Eulogy for Keiko

[KeikotheCat]

I first met Keiko sometime in December 2003 and from the very beginning it was clear that she was not like other cats. She was, without a doubt, a lioness trapped in the body of a house cat.

I bought Keiko as a gift for Angelica. Her first cat (Misty) had died and I wanted to make her feel better, so I decided to go out and hunt down a cat that looked like Misty as a replacement. Aaron and I set out to the Human Society and found a cat that looked quite similar to Misty. I was just about to buy her, when the people there caught wind that I was buying the cat as a Christmas present. Apparently buying animals as a gift often results in the animal being returned so they didn't let me adopt that little cat. At the time I was annoyed, but now I know that was a blessing in disguise.

Next, Aaron and I went to Pat's Pets just east of North Albert. There were only three cats left in the open topped cage, and of the three, two of them were standing up on their hind legs, meowing for my attention. Not Keiko.

Keiko was curled up in a ball like a tiny little armadillo or a hedgehog, utterly indifferent to me and the rest of the world. After picking up and petting the other two kittens, my eyes settled on Keiko. The one that didn't want me. Well, I wanted her. I picked her up and she blinked her sleepy eyes somewhat angrily, giving me as mean a glare as a kitten can manage, while I placed her on my shoulder. She dug her little claws in and I was surprised at how sharp they were, but I didn't mind. She felt right propped up there on my shoulder.

I bought Keiko (then unnamed) and brought her back to my house. I don't think I was even able to hold onto her for a full night before Angelica guessed what her early Christmas present was. I guess "soft" and "fluffy" were dead give a ways.

Mom wanted to name her "Christmas" because she was a Christmas present, but Angelica wouldn't have any of that. Keiko was a special cat and deserved a special name and it was several days before Angelica finally settled on Keiko. No, she wasn't named after the soy sauce.

From then on Angelica and Keiko were inseparable. Angelica claimed that Keiko didn't like to be alone, and Keiko did cry when we locked her up in Angelica's office when she was still a kitten, but I think it more likely that Angelica didn't like to be away from Keiko.

Angelica even bought a little kennel or cat carrier and would drag the poor cat over to my house whenever she'd sleep there, no matter how awful the weather outside. Even as a young cat Keiko didn't like to be manhandled and I'd have to strap on a thick winter parka and mittens in order to wrangle her into her carrier when Angelica was ready to go home.

It wasn't until my mother, brother, and I "cat sat" Keiko while Angelica moved from Coronation to Victoria Avenue that Keiko's aggressive streak truly came out. For whatever reason we thought it would be a good idea to bring her to my little brother's birthday party at the Travelodge. It wasn't. The poor cat was terrified of all the loud kids and mom's boyfriend at the time, Mohammed, was particularly rough with her. I remember him grabbing Keiko by the nape of her neck to pick her up and manhandling her in a way that no one should have to suffer through. I don't know if that was the catalyst for Keiko's anti-social behaviour, but from then on she never was quite the same.

Some of my fondest memories of Keiko are a bit of a mixed bag. But now looking back, even the "bad times" don't seem so bad and I wish I could relive just a few of them one more time. I can vividly remember finding a Keiko turd on top of my book, "The Crystal Shard" by RA Salvatore one of the first nights we had her. I also remember Keiko sitting on the windowsill over my computer hissing all day and night when Angelica was either out of town or moving. I can't remember which.

 It was so frustrating having to deal with Keiko when Angelica and I first moved in together. She'd constantly hiss and growl at me and I truthfully would have been happy if she stayed locked up in Angelica's office forever. We had some intense stare down's in the stairway back on Victoria avenue and her aggression towards me never did completely let up. No matter how many times we sprayed her with water, chased her with pillows, or shook boxes of coins at her, nothing would make her back down. Even drugs like Atavan, Prozac, and Valium only had a slight calming effect on her. Keiko made sure that I and anyone else who came near her knew that this was her house too and that she had to be respected. Despite all this, I loved her still.

