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brodead

older brother dead

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My older brother died less than two years ago. A piece of steak got caught in his throat and although he could still just breathe he puked and that went back into his lungs because of the piece of steak. the ambulance was delayed and the lack of oxygen caused brain death in the stem after a few days in the coma the doctors gave up on any recovery. My parents were away on holiday and I was the first at the hospital. Never have I ever had emotions hit me so hard. like most of us have said the pain is beyond anything inconceivable, I still cry about it now. Mentally everything is different. I have never been great at human connection as it is but I think my brother was the one person in the world that could understand me. Even though he lived a few hundred miles away. he was my role model he finished university and had friends and played sport.  I don't have friends or girlfriends, though I am closer to my parents now. I got back with a few ex girlfriends after the event but that was just a mistake although I really needed people to cry it out with. There is an empty space where hope used to live, anger where love used to be. It is a big change. something is always missing and nothing makes sense.

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I'm getting into death metal now which is something I have always wanted to do. and tentacle breeding stock-an erotic audio book, is helping me create a post death of sibling erotic vibe. because it is dark and cold yet warmly erotic and I still would like to create a family some day. I't can, it will help with my new spirit being.

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I am so very sorry about the loss of your brother. I am no expert, but I really feel as though you need to try to connect to other people and talk about your feelings. Isolating yourself is not good for you. I'm completely in the dark and have no clue about death metal and how that can be used as a healing tool, or even if it can be used as one. 

Do you have any friends you talk to? 

We will be here with you,

ModKonnie

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Nope I don't have any friends, moved to a new area nine months ago also. My school friends were all into drugs so I had obvious reasons to get away from them. After that I only had acquaintances from university, work, playing american football, lifeguarding or doing open mic nights. All I have lost contact with. I only really have basic contact with people in shops and neighbours. Other than that the only thing deeper is if I go out to meet women. I am going to a retreat for sibling bereavement this month and also some dating coaching in london soon.

Im taking some time off work due to a driving suspension. This I think is good for me. I have to give thanks to that cause I was drinking quite heavily since his death and now that I have this suspension for drink driving I have altogether, well apart from a few beers on the weekend with my parents, given up. so things are getting better.

I don't believe in friends.

 

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