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LvdB

Lost my life partner

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LvdB   

I lost my life partner end of August 2016, I miss him so much, he had a heart attack and died instantly,  I tried CPR but couldnt bring him back, it was so traumatic for me, this happened the day after I buried my mother. In the beginning I had a lot of people to talk to, but now its as if I am all alone, I keep myself busy as I am working from home, it is difficult at times when I feel sad and the tears starts running while busy with students, but weekends are the worst as my partner was on pension and we were always together the past 3 and a half years. sometimes I forget that my mother passed away , its as if all of it is so unreal..

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Hi LvdB So glad you have visited this site - Lost my soul mate on 04th October and life is so scary without my backbone.  So sorry too to hear about your mum - I lost mine 3 months before my lovely Steve - its just so completely unfair.

I hope you find the love and understanding on this site that I've found  - there are people here who will keep you sane; people here who have lost in circumstances you can relate to ; people here who are real and may become a source of comfort.

Thinking of you LvdB and sending you love and strength for what lies ahead.

x

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LvdB   

Thank you so much for your reply and caring Mrs T, I am sooo sorry to hear of your loss too. I understand the scary feeling, we have moved from another town just a month before he passed away, then I had to move to a flat as I can not afford the rent of the house we were living in, it was so difficult and scary for me to do this, but we get the strength to do what we have to do, take every day at a time, but I was so busy with all the arrangements and going through things and packing stuff etc. that I couldnt grieve as I was supposed to do. So many times I find myself talking to him as if he is still here with me. Thanks for listening, I wish you were near so that I could give you a hug. X

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KMB   

Prayers and hugs to you, LvdB----This is a safe place to share your feelings. We all understand what you are going through. I also lost my husband recently ( August) to a sudden heart attack. The immediate shock is wearing off, but, the acceptance is not there. We were together 24/7. I'm having a rough time adjusting to living alone. The loneliness is unbearable. One second, minute, hour, day, at a time.

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LvdB   

Hi KMB

Thank you for the hugs and prayers. I fully understand how you feel, the loneliness is really tough,I also struggle to sleep at night, and when I do sleep I dream a lot. Always feel tired. My partner and I used to send each other messages on WA, when I get a message I still wish that its from him although I know its not possible. Three weeks after he passed away my one sister told me to get my mind together and carry on with my work because grieving takes years, I couldnt focus at the time and was still packing and moving on my own, I am working again but my mind is absent, as if I cant find words, ca nt think straight, I forget to do things, The other night I forgot to lock my front door while we have a lot of burglaries in the complex, I am so glad that I found this group because it feels like people who I talked to do not understand what I am going through. Much love and hugs to you. 

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KayC   

LvdB,

I'm sorry for your loss too.  Sometimes maybe it's good we're busy in the beginning, lets the grief seep in slower, it can be such a shock to our system...and you dealing with not only his death, but your mom's as well.  

This is a safe place to be, I hope you'll continue to come here.  It helps to be heard and understood.  Our family and friends that haven't been through this just don't get it.

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KMB   
1 hour ago, KayC said:

LvdB,

I'm sorry for your loss too.  Sometimes maybe it's good we're busy in the beginning, lets the grief seep in slower, it can be such a shock to our system...and you dealing with not only his death, but your mom's as well.  

This is a safe place to be, I hope you'll continue to come here.  It helps to be heard and understood.  Our family and friends that haven't been through this just don't get it.

KayC is so right. People that you would think should still be there for you fade away. Until they lose a significant other, they don't understand the loss. They don't understand that the life you had, has been shattered. My husband's only relative, a cousin, stopped in at my stepson's a few weeks ago. Right next door. He stopped to check on him, to see how he is coping. He didn't stop in here to check on me. He knows that I was with my husband 24/7 and took care of him. Why didn't he spare some time for me? It has been so hurtful that the people who once spent time with my husband and I, shared in the good times, have gone on to their own lives. So, here I am, gratefully anticipating the couple of people who have been consistent with keeping in contact.

I keep coming on here for the comfort, the sharing, the understanding we all need.

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LvdB   

Thx KayC , I will definitely continue to come here, I really need the support of others in the same boat. I can also relate to the stepson situation KMB. On my partner's memorial service everyone was only concerned about his sons and daughter , all grownups in their late 20s and 30s ,who did not made an effort to contact him and showed interest in his welbeing while he was alive, its only his sister who still shows interest in how I am trying to cope, she also feel so lost without her brother. It is really sad that people forget about us so soon after our big losses, sometimes I wonder if they really do not care or is it possible that they just do not know what to say or do, so its easier to just ignore us. 

Thank you all for the comfort and understanding, sometimes we only need an ear to listen, other times we want to be that ear for others. 

I am looking forward to be able to have a good night's sleep again, at this stage I have a lot of confusing dreams, some I do not remember but I am exhausted when I wake up. 

You are all in my prayers, ma God bless you all. 

Love and hugs for each of you. 

 

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KayC   

KMB, it must be hard living next door to your stepson, seeing people come by there and bypassing you, I don't get it.

LvdB, I'm glad you'll keep coming here.  Yes it is possible they don't know what to say to you.  Grief response is sorely lacking in our culture. Here, we get it.

Hugs to you both too!

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KMB   

I don't know about the cousin, KayC. When he came over after my husband passed, he was here for about an hour. He was in shock, had just spent some time with my husband the week before his passing. Maybe he's still trying to cope with his own grief and doesn't know how to handle mine. It was also after dark, and maybe didn't want to bother me. But this was a few weeks ago and it's hurtful, but I have to let it go. Maybe because my husband grew up in this house and the cousin spent a lot of time here, it could all be painful for him to be here.

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KayC   

It could be...it's easy to personalize when it may have to do with him, not with how he does/doesn't feel about you.  But I hear you, some people do flake out on us and their reasons suck.

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