Keiko was very rarely what one would consider classically affectionate with me, which made all the times she was kind and loving mean so much more. I desperately miss the feel of her whiskers and wet little nose as she'd eat cookies from my toes, belly button, and even my face back on Victoria Avenue. I miss waking up to the feel of her paws swatting at my uncovered feet. I miss seeing her on her "tough chair" back on Coronation and I love that she found another one here on Edward.

In recent years her affection changed. For whatever reason she would be the most loving and sweet in the mornings (I think it's because she got lonely while everyone else was asleep) and would come for Papa PeePee Cuddle Time (PPCT) or Family Time while Angelica and I were in bed. Keiko would lay on my butt or my chest, sometimes when I was awake and sometimes when I was asleep, and that was as close as I ever got to cuddling with her. If I was really, really lucky, she'd even deign to make some biscuits on me. But most days family time consisted of her walking in circles over and over while she got loving pets from Angelica and I.

Usually our affection towards each other was much more reserved than during PPCT. If I wanted to pet her, I'd have to come in from below her face with a finger or two and gently stroke her cheek and chin. Almost always I'd "push my luck" and pet her a little too much, or in a way that she didn't like, and I'd receive three quick strikes from her left paw as a result (always three strikes and always her left paw). She didn't use her claws, it was more of a warning then her trying to hurt me. Angelica said she was just petting me back. I can't decide what I miss more, the feel of her little face or the sound her paw would make when it hit me.

I also miss seeing her leap into my bookshelf to watch me play on my computer, or sometimes she'd do it right before bed and then I'd be forced to give her cookies to lure her out. I miss seeing her curled up on my computer chair, even though she knew that she wasn't allowed to sleep there. I miss the squawk of indignation she'd make those few times I'd pick her up when she wasn't looking. It was easiest to do this when she was distracted by hunger.

I think that the things that I'm going to miss most are seeing her green eyes shining out at me from under the dining room table while she watched me cook or while I sat in my office writing. Even though she couldn't see me at my desk, I knew she was watching my doorway. She liked to keep her eyes on "her Par".

Lastly, I'm going to miss how whenever I'd come home after a night shift I'd call out to her, and of course, she would never answer back. At least she wouldn't until I entered the kitchen. Then, Keiko would start meowing at me in a way that sounded more like a desperate shriek as she clamoured for treats. This would go on until I went to her "cookie spot" and left pile of cookies there for her to eat. We had a similar routine when I'd get up to go on day shift, but for whatever reason she was usually more quiet and dignified when asking for cookies then.

Keiko was a cat who took an uncompromising view on life. Ultimately, it was this very attribute that forced us to put her to sleep on April 15th, 2017 at around 12:00pm. She was too stubborn, too sure of herself, and wouldn't change for anyone or anything, even to her own detriment.

Keiko loved her mother fiercely, and I know that Angelica feels exactly the same way. Their love was as true and pure as any love in the world. They were family, and together they made up Keiko's Pride (she was a lioness after all). Even though I usually only got to watch their love from afar, I like to think that I was a part of her Pride as well. I like to think that she loved me and accepted me as much as she could anyone who wasn't her mother, and I feel supremely fortunate for that.

I love you Keiko and I miss you, and I hope that wherever you are you can forgive me for having to cut your life short.

Your Par

[KayC]

Didn't quote properly

[KayC]

16 hours ago, KeikotheCat said:

I first met Keiko sometime in December 2003 and from the very beginning it was clear that she was not like other cats. She was, without a doubt, a lioness trapped in the body of a house cat.

 

I bought Keiko as a gift for Angelica. Her first cat (Misty) had died and I wanted to make her feel better, so I decided to go out and hunt down a cat that looked like Misty as a replacement. Aaron and I set out to the Human Society and found a cat that looked quite similar to Misty. I was just about to buy her, when the people there caught wind that I was buying the cat as a Christmas present. Apparently buying animals as a gift often results in the animal being returned so they didn't let me adopt that little cat. At the time I was annoyed, but now I know that was a blessing in disguise.

