Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
Mrsviden

I just miss him...

59 posts in this topic

Another Friday has come as well as another night I won't be getting dressed up for our date night. I remember he used to call me on the way home and say "when we hang up you need to start getting ready because it takes you forever" and it did lol. After date night we'd go rent a movie and come home and we'd watch it or I at least attempted to before him playing with my hair put me to sleep in his arms. That's what I miss the most is just being close to him, feeling as if it was only the two of us in the whole world. Last night I was with my little sister and a friend and they wanted to go downtown which is something I've avoided because that's where Joe and I always went on Saturdays for walks, but I didn't want to disappoint so I went. And it was just as hard as I expected, I got flashbacks of him and I walking hand in hand laughing. 

i just feel really really drained. And I just miss him. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Mrsviden, I think you are so brave for going downtown despite dreading it. That must have taken a lot of strength. You can be proud of yourself for having taken this step! Do your sister and friend know how difficult this is/was for you?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
40 minutes ago, anxious said:

Mrsviden, I think you are so brave for going downtown despite dreading it. That must have taken a lot of strength. You can be proud of yourself for having taken this step! Do your sister and friend know how difficult this is/was for you?

My sister does, but she's 12 I don't think she understands it and I don't expect her to. It takes a lot of strength to even get through a day without him then adding on going places that are considered triggers is a whole other level. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Mrsviden, I'm proud of you for taking that step. It is hard when we first start doing the dreaded going out and about. Every baby step you take in a forward direction makes you stronger. It builds your confidence. Your Joe is proud of you and cheering you on. We are meant to continue on with life for them. I know it's not easy. (HUGS)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well done to you Mrsviden!

I'm not at that stage yet. I find it incredibly difficult to go anywhere where we used to go together. I even pretend that we're holding hands, but of course it doesn't work.

You should be proud of yourself. I just end up in a crying mess and have to get back to the comfort of sitting in his car. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Every time we go out of our comfort zone, we've come a little further.  I know it's hard to stretch ourselves this way, but it is the way to healing.  It's good to listen to our inner self to know when and what to tackle as we can't rush it but neither should we use avoidance forever.  You've taken a step, you should feel proud of yourself!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, KMB said:

Mrsviden, I'm proud of you for taking that step. It is hard when we first start doing the dreaded going out and about. Every baby step you take in a forward direction makes you stronger. It builds your confidence. Your Joe is proud of you and cheering you on. We are meant to continue on with life for them. I know it's not easy. (HUGS)

I'm sure just like the rest of you dread the holiday coming up. All these are firsts for me, first Easter without my husband. Thank you for those words KMB. Hugs to you! 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, Panda said:

Well done to you Mrsviden!

I'm not at that stage yet. I find it incredibly difficult to go anywhere where we used to go together. I even pretend that we're holding hands, but of course it doesn't work.

You should be proud of yourself. I just end up in a crying mess and have to get back to the comfort of sitting in his car. 

I don't really have a choice I suppose because everywhere in this town we have at least one memory there. I pray you find comfort and the strength to eventually get there. It's only been 3 months for me so I'm still pretty early on...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, KayC said:

Every time we go out of our comfort zone, we've come a little further.  I know it's hard to stretch ourselves this way, but it is the way to healing.  It's good to listen to our inner self to know when and what to tackle as we can't rush it but neither should we use avoidance forever.  You've taken a step, you should feel proud of yourself!

Thank you KayC, I'm definitely feeling down today, and I miss him more than normal. Dreading this holiday. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Holidays are always hard...it's a day we should be sharing with them.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, Mrsviden said:

Another Friday has come as well as another night I won't be getting dressed up for our date night. I remember he used to call me on the way home and say "when we hang up you need to start getting ready because it takes you forever" and it did lol. After date night we'd go rent a movie and come home and we'd watch it or I at least attempted to before him playing with my hair put me to sleep in his arms. That's what I miss the most is just being close to him, feeling as if it was only the two of us in the whole world. Last night I was with my little sister and a friend and they wanted to go downtown which is something I've avoided because that's where Joe and I always went on Saturdays for walks, but I didn't want to disappoint so I went. And it was just as hard as I expected, I got flashbacks of him and I walking hand in hand laughing. 

i just feel really really drained. And I just miss him. 

