My dad had a heart attack and I didn't call the ambulance

[Jay9012]

In February this year, my dad had the symptoms of a heart attack and my mum woke me up to tell me something was wrong. I had a slight worry  (one hour after symptons) it was a heart attack but I didn't want to believe it was true so I went back to sleep, which I struggled to do. Then 4 hours later, the ambulance are called by my mum and my dad was just about saved. 80% heart damage which is permanent and forever which could have been minimised, at maybe 30% damage, had I called the ambulance when I thought it could be an attack.  

[Missing Jack]

Hello Jay,

You are carrying a terrific burden of guilt. The futility of guilt, will not change what was, and what is now ..

Extremely sorry that you and your family are going through this.

On a personal level I can tell you, some years ago I suffered for months with symptoms of "indigestion", on a fairly regular basis, a pattern almost. I was "nagged" to go to my doctor by a family member, and finally an appointment was made for me because I neglected to make it. As it turned out my rt. coronary artery was 90% blocked. In hind sight I had minimized my situation and just how poorly I had been feeling. I was extremely fortunate. I tell you this story to illustrate that it is not at all unusual to downplay the seriousness of medical conditions, and in fact is a very "human" trait. A major problem for people (themselves,) suffering heart attacks is all to often something called denial. See Denial - Heart attack ..

You have not stated whether or not you have had any medical training, but from the link above here is an excerpt and a few quotes.

Dr. Leach, who teaches at Lancaster University, has a name for this phenomenon. It’s called the incredulity response. He explains that people simply don’t believe what they’re seeing. So they go about their business, engaging in what’s known as normalcy bias which is incredibly powerful and sometimes even hazardous.

People can act as if everything is okay, and they underestimate the seriousness of danger. Some experts call this analysis paralysis.

Denial that something bad is happening to us is almost universal, even among individuals with excellent training, according to Laurence Gonzales, writing in National Geographic’s How To Survive (Almost) Anything: 14 Survival Skills. He writes:

“It is in our nature to believe that the weather will improve, that we’ll find our way again, that the fire alarm doesn’t really mean ‘fire!’, or that night won’t fall on schedule.” In the link you will find other examples, as well as further explanation, to this very human phenomenon .

God Bless You and Family, Be well

Michael

 

 

 

[reader]

Dear Jay,

I don't know how old you are, but so many people find themselves in the same situation as yourself. I, too, struggled with when to call the ambulance. Even when I wanted to call the ambulance my dad told me he didn't need one. Its a struggle sometimes to decide what to do.  And of course everything in hindsight is 20/20. I know we wished we could go back in time and change things but we cannot. You and your mum did the best you could with the information you had.  I know its very hard right now, but try to be kind to yourself and focus on your dad's recovery. My thoughts are with your family. Please do your best to focus on your dad's recovery.

 

[Jay9012]

I am 22, dad is 51, I feel this guilt could ruin my life. 

[Jay9012]

I agree Missing Jack, rational thought goes out the window during such challenging times, you are fortunate to have got to the hospital when you did. I would also like to add I have gambled away £25000 since then, have stopped though, 

[reader]

Sorry Jake, I know this is tough time. And its only natural to have regrets and feel guilt. I know its hard not to obsess about what could have been done. But all we have is right now. And right now, please try to be there for your mum and dad. Support them now and do the best you can going forward. Wishing your father the best.

[Missing Jack]

Jay,

Thank you for responding. You are quite right in feeling that this guilt that you are now feeling, could ruin the rest of your life.

The oppressive nature of guilt, as with any out of control, negative emotion, has ruined countless lives. It is ruining many lives as I type these words. This is the exact reason that you need to find a way to be free of it. Does your mum, dad or others blame you for what has transpired?

Have you expressed your deep sense of guilt with them or other family members? Do you have access to someone outside the family who may have wise insights, is a good listener, non judgmental? There is absolutely no shame in this. It is a reality in this life, that we do not know, what we do not know. It is an equal reality that, if we are willing, and have the capacity to be honest, we may learn new lessons to serve us well in all our years. 

Michael

[Lottie_Lulu]

There were two other people there who could also have made the decision to call the ambulance (and I include your dad unless he was actually unconscious). My dad had a stroke and I didn't call an ambulance, my mum didn't want to 'bother them' and my brother said it was a virus and to stop making a fuss. When she took him to the doctor the next day he said he'd had a major stroke, and called straight away for an ambulance. A scan revealed a great shadow on his brain where the stroke had damaged it. Keep thinking to yourself that it's not your fault and one day you will finally believe it. Because it happens to the best of us. 

Oh - my dad died this year and was clearly going into kidney failure and I'd been told when he had certain symptoms you call an ambulance and they come right away. The lady on the phone didn't even want to despatch the fricking ambulance so in the end (on my fourth call) I said he's having a heart attack and out came the ambulance, and the crew had a go at me for calling it out. My dad died so I had been right to call. But maybe if I had called earlier, or got the doctor in earlier when he first showed symptoms he would have survived, but you never know. And they were medical experts and they didn't get it right.