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Olgaflor   

My father passed away on May 03, 2017.  He fought prostate cancer for few years and when he died something in me died with him. I think of him all the time and don't know how to get out of my depression.  My superman should still be here with me. 

I am also feeling mad at God for the pain and my mother's pain. My mother re-lives his death everyday due to Alzheimer's.  My parents didn't deserve such pain.  

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Dear Olgaflor,

My deepest sympathies and condolences on the passing of your beloved father. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the pain and sorrow is unbearable right now. Please know you are not alone. We are here to listen.  All your thoughts and feelings are normal and natural so soon after this devastating loss. It will take a long time for our minds to understand. Try to be kind and gentle with yourself. And just live moment by moment for now. Thinking of you and your family during this very sad time. With love and hugs.

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Olgaflor   
On 6/7/2017 at 0:00 AM, reader said:

Dear Olgaflor,

My deepest sympathies and condolences on the passing of your beloved father. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the pain and sorrow is unbearable right now. Please know you are not alone. We are here to listen.  All your thoughts and feelings are normal and natural so soon after this devastating loss. It will take a long time for our minds to understand. Try to be kind and gentle with yourself. And just live moment by moment for now. Thinking of you and your family during this very sad time. With love and hugs.

 

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Olgaflor   

Thank you. Today, will his 41st day since he left this world. I try to live day by day without my hero but time is starting to feel worse. Maybe bc it has been the most time of my life (46 years) without hearing his voice. I am still waiting for him to visit in my dreams or drive up to my house.  In crowded places I look for his face like if I might see him in a different body. I just miss him so much and want him back. Thank you for listening to me vent my pain.

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I'm so sorry my friend. I know its not easy. I so desperately want my dad back too. Please continue to share your thoughts and feelings with us. We will be here for you. Sending you love and hugs.

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Olgaflor   

Today, I decided to visit my father's plot and I just couldn't control my tears. I found myself acting like a crazy person. I was yelling at my father asking him to get up from the ground and come home. I feel so much pain. 

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Sending you love and hugs Olgaflor. I know its hard. The pain and sorrow is still very raw. Please know you are not alone. Its okay to let your emotions out. Everything you are feeling and thinking is normal and natural. Thinking of you.

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Olgaflor   

I just want to feel normal again. I find myself in a "  thinking zone" and zone the world out. I look at some of my family members and they appear to smile again. I am so stuck and i have stopped living when my superhero died. 

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Its normal to feel this way soon after losing your superhero. I know. Me, too. I want to feel normal too but the truth is it will take a long time for us to find a new normal. Its not the one we want. And its not the one any us understand. Let yourself be stuck right now. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Give yourself more time and don't be afraid to reach out if you want to talk or look for other supports. Always remember people care and want to help. We are here for you.

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Dear @Olgaflor deepest condolences on your loss.. I can't even imagine your pain.. I lost my sweetest mum in October and there's not one breath that I take and not think about her, she just went suddenly, no goodbyes no nothings.. my father wasn't even there when we went to hospital.. from a happiest family we entered hell.. for months guilt kills me everyday, the fact that I didn't do anything for her, didn't tell her enough how much I appreciated her and loved her.. kills me, she was in good health but our world changed within 6-7 days, an innocent fever turned to kidney failure and then all organs went shutting down.. I feel like I disappointed her, didn't spend much time with her.. the irony is, I was always a daddy's girl and always sided with him, today I feel pathetic! Really awful.. almost hate myself and relive a nightmare every single day. I always thought my dad is my idol but the worst realisation is that actually my mum was the real hero, the superstar! I never told her this and never realised when she was alive, I almost ignored her.. I loved her like crazy but perhaps in different ways.. 

today, the only family we have is dad and younger sibling, that's about it! I panic everyday about my dad, sometimes I am

aloof because I feel he will do what mum did to us, I can't bear the thought, I am with you in you grief and pain. The pain will never go away only it's sting will.. with time, try to do the things that would have made him happy and proud.

 

sending you love, support and just try to keep the sanity, it's very Difficult but it's normal, it's the love that is giving us pain.

take care Everyone is very kind and non judgemental on this forum xxx

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Olgaflor   

I started to attend a support group and understand the stages of grieve but I still miss my father so much. I just can't accept that I will never see him and hear his voice.  I miss him so much. 

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Dear Olgaflor,

I'm so sorry, I know it hurts a lot.  I'm glad you have the support group to lean on.

I think these thoughts and feelings can last years. One counsellor said to me it could take you up to 5 years to come to terms with it. And for some even longer. We are all so different. Moment by moment for now.

Thinking of you.

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@Olgaflor I know what you mean. The idea that I'll never talk to my mom in this lifetime is the hardest thing for me to overcome. When my mom was still alive, three days was the longest period when I didn't hear her voice. I saw her at least once a week unless I'm out of town. I live about 10 miles away from my parents' house. I too will attend a support group next month. I'll include you in my prayers.

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