I know what you are going through.  My daughter invited me out last weekend - a friend of hers is a singer (very good one at that) and has a band.  I hadn't been out in quite sometime and she thought it would do me some good.  At first I was reluctant, but she was very persuasive and I agreed to go.   It was really nice but the band started to play some songs my Charles and I loved - songs we would listen to when we'd go out on the town.  It was so sad because I visualized him being there with me and I missed him so much - tears started to flow down my face. :(  I tried to hide them because I didn't want to spoil my daughter's good time. 

Tomorrow will be our 45th wedding anniversary and the plan is to celebrate the loved we shared for 45 years.  I'll go to my grieving group session in the morning, visit his final resting place, take my children and grandchildren to Charles' favorite restaurant for dinner and end the day by going to Holy Saturday services.   Busy day, but looking forward to it.  Pray for me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Francine said:

I know what you are going through.  My daughter invited me out last weekend - a friend of hers is a singer (very good one at that) and has a band.  I hadn't been out in quite sometime and she thought it would do me some good.  At first I was reluctant, but she was very persuasive and I agreed to go.   It was really nice but the band started to play some songs my Charles and I loved - songs we would listen to when we'd go out on the town.  It was so sad because I visualized him being there with me and I missed him so much - tears started to flow down my face. :(  I tried to hide them because I didn't want to spoil my daughter's good time. 

Tomorrow will be our 45th wedding anniversary and the plan is to celebrate the loved we shared for 45 years.  I'll go to my grieving group session in the morning, visit his final resting place, take my children and grandchildren to Charles' favorite restaurant for dinner and end the day by going to Holy Saturday services.   Busy day, but looking forward to it.  Pray for me.

If I'm not on here tomorrow I'd like to wish you a Happy Anniversary, I just experienced my first anniversary without my Joe here. I will be praying more than normal for you tomorrow as I know how hard tomorrow will be. My sister and friend are over and I just can't shake it, this mood I am in is just deep, I miss Joe, it's all hitting me again that he's gone, why can't I face that? It all feels like when we first dated and it was long distance and he was just busy working and couldn't text. I heard a song earlier called let's be us again and it hit home id give everything to be us again. He loved me like no other and I miss having someone understand me. Here they are tears rolling down my face and I can't stop them 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

7 minutes ago, Mrsviden said:

Here they are tears rolling down my face and I can't stop them 

Just reading your post has gotten my tsunami started again.   Here's to two women loving and missing their man.  Sending hugs and prayers your way.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
36 minutes ago, Francine said:

 

Just reading your post has gotten my tsunami started again.   Here's to two women loving and missing their man.  Sending hugs and prayers your way.

I'm sorry I started the tears for you Francine, I'll be thinking and praying for you. Definitely missing him more than usual tonight 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ordinarily, I would not post religious material to this site, but after reading your posts I felt compelled to say the following prayer for each of you.

 “Most loving God, you know the pain and sorrow of death; mercifully hear our prayer for those who mourn the death of their beloved. The nights are lonely and the days are too long. Comfort them and bring an end to the days of tears. Bless them and bring an end to their days of sorrow. Renew them with the joy of life and bring to an end their days of mourning. Let the bond of love which you have for your people be the foundation of their hope that love never ends and that precious moments with our beloved are forever held dear in our hearts. Amen.”

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
44 minutes ago, AceBasin said:

Ordinarily, I would not post religious material to this site, but after reading your posts I felt compelled to say the following prayer for each of you.

 “Most loving God, you know the pain and sorrow of death; mercifully hear our prayer for those who mourn the death of their beloved. The nights are lonely and the days are too long. Comfort them and bring an end to the days of tears. Bless them and bring an end to their days of sorrow. Renew them with the joy of life and bring to an end their days of mourning. Let the bond of love which you have for your people be the foundation of their hope that love never ends and that precious moments with our beloved are forever held dear in our hearts. Amen.”
 

