I still miss him.

[lovedones]

12 yrs ago I lost my husband.  He was 38yrs old and died suddenly.  My sons at the time were 12 and 16 yrs old.  That day he passed is one of the most horrible days of my life.  Having to tell my sons that their dad died was the worst thing I had to do.

Thankfully my parents were there with me and gave up so much to always be there for my sons and I.  I could have never gotten through everything with out them.

My husband died of a massive heartattack.  Thankfully he was at home when it happened and my sons were in school.  I did CPR until the medics got there.  At the hospital the drs said even if he was in the ER there was nothing anyone could have done to save him.  I remember when they told me he was gone pounding on my dads chest yelling to my dad that he always listened to dad go in that room and make him breathe.  I still have dreams of that day and it seems like it just happened yesterday. 

I not only loss my husband but my sons lost their dad.  Seeing them grow up with out him still upsets me.  He would be so proud of them and how they have grown into such fine, hard working, responsible young men. 

I was raised to believe that when a love one passes on they are always with you.  This at times is a comfort. 

There are times were I can talk about him and laugh at stories, and memories.  Then I have days were I think about him and do nothing but cry.  I lost my dad 3 yrs ago and just lost my mom a few days ago.  I feel like I have just about lost my mind.  I keep thinking of how much my parents were supportive at that horrible time.  Now they are gone too. 

[angelmarie]

Your loved ones are always with you, it is not just a thing that people say when someone you loved dies it is true. I am SO sorry you lost your mom and dad, but we think we lose things when indeed they are just in a different place, still the people you loved and still the people that love you. There is no such thing as goodbyes only see you laters. I am SO sorry you tried cpr and that it didn't work, that was very traumatic for you and something you will never forget, but remember that by the time you were doing that your loved one was in heaven looking down on you and admiring you for your strength. Never forget who you are in all of this and remember that you are not alone, your loved ones are looking down on you and love you more than you can know. Please let me know how you are doing, I will be checking back to see if there are any updates from ya. Hang in there and remember yo uare not alone.

[lovedones]

Thank you for the kind comforting words.  I know he will always be with me, and his is probubly proud on how I kept going.  Also on how I finished raising our sons into respectful, compassionite, responsible young men. 

Since the passing of my mom he has been on my mind more.  I believe it is due to the fact that when he passed away my parents stepped up and helped me so much with my sons.  They were 12 & 16 when their dad died.  Even the first winter my parents gave up their apt and moved in with my sons and I.  They were worried about us being alone in the winter.  Esspcially with my health conditions.  I always let them know how much I appreciated everything they did for us.  Now with both of them gone I feel helpless and alone.  Even though I know I'm not alone.  I also know that the way I am feeling is natural.  After my husband passed I saw a counseler.  I did it more so I could help my sons.  They refused to talk to anyone besides family and friends. 

One other thing that upsets me is that my husband's family were so nasty to use when he passed,  His mom and sister blamed me for letting him die.  I know I had nothing to do with it.  I also know that I did everything I could for him.  Not many wife's could do CPR on their husbands.  I don't even know how I did it.  I guess my nursing skill just took over.  My sons grandma and aunt even stopped the contact with theem when they needed them the most.  Now that the grandma is 85yrs old and dying of cancer she wants them to visit her.  They refuse they don't want anything to do with her.  I do remind them that she is their grandma and maybe that should see her one more time.  But they said no way.  She wasn't there for us so it was her choice.  My sons are adults now, I understand how they feel.  I don't think I wouldn't want to see her either. 

Life takes us on so many twists and turns.  All we can do is do the best we can.  I know I will see my loveone again so day. 

When thing I would like to find out when I see my husband again is if he was having any symptoms of a heart attack.  After he passed a good friend of his came to our house and said that a month before he passed he was asking him question about when he had his heart attack.  His friend felt so guilty about not saying anything to me about it so I could make my husband go to the drs.  But I told his friend that no one could ever make him doing anything he didn't want to do.  At least he felt no pain when it happened so he didn't suffer.  I am grateful for that.

