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My husband and I live in New York, and have been living here for 3 years together. He's born and raised in a small town in Italy, very family-oriented and not career oriented. It's been hard on him to be away from his family and has no ties to New York nor reasons for living here aside from me. He's 32. I'm 27, American and feel very at home in New York in terms of culture, friends, and work. My career is growing here. Our families a friendly, but there's a big language barrier and we can't communicate without my husband or his sister translating.

My husband's father has fallen sick with cancer. We don't know any of the details yet, but its unfortunately not looking good. My husband needs me (and our dog) to go to Italy in the next couple weeks. He is expecting me to move to Italy now to stay with his family. I have things in the states and New York that are important to me, and I'm not ready to make the move.

I would love to go as soon as work allows me to (I teach) and stay for 2 weeks. And go back again for 2 weeks later in the year. I risk my job if I stay longer. I'm afraid of that moment when it's time for me to head back to the airport as things are difficult for their family. 

Am I being selfish? 

How have you all managed time off? What "typically" happens? Honestly, I have no radar or previous experience for this. 

Thank you.

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Have you talked to him about this? Does it have to be a permanent move? Can you be happy and find a comparable job in Italy? 

I do not have personal experience with this, but when my son was deployed in the military, he was gone for a year. His marriage almost unraveled due to the stress on each one of them. 

My daughter's husband travels for a living and has been gone for almost 9 months (been home a few times here and there). They are currently talking about ending the relationship. 

I've always been told that "absence makes the heart grow fonder, but I'm beginning to believe that absence makes the heart grow colder."

That's just my two cents. 



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