To soon

[hmason04]

Hi my name is Heather. I am 31 years old and I live in the US. My father just passed away on June 11th. He was only 60 years old. I use to always say that if I lost my mom that I would be devestated, but if I lost my dad it wouldn't crumble me. Boy was I wrong. My dad and I didn't always have the best relationship, but he was still my dad and he was there for me anytime I needed him. He was the only one that every really helped us when we needed it and he lived on a very small fixed income. I have to say that since I have gotten married and had children our relationship had gotten much better though. It really sucked because we only got to see him a couple of times a year because he lived in Virginia and I live in Florida. I have been so busy with my own life (work, school, kids, husband, friends) that it seems like I always blew him off on the rare occasion that we talked on the phone. It's like I just knew that he would always be there and I could talk to him later. I have been so preoccupied that I really missed out on having real conversations with him. I regret that so much and it's not something that I can ever take back. I was the last person to talk to him and it was the day before he died, I even cut him short that day because I had company. The worst part of it all is that we were leaving a few days later to go on vacation with my husband's family and I was planning a birthday party for my daughter while we were gone. He was supposed to come. The last conversation we had was him telling me that he mailed my daughter's birthday card and I asked him why because we would be seeing him in a few days. He told me that he was sick, but it was only a sinus infection so I didn't think much of it and then we hung up. They estimate his time of death somewhere between 11am and noon. My uncle found him at 10pm. So for 10 or 11 hours he was just sitting there dead. It was my worst fear. I begged him all of the time to move to Fl because I was scared that he would doe all alone. Since then it's like I have just felt so numb. I have this huge whole in my heart and I feel like I am missing a part of myself. I know that I have to be strong for my children, but it is so hard. He wasn't married so I have been the one having to make all of the arrangements and I also have to settle his affairs. The state of Virginia is making that very hard for me. I just wish that it was all over so I could just grieve and not have to make anymore decisions!

[cindyjane]

Hi ... I am so sorry for the loss of your dad.  It sounds like your dad was a really good guy ... he was there for you any time you needed him.  I think it is wonderful that before his passing he was looking forward to celebrating your daughter's birthday with all of you.  I lost both parents within 11 months of each other and the numbness was there for a long while but it is true what some people say.  Time is a good healer.  We have to go through all of the motions of grieving and we all do it different.  I always say that there is no right or wrong way to grieve ... just go with the feelings.  In time I was able to think about my parents and feel more warmth and love inside than sadness in missing them.  

Just take your time in getting over this and I hope that settling your dad's affairs goes smoothly for you.

Cindy Jane

[hmason04]

Thank you CindyJane. I just got a call yesterday morning that one of my cousins on my dad's side had a massive heart attack and died. She was only 33 and that really gets to me because I am 31. I really just don't want to deal with it right now because it has only been 3 weeks since my dad died and I still haven't dealt with that.

[kimmycimmy]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad. You had said you are still in the numb stage, I remember that so well, I still feel it from time to time and it's been 6 months since mom passed. Even if you didn't have as close a relationship with him as you would have liked he was still your dad and you loved him very much. I have to believe they know our feelings now that they are no longer here and don't blame us for any misstep. We all get so busy with our lives that we don't think about them not being here anymore, we always assume they will be, especially since he was only 60. I'm creeping up on that number in a few years and I hope I'm still here for my kids and grandkids. Just take care of yourself and don't blame yourself, let that part go and just let yourself grieve for the love you had for him.

[hmason04]

Thank you Kimmy. It's really hard. Today was 4 weeks since he died and I was in a mood all day. I'm not really sure that it has really hit me yet. Yeah I talk about it and I know, but I don't think it has actually hit me that he is really gone. I haven't dreamed about him at all. It's not like I'm not trying. I go to bed every night thinking about him. I just wish that he could reach out like everyone else says happens. I wish that he could give me the answers that I need. I'm so confused about everything. I have turned into a horrible mother because I am so closed off all of the time. I know that I am just to busy to actually grieve. I am taking 3 summer classes that are normally 12-13 weeks, but condensed into 6 weeks. I work and I have my kids. I really wish that I hadn't put so much on myself, but it's not like I knew my dad was going to die. As soon as finals are over I have to go back up to Virginia so that I can finish settling his affairs. They are not making it easy for me. I freaked out on bank that finances my dads truck because they won't tell me what is still owed until they get a copy of the death certificate and the paperwork that names me as the administrator, but I have to put all of that info on the paperwork so it's a catch 22. I have a lot of questions and I don't know who to ask.

[spencerreid]

First off, I'm very sorry for your loss.

I'm 14, and my mom passed away from breast cancer 7 weeks ago tomorrow. I know what its like to not be able to properly say goodbye. My mom had been diagnosed 4 years ago, and she was officially Cancer free! But about 2 months ago, doctors found Cancer in her hips, legs, and bones. She could barely walk (yet managed to still go to Disney World one more time, for us) and 2 days before she passed, we had to take her to the hospital because she was hallucinating (she didn't know who our dog was, and she thought it was raining inside). That first night at the hospital, I felt so weird leaving, and I had NEVER felt like that. I said to her, 3 times, "love ya momma", and she said from her hospital bed "see you tomorrow babe". I didn't see her tomorrow. My brother and dad got into her hospital room the next day and saw 8 nurses around her. They had to give her medicine to sedate her and were taking her to the ICU, and it wasn't going to be good. They thought the Cancer was traveling to her brain.

My dad broke into tears because it was the ONE night that he hadn't stayed in the hospital overnight with her. We got the tests back 5 hours later and it was pronounced that there was Cancer in her brain and there want anything they could do, and they were taking her off life support. HOW COULD THERE BE NOTHING?!?! I was FURIOUS with the doctors. I saw all of these families going home, happily with their loved ones and I was so angry. Why is? We were the happiest family ever.

So my dad took my brother and I home, and as soon as we got there, we got a call from the doctors that we only had a few minutes to get there since her vitals were dropping rapidly. We said okay, but the Triple Crown race was on so my dad had us sit down and watch it. Keep in mind that my mom had waited 38 YEARS to see a horse win the triple crown. At 8:51pm, June 6th, 2015, American Pharoah crossed the finish line and won, and we got a call from my uncle that my mom had passed. Upset that I wasn't there to see her one last time, I was so happy that she saw heard the race. Why God took her away, I'll never know, but I would do ANYTHING to see and talk to her and listen to One Direction with her again.

[hmason04]

I am sorry gor your loss as well Spencer. I'm sure it's very hard to lose your mother, especially at 14. The simple fact that you are coming to this site is amazing. I'm almost 32 and I am still not taking it very well and I really commend the fact that you aren't letting your grief take over. If you ever need to talk I am here.