I'm 15 and my father died 10 years ago

[385957]

I lost my father when I was 4 years old to alcohol addiction. I have had to grow up with my angry stepfather who is extremely strict and distant, verbally abusive.  As a child I had to cope with depression because I didn't know how to deal with the loss of my dad and I still haven't dealt with it and it affects me every day of my life. Whenever my mom leaves the house I have a panic attack because I'm terrified that she is going to get into a car crash or abandon me. I can't create long lasting relationships because I reject affection and don't know how to communicate my feelings. My mother has depression too, so I can't go to her about it because when I do she gets angry at herself and it overwhelms her. I have no adult to talk to and I have a lot of behavioral problems because of it and I'm not sure how to deal with it. It has been 11 years and it still affects me and I don't know what to do. None of my friends have experienced anything like this and I feel so alone and isolated. Not to mention my stepfather forces me to call him 'Dad' and tells me to just 'get over' the death of my father. I don't trust adults because of fear of them leaving me and I'm not sure what to do

[reader]

Dear 38597,

I'm so sorry to read about your deep pain and sorrow. Losing your father at any age is devastating. I know its hard to find the right people to support you. If at all possible, I don't know if there is someone at school, at church or any community resources you could access. I don't think any of us will ever forget losing our fathers. Its a loss that will be felt our entire lives. Please take care of yourself. Thinking of you.

 

[Ashlee S]

Knowing yourself is key to changing in a positive way. With that being said, working on being willing to open up to someone and maybe finding a grief support group (yes, what you are going through is still grief, and they will accept u no matter how long it has been sense the loss). I have found at least meeting someone in person who has been through something similar helps. Don't isolate yourself. You can find some type of group or club as an escape. Find something your passionate about. Life doesn't have to stay the way it is. As you change and get older, your environment changes. Be safe. (And not everyone will cause you as much pain as the adults in your life has. Don't loose hope.)