 

Thank you for that prayer AceBasin

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Mrsviden, what you did, by going out into a familiar world made unfamiliar by your loss was courageous. It was brave. Brave because you were afraid, but you did it anyway. I can only imagine the pain of the once comforting surroundings and at the same time, feeling as if you've been placed in an alien setting. I feel this way. If you can imagine an episode of the Twilight Zone, where everything appears normal, but something isn't quite right. A sign is in the wrong place, the streets are empty of life, perhaps the neighbors are less friendly. It's an alternate reality we've walked into, one that has all the things from our old world, all but our beloved. That is exactly how I feel when I'm out. For me though, I'm alone. I have no siblings, no close friends available for such an evening, and my daughter usually has school or work and her own friends. 

And that state of being drained, having all the life just emptied out of you? Yes, without question. I wish I could bring you comfort and a measure of hope, I really do. Tomorrow is another day of possibilities, maybe there you'll find something "better". I hope you do, I pray you do. The last couple of days have been especially trying for me, things have compounded and made my life much more complex, so I have more on my plate now. Like you Mrsviden, I'm drained, exhausted, and without my wife, utterly confused and without her guidance and support, a wreck. I believe, however, you'll rise up and dust yourself off. You'll stand, and you'll carry on. You will because you must. I'm cheering you on, I need to see you carry on, I need to see KMB, Francine, Panda, KayC, AceBasin and ALL the others here carry on, because it gives me hope that I too can carry on. Nothing at all prepared us for this, nothing compares to this, so we can't be blamed for falling, for crying until we hurt or hiding away our pain. We can't be held to a non existent standard of grieving, we literally write a new book on grief each time someone joins our "club of loss"   I wish you all peace and comfort, and Mrsviden, I'm thinking about you, praying for you, cheering you on. 

God bless, peace and love,

Andy

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Francine, I am thinking of you today as you celebrate Charles and yours special day when you were united in marriage by God. Charles will be with you in spirit. God honors your union and love and someday you and Charles will be together again. May God bless you and give you strength, grace and dignity for today and always.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Andy, As always, you speak from your heart. Even in your pain, you are an inspiration to us all. I look forward to your posts. Your honesty is profound and it is so helpful, comforting, that none of us are truly alone in our grieving.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Francine, thinking of you today and hoping your day goes well.  I know how emotional it must feel.  I understand your tears at hearing those songs, that must have been hard to get through.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
20 hours ago, Andy said:

Mrsviden, what you did, by going out into a familiar world made unfamiliar by your loss was courageous. It was brave. Brave because you were afraid, but you did it anyway. I can only imagine the pain of the once comforting surroundings and at the same time, feeling as if you've been placed in an alien setting. I feel this way. If you can imagine an episode of the Twilight Zone, where everything appears normal, but something isn't quite right. A sign is in the wrong place, the streets are empty of life, perhaps the neighbors are less friendly. It's an alternate reality we've walked into, one that has all the things from our old world, all but our beloved. That is exactly how I feel when I'm out. For me though, I'm alone. I have no siblings, no close friends available for such an evening, and my daughter usually has school or work and her own friends. 

And that state of being drained, having all the life just emptied out of you? Yes, without question. I wish I could bring you comfort and a measure of hope, I really do. Tomorrow is another day of possibilities, maybe there you'll find something "better". I hope you do, I pray you do. The last couple of days have been especially trying for me, things have compounded and made my life much more complex, so I have more on my plate now. Like you Mrsviden, I'm drained, exhausted, and without my wife, utterly confused and without her guidance and support, a wreck. I believe, however, you'll rise up and dust yourself off. You'll stand, and you'll carry on. You will because you must. I'm cheering you on, I need to see you carry on, I need to see KMB, Francine, Panda, KayC, AceBasin and ALL the others here carry on, because it gives me hope that I too can carry on. Nothing at all prepared us for this, nothing compares to this, so we can't be blamed for falling, for crying until we hurt or hiding away our pain. We can't be held to a non existent standard of grieving, we literally write a new book on grief each time someone joins our "club of loss"   I wish you all peace and comfort, and Mrsviden, I'm thinking about you, praying for you, cheering you on. 