 

Next, Aaron and I went to Pat's Pets just east of North Albert. There were only three cats left in the open topped cage, and of the three, two of them were standing up on their hind legs, meowing for my attention. Not Keiko.

 

Keiko was curled up in a ball like a tiny little armadillo or a hedgehog, utterly indifferent to me and the rest of the world. After picking up and petting the other two kittens, my eyes settled on Keiko. The one that didn't want me. Well, I wanted her. I picked her up and she blinked her sleepy eyes somewhat angrily, giving me as mean a glare as a kitten can manage, while I placed her on my shoulder. She dug her little claws in and I was surprised at how sharp they were, but I didn't mind. She felt right propped up there on my shoulder.

 

I bought Keiko (then unnamed) and brought her back to my house. I don't think I was even able to hold onto her for a full night before Angelica guessed what her early Christmas present was. I guess "soft" and "fluffy" were dead give a ways.

 

Mom wanted to name her "Christmas" because she was a Christmas present, but Angelica wouldn't have any of that. Keiko was a special cat and deserved a special name and it was several days before Angelica finally settled on Keiko. No, she wasn't named after the soy sauce.

 

From then on Angelica and Keiko were inseparable. Angelica claimed that Keiko didn't like to be alone, and Keiko did cry when we locked her up in Angelica's office when she was still a kitten, but I think it more likely that Angelica didn't like to be away from Keiko.

 

Angelica even bought a little kennel or cat carrier and would drag the poor cat over to my house whenever she'd sleep there, no matter how awful the weather outside. Even as a young cat Keiko didn't like to be manhandled and I'd have to strap on a thick winter parka and mittens in order to wrangle her into her carrier when Angelica was ready to go home.

 

It wasn't until my mother, brother, and I "cat sat" Keiko while Angelica moved from Coronation to Victoria Avenue that Keiko's aggressive streak truly came out. For whatever reason we thought it would be a good idea to bring her to my little brother's birthday party at the Travelodge. It wasn't. The poor cat was terrified of all the loud kids and mom's boyfriend at the time, Mohammed, was particularly rough with her. I remember him grabbing Keiko by the nape of her neck to pick her up and manhandling her in a way that no one should have to suffer through. I don't know if that was the catalyst for Keiko's anti-social behaviour, but from then on she never was quite the same.

 

Some of my fondest memories of Keiko are a bit of a mixed bag. But now looking back, even the "bad times" don't seem so bad and I wish I could relive just a few of them one more time. I can vividly remember finding a Keiko turd on top of my book, "The Crystal Shard" by RA Salvatore one of the first nights we had her. I also remember Keiko sitting on the windowsill over my computer hissing all day and night when Angelica was either out of town or moving. I can't remember which.

 

 It was so frustrating having to deal with Keiko when Angelica and I first moved in together. She'd constantly hiss and growl at me and I truthfully would have been happy if she stayed locked up in Angelica's office forever. We had some intense stare down's in the stairway back on Victoria avenue and her aggression towards me never did completely let up. No matter how many times we sprayed her with water, chased her with pillows, or shook boxes of coins at her, nothing would make her back down. Even drugs like Atavan, Prozac, and Valium only had a slight calming effect on her. Keiko made sure that I and anyone else who came near her knew that this was her house too and that she had to be respected. Despite all this, I loved her still.

 

Keiko was very rarely what one would consider classically affectionate with me, which made all the times she was kind and loving mean so much more. I desperately miss the feel of her whiskers and wet little nose as she'd eat cookies from my toes, belly button, and even my face back on Victoria Avenue. I miss waking up to the feel of her paws swatting at my uncovered feet. I miss seeing her on her "tough chair" back on Coronation and I love that she found another one here on Edward.

