dauthor loss of my darling daughter

[Anna59]

My younger daughter  passed on October 4 2016. She was working as teller .  she was alive  when I decided to let her go, may be her dad could help her

  When I finally came to term that she, then I felt they are playing a joke on me she is not dead.  I felt  a part of my bones and soul is lost.  I don't want my feeling to go away.  At fist it 24/7 of crying, even at grocery stores even at my dentist an every corner  I would see her  She was in Manhattan and stayed with father. their who tried every way to help , they thought that was such so love but she always some excuse to move to another place, and another place. She was  working for Bank of America in Georgia and she went to go decided Bank of America work same as teller same.

She didn't so much  hours extra work because---because it interfered with her to drinking

Her boss said that he would help her and even four months rent if she found job. then all of suddenly came  to live me.  Krystal stayed in  re hab  3 months when Bank of Amerca Paid her salary.  She released her self and started walking on the part of highway

Rehab called her father,  because he lives in NY.  Iced roads and in  freezing.   he found her, told her get inside the car. She refused to get in the car and had to fight to get her to come inside.  Then she came back to supposedly help me. I was  chocked, She came with no money and no job and no car. I was so sick .coming from hospital and didn't pay enough attention >she would use my debit card, buy wine, and waited until I was asleep. I told her "you are going back to go your dad"  Ether go to rehab here or in Mahattan.

 

[Tommy's mum]

I'm so sorry Anna59. How old was your daughter? It is so hard to have a child with an addiction they just cannot help themselves and you know it will eventually kill them yet there is nothing to stop them from their destructive behaviour. It is so difficult to practice tough love and make decisions that break your heart but that you know will give them a chance to accept responsibility and make better choices. You sound like you did everything for her. It's not your fault your daughter made those choices you could not have prevented her passing from happening. Its such early days for you. You are enmeshed in desperate grief and your feelings are normal. Post here the people are really helpful because we have all lost a child /adult child and know exactly how you are feeling.

[Anna59]

thank you Tommy's mum. When she left to live to Manhattan, she was alive, with her clothes on, jacket and boots, now she's coming back just in an urn and ashes. I was going to be cremated after I die but now I want to be in the same jar as her so she don,t feel so alone.  Everyone loved  her but she loved alcohol better. Each time her father sent her to a friends house, she eventually found her way to escape because the people would have have her on strict schedule and she didn't like that, so she ran away again.  I tried to reward every time she made an effort to get better as an incentive to keep on trying I would sent her something. But that didn't stop her addiction to alcohol. Several times she was found by some strangers sleeping in the gutter and took her to a hospital.

Final days before her death she went to hospital to have gallbladder removed and got blood transfusion.  I sent her a letter to sign so that I would keep in touch with her doctors and progress, however, I think she threw it in the garbage.  The hospital did not even had me on file that I was her mother.  There is so much of this story, and it took one hour to type with two fingers. I use to be a legal secretary and could type really good.  Now I can barely type with 2 fingers.

I feel like I,m not even existing, that all this is in some other parallel universe, not this this planet.

I don,t know if my heart will ever change, because if it does, i feel she would feel abandoned, and we are all going with our life slowly and  forgetting her. There is no getting over this until the the day I,m dead.

 

 

[Anna59]

On 11/18/2016 at 8:34 AM, Tommy's mum said:

I'm so sorry Anna59. How old was your daughter? It is so hard to have a child with an addiction they just cannot help themselves and you know it will eventually kill them yet there is nothing to stop them from their destructive behaviour. It is so difficult to practice tough love and make decisions that break your heart but that you know will give them a chance to accept responsibility and make better choices. You sound like you did everything for her. It's not your fault your daughter made those choices you could not have prevented her passing from happening. Its such early days for you. You are enmeshed in desperate grief and your feelings are normal. Post here the people are really helpful because we have all lost a child /adult child and know exactly how you are feeling.

to Tommy,s mom 

Krystal was 28 years old, fragile beautiful, funny, and all that was not enough against  alcohol. I think of all addictions, alcohol is the toughest because you can buy it anywhere, all the movies show as alcohol is the major fun time, it,s served anywhere  people laugh when the are tipsy and laugh about it.  There no escape from it,and in the men time they are poisoning themself one day after another closer to death.

[Alina's mom]

So sorry for your loss, I know your pain. 

[Tommy's mum]

Anna59 your daughter krystal will never feel abandoned by you, you loved her and tried desperately to save her from her addiction. You will hopefully in time go on with your life but you will never forget her she was your baby your precious daughter. Going on does not mean forgetting or leaving krystal behind it means you have found the strength to live on and in time do something in her memory that will make her so proud of you for not giving up. There is no reason why these tragedies happen they just do and families are left behind to cope as best they can but know everyone on here hears you and knows the pain and anger and suffering a death causes. Stay strong one day at a time ok?