God bless, peace and love,

Andy

Andy, wow thank you for even thinking I'm brave. I don't see that in myself, I just see someone going through the motions and doing things to please others instead of worrying of myself. My sister is 12 and lives in Louisiana so I don't see her often, but when I do I feel as if I've got to hold everything together so others don't see me as weak. When you said the neighbors are less friendly that really hit home, before my neighbors would say hey neighbor every time we walked out the door but since my Husband has passed they avoid me simply because I know they don't want to hear how I'm doing, I'm assuming they know it's not too dang great. I'm a total different person and I used to could remember everything anyone ever said now I feel as if I can't remember what someone said 2 seconds ago. The only way I can think to put it is my head is consumed with so much it spits out new information. I miss my husband dearly, I don't know how the heck I am going to make it tomorrow but somehow just like the rest of everyone on here we will get through it. I don't have a family to spend Easter with, my sister is going back to Louisiana, but most of all I don't have the best part about me with me, and that's my husband. 

People who think they are comforting when they say oh but he's spending it in heaven and what a joyous thing that is, given that I'm religious and I know where Joe is, this is my first Easter without him, this is the first Easter I won't get to cook for my husband. I remember our first Easter as a couple and I wanted to be a kid again and hunt Easter eggs so what did my amazing husband do, he went to Walmart bought some eggs came home and hid them and then told me to go find them. It's those moments that I miss, I miss him going over the top just to see a smile on my face and vice versa. 

Im just lost, I feel the heaviness I'm carrying on my shoulders and I wish I could just have my husband back. 

As always I will be praying for everyone, not only today but through tomorrow and the next day, and the next...

mrsviden

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On April 14, 2017 at 11:39 PM, Mrsviden said:

Thank you for that prayer AceBasin

Yes thank you. I wish peace for you all on this Easter morning. Another holiday, another weekend without our loves. I hope you all find some enjoyment in the day. For me, I plan to spend it alone just hanging out at home. The weather is nice today so I'm getting my patio and porch cleaned up and ready for summer. Really don't feel like "socializing" with anyone today. 3.5 months in and I'm really feeling that underlying heaviness and constant sadness.  Such a hard painful journey. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

HHFaith, Wishing you a peaceful Easter day to you also. These holiday weekends are tough to get through. I'm here alone also. So very lonely. If my husband were here, it is a nice enough day to have a BBQ. No sense in bringing the grill out of winter storage for one person. I did my bit of socializing yesterday. A girlfriend who lives 4 hours away comes up in my direction 2 or 3 times a year to check on her grandparents property. She has plans to build a small house there for her retirement years and to get away from the city. I made the drive down to a mutually agreed place for lunch. It is the second time I've done this since my loss. This time it was a little easier to be out but still hurt so much coming home to an empty house and no husband to share the latest news of my friend with. I don't know if I'll ever get used to this unwanted, different life.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, Mrsviden said:

People who think they are comforting when they say oh but he's spending it in heaven and what a joyous thing that is, given that I'm religious and I know where Joe is, this is my first Easter without him, this is the first Easter I won't get to cook for my husband.

I don't think there IS a way they can comfort you, how can you comfort someone who has lost their world?  Your Easter is drastically different.  I try to focus on the spiritual aspect of Easter, it was always my favorite day of spiritual significance, and that helps me.  I try not to think about "how it used to be" but it still hits sometimes.  

I'm thinking of each and all of you going through your first Easter without. :(

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, KMB said:

HHFaith, Wishing you a peaceful Easter day to you also. These holiday weekends are tough to get through. I'm here alone also. So very lonely. If my husband were here, it is a nice enough day to have a BBQ. No sense in bringing the grill out of winter storage for one person. I did my bit of socializing yesterday. A girlfriend who lives 4 hours away comes up in my direction 2 or 3 times a year to check on her grandparents property. She has plans to build a small house there for her retirement years and to get away from the city. I made the drive down to a mutually agreed place for lunch. It is the second time I've done this since my loss. This time it was a little easier to be out but still hurt so much coming home to an empty house and no husband to share the latest news of my friend with. I don't know if I'll ever get used to this unwanted, different life.

Just brought my grill out and cleaned it up. But, yes, will I ever use it again?  Don't want to. 

And yes, it's so hard when you have something to share and they're not there. It's like an aromatic reflex that I want to send Pat a quick text to tell him something or just check in. I'm constantly checking my phone for texts which I expect to be from him. But none. I guess I never realized how much we texted each other throughout the day. Yet another thing I really really miss. 

I actually just got a tattoo of a text message from Pat he sent a few weeks before he died. It says "Have faith". A good reminder to me then and now, every time I look at my arm. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0