 

In recent years her affection changed. For whatever reason she would be the most loving and sweet in the mornings (I think it's because she got lonely while everyone else was asleep) and would come for Papa PeePee Cuddle Time (PPCT) or Family Time while Angelica and I were in bed. Keiko would lay on my butt or my chest, sometimes when I was awake and sometimes when I was asleep, and that was as close as I ever got to cuddling with her. If I was really, really lucky, she'd even deign to make some biscuits on me. But most days family time consisted of her walking in circles over and over while she got loving pets from Angelica and I.

 

Usually our affection towards each other was much more reserved than during PPCT. If I wanted to pet her, I'd have to come in from below her face with a finger or two and gently stroke her cheek and chin. Almost always I'd "push my luck" and pet her a little too much, or in a way that she didn't like, and I'd receive three quick strikes from her left paw as a result (always three strikes and always her left paw). She didn't use her claws, it was more of a warning then her trying to hurt me. Angelica said she was just petting me back. I can't decide what I miss more, the feel of her little face or the sound her paw would make when it hit me.

 

I also miss seeing her leap into my bookshelf to watch me play on my computer, or sometimes she'd do it right before bed and then I'd be forced to give her cookies to lure her out. I miss seeing her curled up on my computer chair, even though she knew that she wasn't allowed to sleep there. I miss the squawk of indignation she'd make those few times I'd pick her up when she wasn't looking. It was easiest to do this when she was distracted by hunger.

 

I think that the things that I'm going to miss most are seeing her green eyes shining out at me from under the dining room table while she watched me cook or while I sat in my office writing. Even though she couldn't see me at my desk, I knew she was watching my doorway. She liked to keep her eyes on "her Par".

 

Lastly, I'm going to miss how whenever I'd come home after a night shift I'd call out to her, and of course, she would never answer back. At least she wouldn't until I entered the kitchen. Then, Keiko would start meowing at me in a way that sounded more like a desperate shriek as she clamoured for treats. This would go on until I went to her "cookie spot" and left pile of cookies there for her to eat. We had a similar routine when I'd get up to go on day shift, but for whatever reason she was usually more quiet and dignified when asking for cookies then.

 

Keiko was a cat who took an uncompromising view on life. Ultimately, it was this very attribute that forced us to put her to sleep on April 15th, 2017 at around 12:00pm. She was too stubborn, too sure of herself, and wouldn't change for anyone or anything, even to her own detriment.

 

Keiko loved her mother fiercely, and I know that Angelica feels exactly the same way. Their love was as true and pure as any love in the world. They were family, and together they made up Keiko's Pride (she was a lioness after all). Even though I usually only got to watch their love from afar, I like to think that I was a part of her Pride as well. I like to think that she loved me and accepted me as much as she could anyone who wasn't her mother, and I feel supremely fortunate for that.

 

I love you Keiko and I miss you, and I hope that wherever you are you can forgive me for having to cut your life short.

 

Your Par

 

 

 

You gave human drugs to a cat?  PLEASE consult with a vet before doing that!  They don't interact with them the same as humans, plus you need to know the correct dosage.

I wouldn't take a cat somewhere where kids could maul her either.  This must have been traumatizing!  It's so important to get behind HER eyes and see things from HER point of view! 

I highly recommend watching Jackson's program, "My Cat from Hell".  He is an expert in cat behavior.  Most of the time their "odd" behavior can be traced to something medical (which you need to get checked out by a vet) or HUMANS not understanding them and not dealing with them properly.  Once he corrects the handlers and environment, the cat's "odd behavior" is taken care of. 

I'm sorry you lost your cat.  I just really hope you'll consult professionals if you go through this again.  I can't help but really feel for this cat.

[KeikotheCat]

All of the drugs and the dosage were given at the behest of a vet. The same vet we went to for years who was very aware of Keiko's aggressive and often violent behaviour. The vet also gave us advice on non-prescription based actions we could take to alter her behaviour that we tried first. None of these worked.

 

My mom brought Keilo to the kids party. I was in my early 20s and still living with her at the time. I'm now 33 and would not have made that decision. 

