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 My mom passed away on September 2, 2016. She was my best friend and I miss her dearly. My mom always had my back.  She help me start my practice, she lived with me and we worked together every day. She began to get sick in February 2016. At first we were in denial & I feel so guilty because with all of my training....I just fell apart. Even as she struggled with ALS we just couldn't accept the diagnosis. We tried to carry on and she even returned to work after surgery for stenosis.....still trying to be my mommy. I depend on her so much....we depended on each other. We mourned her passing together crying a lot even though we never spoke of the ALS. We tried to carry on....doing our normal. One day in the grocery store WE just broke down crying in the spice aisle....as though we knew it was last time...it was. To watch her decline so fast made my head spin & broke my heart. I am an only child....my Dad died in 2010....I feel so alone....I miss them so much. My husband had a major stroke two weeks before my mommy died.....I feel as if she sacrificed herself because she could see I was going down fast....trying to maintain my practice while trying to take care of her....I can't stop crying...the only thing that keeps me somewhat level is my son...he is 17 and in his first year in college. He needs me...but I'm struggling and I know it scares him. I need to go back to my patients but I can't....they need me but I need my mommy. The stroke has severely affected my husbands thinking and his judgment is way off....it's very difficult to deal with as my prana is very low & im not equipped right now...In the last six years I have lost my grandma, my Dad and now my mommy....I feel so guilty cause she didn't want the feeding tube but I was frantic because she couldn't eat...she died in the hospital after the surgery....I can't believe I went against her wishes in the end she acquiesced because she knew I was going crazy with worry because she wasn't eating. I remember going to the ALS clinic with her & the doctor kissed her on her forearm....he actually bent down and kissed her arm...me and mommy talked about it on the way home...we agreed it was strange but also knew deep down what it meant....everyone says time will heal all but I don't feel that way...

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Dr. Kay,

I am very sorry about the loss of your precious mom. Have you considered professional counseling/therapy to figure out how to move forward and continue your practice and your life? 

Listen, you did everything you thought you could to help  your mom. You didn't want her to suffer; who could blame you for frantically trying to help her? She didn't! It's okay. Stop beating yourself up. Really. I deal with death by just accepting that sometimes, despite all the best efforts, medicine and prayer, people die because, well, they do. It is just part of life. It still  hurts like crazy, but it is what it is. 

You have to take care of yourself--you know that. What would your mother tell you to do? 

We will be here with you,


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Thank you so much for responding & for the advice...I appreciate you taking the time. Your right I need to take better care of myself...sometimes I barely have the energy to get out of bed. But I'll take it one day at a time & honor my process. Reading about others experiences and offering my support helps. Again thank you for offering me yours...Karen

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