[angelmarie]

Thank you for opening up and sharing with me your personal story that takes a LOT of guts. You are right there was nothing else you could have done, and his family is way wrong for blaming you for it. Your kids are right not to want to see their grandmother again after that, I dn't blame them one bit at all. Meantime you have shown amazing strength through out it all, I don't know how you did cpr either you just had the instincts and the guts to do it. I am very proud of you for knowing that what you are going through is natural other people think they are going crazy or they are not normal for it. YOu have come a long way. It was good you sought counseling and i hope it helped you out. I am so sorry that you lost your mom and dad but you were right to thank them for all they did, you never let their good and kind deeds go unnoticed and that is great that you not only appreciated them in life but you let them know you appreciated them. That means everything to parents, letting them know you appreciate them. They are happy in heaven and glad they could help you I bet they truly are proud of you. God bless you and your children you are in my thoughts and prayers and I will check back to see how you are doing. Please feel free to drop another line here when you are feeling down again and I will write you back Hng in there and remember you are not alone. You are very strong willed and you have the power in your life to over come grief and take comfort in your memories. I know I already said this but acknowlledgement is  the best thing you can do for your loved ones while they are still alive and you did that for your parents. That was a great thing you did. Take comfort in knowing they knew you loved them and know you love them still. Take care of yourself and know you are in my prayers.

[slimpoint]

hi, Lovedones. I saw your post in January. Such losses. I lost my wife 7 years ago to schizophrenia and mult. pers. disorder. She was the love of my life and we were so happy for many many years, until her illness just dragged her into an abyss. She left our family, delusional that I was "out to get her", whatever that could mean.

I lost my sweet mother 3 years ago, and have been crushed by losing the two most important women in my life. I can empathize with the feeling of total loss that you must be in. It is strange how the losses seem to link together.

Today is one of those days when I feel the losses saw rawly, with searing pain, as though they just happened. I cry as hard 7 years later over my wife, as I did when she first left. But thankfully, not as often. One thing that is terribly hard for me is that I have to see her frequently, as we share custody of our kids. It is hard to see her now, very robotic, hardly any emotion, just checked out.

Anyway, your post touched me and I wanted to just respond. I lived a very happy life until loss struck me at age 40. I truly never knew such pain existed or was possible.

Wish you the best in moving through your losses.

John

[lovedones]

Hi John,

I understand how you are feeling.  I have my days.  I was 36yrs old when my husband died.  Our 2 sons  were 12 & 16.  I see him everytime I look at my boys now.  In their actions.  My youngest son (now 24) even sounds like his dad.  But over the years I have found all of this comforting to me.  When the boys get joking around with me when we are all together I look at them laughing and I can almost see their dad standing next to them laughing with them.

It is never easy.  No matter how we lose our love ones.  It is just in different ways.

My dad was ill for 2yrs.  He had his mind until the end, but his body just gave out.  I was a daddys girl.  I find myself talking to him out loud when I am alone and need him.  He was always there with me through everything.  In June it will be 4yrs that he has been gone.

Mom was sick for almost 2yrs.  She had Alzh/dementica.  We notice it soon after dad passed.  So with the loss of her we watched her mind go then the last 2 months she was with us her body.  She got so nasty and paraniod.  For awhile she didn't want to see me.  I know it was the disease talking but that was still hard.  Then one day while I was with her mind zoned backed in for a few minutes.  She told me it was hard to look at me cause I looked just like my dad and she missed him so much.  That made me cry.  Up until she said that I couldn't help but wonder if I had done something wrong.  I wasn't able to see her the day she died.  I live about an hour or so away from the nursing home and we were in the middle of a bad ice storm.  I feel guilty for that, but I know she would not have wanted me trying to get to her. 

I have my crying moments, but mostly when I get thinking about the special memories that I will always cherish of all of them.  I watch every Nascar race and even root alittle for dads favorite driver. lol.  I used to watch them all the time with him.  Or call him after a race to talk about it. 

If you would like to stay in contact with me to talk I could give you my email addy.  I know it alwys helps to have someone who will listen and knows how you are feeling.

Suzee

[Kelly]

Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family