 

We tried everything to help Keiko calm down but unfortunately nothing worked. With twins on the way we couldn't risk having keiko in the same house as them (one of her triggers was sounds of distress and babies are known to cry) and she absolutely would not tolerate living somewhere else. This was a very difficult decision that was made over years of deliberation and soul searching.

 

Thanks for the assumptions and condescension. 

 

 

[KayC]

There is no condescension here, I was truly horrified for the cat.  Perhaps re-homing would have been an option.  I am sorry you are missing your cat, but honestly, the way you speak of her life, it doesn't sound very good.  My suggestions are made on the hope you'll consider a cat expert's opinion if you ever get another one that's like this one, but chances are you won't.  Most are not that aggressive, thankfully.  My cat has been a handful as well, she's grumpy and paranoid, as I said, if there's a way to take things she'll take it the negative way every time.  I try to give her options and let her go if she wants to go, I don't force her to do something she objects to.  She's definitely not a lap cat!  But I love her and understand that she had a hard life before I got her and I've given her a forever home, she's earned her retirement, she's 21 now and still in great health, thankfully.

I'm so glad to hear that these medications were authorized by your vet, a lot of people think they can give them their own medications and sometimes they have dire results.  I'm relieved actually!

I'm so sorry you took my suggestions in a negative way, honestly they were not intended that way, but I felt I had to say something.

[KeikotheCat]

7 hours ago, KayC said:

There is no condescension here, I was truly horrified for the cat.  Perhaps re-homing would have been an option.  I am sorry you are missing your cat, but honestly, the way you speak of her life, it doesn't sound very good.  My suggestions are made on the hope you'll consider a cat expert's opinion if you ever get another one that's like this one, but chances are you won't.  Most are not that aggressive, thankfully.  My cat has been a handful as well, she's grumpy and paranoid, as I said, if there's a way to take things she'll take it the negative way every time.  I try to give her options and let her go if she wants to go, I don't force her to do something she objects to.  She's definitely not a lap cat!  But I love her and understand that she had a hard life before I got her and I've given her a forever home, she's earned her retirement, she's 21 now and still in great health, thankfully.

I'm so glad to hear that these medications were authorized by your vet, a lot of people think they can give them their own medications and sometimes they have dire results.  I'm relieved actually!

I'm so sorry you took my suggestions in a negative way, honestly they were not intended that way, but I felt I had to say something.

There is condescension in your words, in fact, you're continuing it now. Whether or not it's intentional I cannot say, but it does exist. Perhaps you should try to see through the eyes of your audience when you're making a post. You were horrified for what exactly? Because Keiko was frightened by some children and handled a bit too roughly by a man once? The fact that you only focused on that one negative aspect from my love filled post is fairly unsettling.

No, re-homing was not an option. I already said that in a previous post. I'm worried that you aren't actually reading what I'm writing, but instead simply responding to a fictional situation you've created in your mind. I also already said that we had consulted with a vet for years on the subject. Not someone on youtube, but a professional in face to face discussions, where she could see Keiko's behaviour first hand.

Keiko wasn't grumpy or paranoid, she suffered from violent and often unpredictable bouts of aggression. A loud noise or petting her incorrectly could set her off. My wife has been attacked multiple times due to misdirected aggression and suffered punctures and abrasions on her legs. Her behaviour wasn't because I "forced her to do something she objects to". You could not force my lioness to do anything she didn't want to do. It's clear that you cannot truly fathom the situation we were in. Let me put it this way, on one vet visit she ripped out all her claws trying to attack another animal through her kennel.

I realize that your inability to evince any true empathy (saying sorry after a flurry of condemnations isn't empathy) is probably my fault. The common practice here seems to be to explain your animal's situation, why they died, and then look for a way to deal with your grief. I truly think that's a great thing. However, I wanted to immortalize Keiko through a eulogy online, documenting my memories of her life. I figured here would be a good place to do it as it's frequented by other grief and guilt ridden individuals. I suppose that was a mistake, as I may not have clearly portrayed how difficult Keiko truly was. Trust me when I say, we would have been irresponsible parents to have her in the house with two babies.

