Aernacor

Our Angel Left Today

5 posts in this topic

My heart is breaking and I really don't know how to cope.  My situation is a little different but still extremely painful.  I am a first-time foster mom.  We had a very sweet little boy for his entire first year of life.  The way he would smile and laugh would just melt your heart.  The best way I could describe him is cheeky.  He is such a fun and amazing little guy.

After having him 4 months it looked like we might be able to adopt him and I was extremely excited!  Then we heard that one of his kin members was planning to take him.  Then we heard that they backed out.  Then we heard there was another plan.  Then that plan fell through.  Then we heard that the first plan was back on the table.  Then that plan was pulled away again.  Then there was a plan that stuck.  Talk about a year of pulling on your heart strings.  Having never been through this process before it was agonizing.  So today, our first foster baby that we thought we would be able to adopt left our home permanently.

I pass the empty room and I can't help crying.  I am trying to keep it together but that's much easier said than done.  We have a second foster baby who is a few months younger so I try to focus on him.  The reality is this is what we signed up for.  We knew that foster children come and go.  The hard part is that it looked like we might be able to adopt him and we set our hearts on being his permanent family and that all just got washed away.  It felt like he was ours and got stolen away.  He will forever be in our hearts and part of our family.

What did you find helped most with the loss or was there anything that helped at all?  How long does it take to feel human again?

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Dear Aernacor,

You are an amazing mother, so loving and giving. This little boy was so fortunate to have your care and love. I know it hurts. And I think it takes some time to come to terms with any change or loss. Its a daily struggle sometimes. Keep writing and talking and surrounding yourself with loving friends and family. Some have suggested a memory box to me. There is no right way or wrong way to grieve. We all take different paths to joy again.

Is there anyway you can still visit him? Or get updates on him? Everyone says grief is the price we pay for love. And sometimes I feel the price is too deep. There will be tears for a long time. It takes the mind and body a long time to deal with the shock.

Please know you are not alone. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.

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Aernacor I am so sorry for your loss. It is still a type of bereavement because you are grieving not having that lovely little boy as a permanent family member as you had hoped. What a wonderful giving family you are to take in foster children who have probably not had a lot of love in their lives and make them feel safe and loved. Even though you always know these precious children are "borrowed" you invest a lot of yourself in them to keep them happy. bless you

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Thank-you both for your kind words, thoughts and prayer.  It means a lot and it definitely helps to not feel alone.  The pain really is unbearable at times.  I keep swinging back and forth from being fine to losing it completely.  I miss him so much.  We will hopefully get to visit him eventually but that doesn't feel like a silver lining yet.  All I can feel right now is the loss.  I pray they've done what's best for him.

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Aernacor it is so painful to lose a child and the loss never goes away it just lessens over time as we learn to deal with the new reality but it is so hard. I hope you get to see him and that your heart finds some peace. Fostering is a wonderful gift to give to needy children and the positive impact you can make on so many little lives so dont give it up ok?

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