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Eagle-96

Six Weeks Out

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KMB   

Sue, I admire and have so much respect for you, in being able to love Dave and face your fear of also possibly losing him down the road. It shows your grace, integrity and your own inner strength. Scott certainly knew what he was doing in sending Dave to you.

For myself, I do not have that inner strength for another relationship. I do not think that I could give my already fragile heart to someone else and lose them too. I have been so close to the edge. many, many, times, with losing my husband. He really is the only man I will ever need and want. 

Everyone here is different and we all have to do the rest of our life, our way.  I am happy for you, Sue. I sincerely pray that Dave will stay on the right track with his health, with your love and support. I wish you all the best for a long, healthy, loving life with him. You so deserve it and so does Dave.

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Sue P 67   
On 9/11/2017 at 9:12 AM, Eagle-96 said:

Sue,

It saddens me that the fear for his heart issues is front of mind for you. It wont be easy but just try to focus on the present. Focus on what you have with him and live in the moment. I'm not gonna lie, it wont be easy to get past your fears. It seems like fear has become a companion to many of us here. It was always in the back of Lori and my minds as we knew her family history but we did the best we could to live for now and do what we could to fight against what eventually took her. I pray that you find strength and that you hold on to the happiness that has come into your life.

Sean,

I wouldn't say it is in the front but it is definitely there.  He knows my fear.  He is happy now and in love and now he fears it as well.  We are making changes together to both become healthier.  We booked a cruise for March so that is a great motivator :)

I agree...fear is a very common emotion for so many of us here.  I never lived in fear, I was care free and lived everyday as it came.  I find myself now thinking so differently but in many good ways.  I don't take each day for granted.  I thank God every morning when my eyes open for another day.  I am grateful for so much of the little things I never appreciated before.  This forum being one.  I don't get on every day or even every week but many times I hear a song, drive by a restaurant or a date that meant something to Scott and I...and I jump on here for comfort.  

I'm giving happiness all of my energy...for myself, for my children and for Scott and of course for Dave.   I have had bumps in the road recently with ex husband issues but I've realized those are just little pebbles on the path...I've overcome boulders so these pebbles are just that...tiny little things in a great big world.

I hope you are well and you are learning how to navigate this new life without Lori.  It isn't easy but it is necessary and someday hopefully you will smile again.  I will tell you...the smile is never the same as before (at least in my experience) but it's a smile nonetheless.

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Sue P 67   
On 9/11/2017 at 0:52 PM, KayC said:

I agree with Sean, live in the present and try not to worry about the future, we can't predict it anyway.  Help him do his best with his health from here on out, that's all you or he can do.  Maybe the two of you can share some physical activity that would help him along these lines.  George was perfect weight and in great shape but his heart had its genetics I'm afraid.  We used to walk and hike together and I always cooked healthy.  He had Diabetes so I didn't allow sugar in the house, satisfied his sweet tooth with fruit substitutes for fat and sugar, like baking with applesauce.  Who knows, maybe the healthy choices we made together helped us have our short few years together.

Thank you Kay.  We are working towards making healthy changes.  I am sure you had George longer because of your healthy choices.

Scott's brother told me at the funeral home that he knew he got to spend Scott's last week with him because of me.  He is sure Scott being so happy those last months extended his life.  He had a reason to fight where before he was lonely and unhappy.  I hold onto that thought.  I know he didn't want to leave when he did.  When I walked out of his hospital room that night before he went into a coma the look on his face was pure love...and fear.  Looking back I know he knew it was the last time he would "see" me.  I am grateful for every day we had.  I still miss him like crazy and I talk to him often.  I still wear his ashes around my neck and touch the heart everytime I think of him...kiss it when our song comes on the radio....he is with me as I know George is with you.  

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Sue P 67   
On 9/12/2017 at 6:27 PM, KMB said:

Sue, I admire and have so much respect for you, in being able to love Dave and face your fear of also possibly losing him down the road. It shows your grace, integrity and your own inner strength. Scott certainly knew what he was doing in sending Dave to you.

For myself, I do not have that inner strength for another relationship. I do not think that I could give my already fragile heart to someone else and lose them too. I have been so close to the edge. many, many, times, with losing my husband. He really is the only man I will ever need and want. 

Everyone here is different and we all have to do the rest of our life, our way.  I am happy for you, Sue. I sincerely pray that Dave will stay on the right track with his health, with your love and support. I wish you all the best for a long, healthy, loving life with him. You so deserve it and so does Dave.

K, I had not choice.  My heart had a mind of its own.  Scott most definitely knew what he is doing by sending Dave because Dave is exactly who and what I needed.  

Believe me, my heart is still so very fragile and the fear of having it broken into more pieces than it already in does bring that fear to the surface but something inside of me tells me it's ok. 

I hope for the same long healthy life together.  I had about 10 years of that with my ex husband when we were in our 20's but life turned and our relationship turned and after 28 years we went our separate ways.  I loved Scott.  I was happy with Scott.  However, his illness never gave us the "carefree" love of planning a future....that I truly missed with him.  We planned tomorrow, not next week or next month.  With Dave...we are planning years down the road, talking about "our" grandkids when at least 1 of our 6 combined children give us one (they all say they don't want kids!) :)    

Thank you Kay, I didn't believe deserved all of this happiness but am starting to learn I do.  Dave and I both have been through a lot in our 50 years on this earth....it's our turn for a good life.

Hugs to you. 

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KayC   

In looking back 50 seems so young to me...George died five days after he turned 51, I was 52 at the time.  I hope you get that long life with Dave and grandkids too!  I only wish I lived closer to mine, I hardly ever get to see them.

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