today is six weeks since my wife passed. I feel like I keep posting the same thing but I still can't accept that she's gone. The day she died we had such a great day and then she was just gone. I'm starting to think that I just wish I was gone too. Either we would be together or at the very least I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. I know everyone says time is what will help but time just makes me further away from her. I've even considered doing things I don't believe in like going to see a medium. I'm just so desperate to talk to her again. I feel true despair for the first time in my life. I just want it to end

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1 hour ago, Djh0901kc said:

The day she died we had such a great day and then she was just gone.

That is how my husband's last day was too. We had a good friend visiting that day. We sat around the table with our coffee and laughing. We went outside for awhile. Our friend left and my husband and I had a normal evening. He must have gotten up during the night for a bathroom visit. I didn't know about it and I found him in the morning. Sudden cardiac arrest. The coroner assured me it was instant, like flipping a switch and nothing could have been done even if I had been with him. I am so grateful he didn't suffer and he went in our home, like he had always wanted.

We all do a lot of repeating in our posts, so don't worry. That is how grieving goes. It is like the movie, Groundhog Day, over and over again, for a long time, until we process things more and start adapting to our new reality.

If you feel that talking to a medium would help you, do some research first. Make sure the person is a medium. Not all psychics are mediums. I will admit I have had a couple of medium readings. A true medium will not require any info except a name, for connecting, and validations should come through as proof for you.

Take care of yourself. This is the toughest journey of our lives.

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We can look for help if we need to and no one can judge you, when Mario passed away I went to talk with a psychic, he is a friend and the told me a lot of things that gave me a little bit of peace, no one wants to hear that your love one just "left" that he didn't hesitate about leaving this world, it was painful because I'd like to think he fought to stay here with me, but he just left me, and it hurts of course, but also I needed to understand that maybe it was the "right time".... It all depends in what you want to believe, do what feels good for you.

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I've always thought that psychics and mediums were nonsense and I still kind of do. I just miss her so badly I want someone to lie to me if that makes sense. Just to feel better for a minute or two.

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You might want to try reading up on the afterlife and mediums. There are 2 good books I have read. "Never Letting Go" and Evidence of Eternity", both by Mark Anthony. "Evidence of Eternity" was a clincher for me.

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6 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

I've always thought that psychics and mediums were nonsense and I still kind of do. I just miss her so badly I want someone to lie to me if that makes sense. Just to feel better for a minute or two.

I will go see one too after my shock wears off.  I've been reading books about the spiritual side of things.  I was never a believer before this tragedy, but after reading some books, researching online, and seeing legitimate reviews, I'm thinking that it might just be possible.

besides, it's the last piece of hope I have if I want to connect with my wife again, that is at least during this lifetime.

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Hope, answers, we need to find something to hold on to, to make this "weight" lighter, and we need to believe there is something. Souls are real, and maybe some people have this "ability" to understand beyond the human dimension.

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4 hours ago, Ka9219 said:

Souls are real, and maybe some people have this "ability" to understand beyond the human dimension.

We all have the ability ourselves. Our soul's true home is the afterlife, Heaven, if you will. We originated there but our memories of our life in the afterlife are erased when we are born here, so that we can experience the "human" life and learn lessons for our souls growth and eventual eternity in Heaven. We can relearn our abilities, so we can communicate with our loved ones who have already crossed back over to our true home. A lot of researching, learning and practicing is needed. There is so much of the spiritual awakening going on in the world today, due to the openness of more media. Mediums have more access in letting their gift of insight becoming more well known. Scientists are also discovering that there is more evidence out there, there is more than this planet of existence. Some of us have experienced "signs" and dream visitations of our loved ones. They want to let us know they are OK and still loving and watching over us.

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I haven't think it that way, but now that say it, it is pretty logic to think we all the ability but we need to let ourselves believe we can communicate. I think meditation and faith is key, believe there is something more, a trust our feelings.

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Today is 7 weeks since my wife passed. She actually died slightly after midnight so it's technically tomorrow but since Friday was our last day together so I consider it today. I notice I keep posting on the anniversary of it. That's not deliberate. I guess it's just when I'm feeling lowest. Today was rough. My wife always cut my hair so I had been trying to go as long as possible before I had to get a haircut but I finally had to get it done. It's been hot where I am and today was a cool day in the 50s. Very autumn type day. Such a silly thing but as soon as I went outside and felt the air I broke down in tears. Autumn was our favorite season. We loved to go to orchards and pumpkin patches and harvest festivals when fall rolled around. We both are Halloween nuts and started decorating as soon as October hit. We watched a scary movie every night of the month and took turns picking them out. I realized today how much worse things are still going to get. I'm so lost. 

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On 7/30/2017 at 2:47 AM, Ka9219 said:

Hope, answers, we need to find something to hold on to, to make this "weight" lighter, and we need to believe there is something. Souls are real, and maybe some people have this "ability" to understand beyond the human dimension.

My "hope" is in my faith, my beliefs.  I realize not everyone shares this hope, and I honestly don't know how people make it without that, but there was someone on here that posted a site for those who don't share the same beliefs, and it seemed to bring comfort to them.  I just know that for me, the hope I have of us being together one day is what keeps me going.  I'm sure heaven is a peaceful place and there is much in store for us that I can't imagine, but it seems the two greatest things I look forward to is being with God and my George!

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17 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

Today is 7 weeks since my wife passed. She actually died slightly after midnight so it's technically tomorrow but since Friday was our last day together so I consider it today. I notice I keep posting on the anniversary of it. That's not deliberate. I guess it's just when I'm feeling lowest. Today was rough. My wife always cut my hair so I had been trying to go as long as possible before I had to get a haircut but I finally had to get it done. It's been hot where I am and today was a cool day in the 50s. Very autumn type day. Such a silly thing but as soon as I went outside and felt the air I broke down in tears. Autumn was our favorite season. We loved to go to orchards and pumpkin patches and harvest festivals when fall rolled around. We both are Halloween nuts and started decorating as soon as October hit. We watched a scary movie every night of the month and took turns picking them out. I realized today how much worse things are still going to get. I'm so lost. 

It's natural for our thought to be especially consumed when we have a special date or anv of their death, of course we're going to reach out at those times, they're hard to get through.  It's like we're trying to do life without a roadmap, this grief is very difficult to navigate.

Autumn was our favorite season too, the cool crisp air, the changing colors, my birthday, we loved to take drives and go for long walks then.  We didn't have the heat of summer or the slippery roads and shoveling snow of winter, it was just a favorite time, and it's when our wedding anniversary was!

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23 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

I realized today how much worse things are still going to get. I'm so lost. 

We are lost, will be for a very long time. It takes quite a while for our minds and hearts to be able to process our traumatic loss. Autumn was a good, special season for my husband and I also. Special dates, events, causes us to feel extremely sad and lonely. Our grieving is just something to endure in whatever way we each need to. My husband's last full day was a Friday. He passed suddenly during that night. Every day is misery, but I have come to wish to delete Fridays through Sundays.

Keep coming here, posting your thoughts and feelings. It is therapeutic, comforting, to get those things out, among those of us who listen and understand you.:wub:

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