I desperately loved Keiko, despite her faults. For almost 14 years we tried every sort of behaviour modifying trick we could find, both online and through our vet. Unfortunately, nothing we tried had much of an effect. The guilt and sadness we felt and continue to feel because we put her to sleep is incredible. I hope that you are never forced to make a decision like we did.

Take care.

[KayC]

Several others read this post and were as horrified as I was. I have plenty of empathy for Keiko.

• You said you wish she'd be locked up in the office forever!  (And this in your eulogy for her!)
• She can sense your feelings, any wonder she hisses and growls!  (This comment from someone else who read this, not me)
• You sprayed her with water, chased her with pillows, shook coins at her, and stared her down.  Poor kitty!
• You took her to a child's birthday party (yes you, not just your mom, read your own words) and LET her be abused by your mom's BF, him picking her up by the nape of the neck and manhandling her in a way no one should suffer through (your own words).  You did not protect her.  

My sympathy is mostly that a cat was treated this way.  I AM sorry you are missing her and I do realize you probably love her in your own way, but gosh, you don't want to learn anything about how to take care of a cat, instead lashing out at someone trying to teach you something.  I guess you just don't get it. 

 

[KMB]

Keikothecat---- I've been wanting to respond to your post ever since yesterday morning. I couldn't and maybe I shouldn't be doing it now. I am sorry for the loss of Keiko.  Behavior modification techniques require effort and consistency involving everyone living with the cat. It takes a lot of daily practice and sticking to one technique for at least a week, even 2 weeks, before ditching one for the other. I wonder how many techniques were constantly thrown at Keiko to increase her stress and frustration levels? At the very least, a change in vets could have been tried. There are many herbal treatments that can be given to pets that have better results and no adverse side effects. I would have gone that route and actually questioned a vet who would prescribe human medications. Some dogs can handle certain human meds but not cats. Their metabolic system is much more delicate than a dog.

As far as cats being aggressive, sometimes it is out of fear or something they require that is not being provided. It is always best to view a cat's environment from their eyes to see what might be causing their negative behavior. You never mentioned if your vet ran tests to see if there was a possible medical reason. When you acquired Keiko, you mentioned she was curled in a ball, not active and curious like her litter mates. For me, that would have been a red flag that she might possibly have a medical concern.

Donning a winter parka and mittens to *wrangle* a cat into a carrier would be frowned upon. There are easier, more humane ways to do that. Keiko should have been exposed to a carrier as soon as you acquired her, so she would have time to get used to it.

On 5/2/2017 at 9:33 PM, KeikotheCat said:

She was too stubborn, too sure of herself, and wouldn't change for anyone or anything, even to her own detriment

What is up with that statement? It is very unkind. Cats are cats. They belong to themselves. They have a mystique, unique nature, which is what attracts a true cat person. Why should Keiko have changed who she was for anyone? It sounds like you didn't like her personality. When people take in pets, they have to be remindfull of the fact that they are taking into a human environment an animal that is domesticated but which also retains wild instincts. Essentially taking in an animal whose ancestors were wild and not used to humans. It is comparable to a human being forced to living in the woods and having to bend to nature's rules. We are essentially forcing animals to live by human rules and not by nature that naturally comes to animals.

KayC is right. Watching at least one season of the show *My Cat From Hell* would have benefited your family and Keiko. Usually just viewing a few of those episodes shows a cats negative behavior is usually the fault of the pet parents, lack of the right environmental factors that cats require or a medical issue that should be addressed.

I am truly sorry that you chose to have Keiko euthanized.You were not clear on why you made that decision. Aggressive behavior doesn't sound like a valid reason, more like an excuse for lack of trying other venues for help.

[pjo59]

On 5/2/2017 at 10:33 PM, KeikotheCat said:

I first met Keiko sometime in December 2003 and from the very beginning it was clear that she was not like other cats. She was, without a doubt, a lioness trapped in the body of a house cat.

