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r'ee

My ten year old son

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r'ee   

Four weeks ago, my 10 year old son, Cameron, passed away.  He was born with a rare genetic syndrome that caused his life to be full of hardships, seizures and illness.  He could not walk or talk but he was a gorgeous little soul and was loved by so many.
For four hours after his life support was removed i held him in my arms and sang to him until he passed with my husband(his father) and his aunts and grandparents all by our sides.  

I have two younger children 8 and 4 years old.  

Although we were aware that Cameron would not have a long life, before he passed he had been really healthy and well for 12 months.  So we were all taken by surprise at how quickly he became unwell and put on life support.

I am so broken.  Everything is so different.  I feel so lonely and lost.  What was a life full of looking after his medical and daily needs...(he was 100% dependant on me and his respite carers for everything)....is now just me trying to get by day by day aching, trying to be ok for the other kids but just wanting to be in bed crying.  I miss him so much.  I just want him back in my arms.  

r'ee (pronounced "Ray")
This photo was taken a week before he passed. 

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Ray, my heart ached as I read your post. What a fine looking young man your Cameron was. We understand your heartache and sense of loss only too well! Clearly you were a wonderful and loving mother. The one bond that will never die even after death is the tie that binds you both together in your love for each other. Have no doubt that Cameron felt your love in your gentle and loving touches. I know that this loss is still very new and your pain is raw. It will take quite some time to adjust to your life without him in it. Clearly he was at the forefront of your daily routines. l am sending love and  please come to the Loss of Child forum. You will be welcomed by everyone that is walking the same road. 

Kate

 

 

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r'ee what an adorable photo of your little boy, what a sweet face he has. It must be tremendously hard for you because you devoted all your time and love to Cameron to care for his needs and now there is a huge hole in your life. i am so sorry for your loss. Your other children are still very young and grieving too and it is especially difficult to try and give them all the love and reassurance they need whilst trying to cope with your own grief. We all know that empty arms feeling it is so painful and wanting our child back it seems hard to survive without them. I am glad you found this site most of us post on the thread Loss of an adult child because it keeps us all in one place and you get responses much more quickly. It is for anyone who has lost a child no matter what age because we all know the painful grief journey only too well and can offer a listening ear and support. Please join us there and share your story talking really helps and your words offer encouragement to others. helping others is a positive step towards recovering from loss.

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Mike P   

Ray, we are here for you! I'm so sorry about your heartache and loss!  Thank you for letting us see the photo. I also had a son, named Cameron, who died when he was 2 1/2 years old in 1992 in an accident in the home. I'm not a BIG advocate for bolting dressers and bookcases to the walls in the home!

You are right. This is a lost and lonely time full of heartache, agony, and loss. It will take time to get to the other side of this, but a few immediate things will help. 1. Time 2. Tears 3. Get it out of you.

Time: This is going to take time to get through all this. Give yourself plenty. Also, don't let anyone put their timetable on you as to how you should be healing, grieving, and feeling by such-and-such time. They don't have the faintest idea of what you are going through unless they have been through it themselves. They have no idea of the depth and intensity of your grief. There is simply no reference point for them.

Tears: Please take time to cry. Be a little careful about being strong for the kids as you don't want to make them feel like you don't miss Cameron or you don't care. If you cry and your kids see it, just tell them that you miss Cameron a great deal and sometimes you cry. Tell them it's okay if they cry too. One of the things that I found out is if you stifle your feelings, they never go away, and can come back in much uglier ways. Give yourself time and permission to weep all you need to.

Get it out: Find people you  can talk to who will not judge you. If possible, find people who have been through the death of a child. Talk it out. Find support groups you feel comfortable with, either online or in person. Find supportive friends who will be there for  you no matter what. Write a journal and "dump it out." Write everything you are feeling, thinking, doing, angry at, EVERYTHING. The main thing is to get all that sorrow and stress out and express it some way. Also get your anger (when it comes) out in a way that doesn't hurt anyone. Scream in your pillow, throw ice cubes on the patio, whatever.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. We are here for you, and we don't criticize or judge. You can say anything here and it is all right. We have been through the same thing you are going through, so we have a pretty good idea of what you are dealing with. Our hearts and prayers go out to you!

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