My Mother Has Passed but not Forgotten

[ProdigalSon]

My heart has been heavy the past few months. I lost my mother on August 7th,2016. It's been hard for me since I've always been a strong person. I was a mama's boy growing up and did some things I am not very proud of. But my mother was always there for me. Since my mother's passing I had to go without being able to call her to vent when my wife and I were arguing. I also had to live without hearing her voice on her Birthday ,October 26th, just 5 days before mine on Halloween which is whenshewould call me to say Happy Birthday. I have also missed our Thanksgiving call. And now Christmas and Hanukkah. My mother is Jewish and so am I. My father's Sicilian and not religious. I have also had to hear the sadness and lost spark in my fathers voice when we talk. This has been disheartening and also distanced me from my own children,who are all mostly adults. My mom had Lung Cancer and was told she was in remission but they gave her more chemotherapy on her brain they said just in case the cancer went there. They did this without any testing to see if she did have it. I believe this is the reason that she passed away after 2 weeks in the hospital and the Doctors treating her for Pneumonia and other things they said afterwards she didn't have. I believe it was due to the chemotherapy and it shut down her organs. I had to sit and watch as I held my mother as she suffered for 2 hours and took her last breath. I have been suffering as well ever since. Without anyone to help me through the grieving.

[Lulubell]

Dear ProdigalSon

It is so hard to know what to say to someone you don't know, but I will try.

Only recently have I come to understand a loss so powerful, it can leave your life feeling empty and void of light. Those "firsts" are always the hardest, the first holiday, the first birthday apart. I understand and sympathize greatly with your pain. 

As for the medical neglect, don't ever let anybody tell you that you are overreacting or displacing blame, although doctors may not mean to do harm that doesn't mean they did not. Only you knew what happened, and you should not feel alone in believing it. Even saying this, anger will not help you heal and as cliché as it sounds, I'm certain its not what your mom wants. 

Try and find one small thing every day to make yourself smile, look for her in your daily life, try not to shy away from memories of her, these are treasures only you have.

My deepest condolences, you will be in my prayers.

Anna