 

I bought Keiko as a gift for Angelica. Her first cat (Misty) had died and I wanted to make her feel better, so I decided to go out and hunt down a cat that looked like Misty as a replacement. Aaron and I set out to the Human Society and found a cat that looked quite similar to Misty. I was just about to buy her, when the people there caught wind that I was buying the cat as a Christmas present. Apparently buying animals as a gift often results in the animal being returned so they didn't let me adopt that little cat. At the time I was annoyed, but now I know that was a blessing in disguise.

 

Next, Aaron and I went to Pat's Pets just east of North Albert. There were only three cats left in the open topped cage, and of the three, two of them were standing up on their hind legs, meowing for my attention. Not Keiko.

 

Keiko was curled up in a ball like a tiny little armadillo or a hedgehog, utterly indifferent to me and the rest of the world. After picking up and petting the other two kittens, my eyes settled on Keiko. The one that didn't want me. Well, I wanted her. I picked her up and she blinked her sleepy eyes somewhat angrily, giving me as mean a glare as a kitten can manage, while I placed her on my shoulder. She dug her little claws in and I was surprised at how sharp they were, but I didn't mind. She felt right propped up there on my shoulder.

 

I bought Keiko (then unnamed) and brought her back to my house. I don't think I was even able to hold onto her for a full night before Angelica guessed what her early Christmas present was. I guess "soft" and "fluffy" were dead give a ways.

 

Mom wanted to name her "Christmas" because she was a Christmas present, but Angelica wouldn't have any of that. Keiko was a special cat and deserved a special name and it was several days before Angelica finally settled on Keiko. No, she wasn't named after the soy sauce.

 

From then on Angelica and Keiko were inseparable. Angelica claimed that Keiko didn't like to be alone, and Keiko did cry when we locked her up in Angelica's office when she was still a kitten, but I think it more likely that Angelica didn't like to be away from Keiko.

 

Angelica even bought a little kennel or cat carrier and would drag the poor cat over to my house whenever she'd sleep there, no matter how awful the weather outside. Even as a young cat Keiko didn't like to be manhandled and I'd have to strap on a thick winter parka and mittens in order to wrangle her into her carrier when Angelica was ready to go home.

 

It wasn't until my mother, brother, and I "cat sat" Keiko while Angelica moved from Coronation to Victoria Avenue that Keiko's aggressive streak truly came out. For whatever reason we thought it would be a good idea to bring her to my little brother's birthday party at the Travelodge. It wasn't. The poor cat was terrified of all the loud kids and mom's boyfriend at the time, Mohammed, was particularly rough with her. I remember him grabbing Keiko by the nape of her neck to pick her up and manhandling her in a way that no one should have to suffer through. I don't know if that was the catalyst for Keiko's anti-social behaviour, but from then on she never was quite the same.

 

Some of my fondest memories of Keiko are a bit of a mixed bag. But now looking back, even the "bad times" don't seem so bad and I wish I could relive just a few of them one more time. I can vividly remember finding a Keiko turd on top of my book, "The Crystal Shard" by RA Salvatore one of the first nights we had her. I also remember Keiko sitting on the windowsill over my computer hissing all day and night when Angelica was either out of town or moving. I can't remember which.

 

 It was so frustrating having to deal with Keiko when Angelica and I first moved in together. She'd constantly hiss and growl at me and I truthfully would have been happy if she stayed locked up in Angelica's office forever. We had some intense stare down's in the stairway back on Victoria avenue and her aggression towards me never did completely let up. No matter how many times we sprayed her with water, chased her with pillows, or shook boxes of coins at her, nothing would make her back down. Even drugs like Atavan, Prozac, and Valium only had a slight calming effect on her. Keiko made sure that I and anyone else who came near her knew that this was her house too and that she had to be respected. Despite all this, I loved her still.

 

Keiko was very rarely what one would consider classically affectionate with me, which made all the times she was kind and loving mean so much more. I desperately miss the feel of her whiskers and wet little nose as she'd eat cookies from my toes, belly button, and even my face back on Victoria Avenue. I miss waking up to the feel of her paws swatting at my uncovered feet. I miss seeing her on her "tough chair" back on Coronation and I love that she found another one here on Edward.

 

In recent years her affection changed. For whatever reason she would be the most loving and sweet in the mornings (I think it's because she got lonely while everyone else was asleep) and would come for Papa PeePee Cuddle Time (PPCT) or Family Time while Angelica and I were in bed. Keiko would lay on my butt or my chest, sometimes when I was awake and sometimes when I was asleep, and that was as close as I ever got to cuddling with her. If I was really, really lucky, she'd even deign to make some biscuits on me. But most days family time consisted of her walking in circles over and over while she got loving pets from Angelica and I.

 

Usually our affection towards each other was much more reserved than during PPCT. If I wanted to pet her, I'd have to come in from below her face with a finger or two and gently stroke her cheek and chin. Almost always I'd "push my luck" and pet her a little too much, or in a way that she didn't like, and I'd receive three quick strikes from her left paw as a result (always three strikes and always her left paw). She didn't use her claws, it was more of a warning then her trying to hurt me. Angelica said she was just petting me back. I can't decide what I miss more, the feel of her little face or the sound her paw would make when it hit me.

 

I also miss seeing her leap into my bookshelf to watch me play on my computer, or sometimes she'd do it right before bed and then I'd be forced to give her cookies to lure her out. I miss seeing her curled up on my computer chair, even though she knew that she wasn't allowed to sleep there. I miss the squawk of indignation she'd make those few times I'd pick her up when she wasn't looking. It was easiest to do this when she was distracted by hunger.

 

I think that the things that I'm going to miss most are seeing her green eyes shining out at me from under the dining room table while she watched me cook or while I sat in my office writing. Even though she couldn't see me at my desk, I knew she was watching my doorway. She liked to keep her eyes on "her Par".

 

Lastly, I'm going to miss how whenever I'd come home after a night shift I'd call out to her, and of course, she would never answer back. At least she wouldn't until I entered the kitchen. Then, Keiko would start meowing at me in a way that sounded more like a desperate shriek as she clamoured for treats. This would go on until I went to her "cookie spot" and left pile of cookies there for her to eat. We had a similar routine when I'd get up to go on day shift, but for whatever reason she was usually more quiet and dignified when asking for cookies then.

 

Keiko was a cat who took an uncompromising view on life. Ultimately, it was this very attribute that forced us to put her to sleep on April 15th, 2017 at around 12:00pm. She was too stubborn, too sure of herself, and wouldn't change for anyone or anything, even to her own detriment.

 

Keiko loved her mother fiercely, and I know that Angelica feels exactly the same way. Their love was as true and pure as any love in the world. They were family, and together they made up Keiko's Pride (she was a lioness after all). Even though I usually only got to watch their love from afar, I like to think that I was a part of her Pride as well. I like to think that she loved me and accepted me as much as she could anyone who wasn't her mother, and I feel supremely fortunate for that.

 

I love you Keiko and I miss you, and I hope that wherever you are you can forgive me for having to cut your life short.

 

Your Par

 

 

 

Oh I just read about your kitty. I'm so sorry. I know the sting of the death of a pet. It's gut wrenching and heart breaking. Please don't feel that you cut her life short. I told my son I'd killed my cat, which wasn't true. I think when we are forced to put our pets to sleep, we do feel guilt for awhile. Try to remember why you did that and see it as being merciful to your kitty. My cat had a stroke, then lost the use of her bladder and bowel. I don't know what more I had to see or know to give her peace? I didn't want her to die, but didn't want her to suffer. You can't have it both ways. Thinking of the good memories is healing. It helps me remember why I took in Sadie in the first place and to be thankful for all the years we spent together. Peace to you.