lost my mother to a car accident

[trappedinmymind]

I was in a bad car accident almost 3 years ago. I was driving and my mother was in the front seat. I don't remember what happened but last thing I remember was waking up with the car smashed into a tree. I was lucky and only got a broken elbow and brushes but my poor mother was far worse. They took her to the hospital and that was the last time I got to see her for almost a month. When I finally was able to see her she was in ICU on a breathing machine. Over the next month she seemed to get better then one day I got a call my aunt (who was in charge of making all her medical decisions) was taking her off the machine. I was there when she passed away but every since I have felt like its my fault that she passed. My older brother even blamed me for what happened which didn't make me feel any better. Her whole family wouldnt talk to me or even look at me at her funeral.

Its been so hard not having her here with me. She was my best friend.

I've isolated myself from everyone to avoid being hurt anymore. I'm so traumatized that I can't drive a car and I have major panic attacks being in a moving vehicle.

I've even been self harming to try to release the pain I feel inside.

[sad&lonely]

Sorry for you loss. You need to stop torturing yourself, it isn't healthy and isn't doing any good.

Accidents happen, your family probably needed someone to blame to make their grieving easier in some way.

It isnt going to bring her back by blaming yourself, try looking at it in a different way, try making something of yourself someone your mother would of been proud of.

I lost my mum very recently and I sometimes blame myself that she died all on her own, if I'd called her that morning she might of came to see me and I might of noticed her not being her usual self and seemed medical help, but I didn't, I was out having lunch with friends while my mother was dead at her home all alone.

Life can be cruel, learn by what has happened and look for a reason to make something better for your life.

You are not alone, talk to those who will listen, it does help

X

[trappedinmymind]

I've been seeing a therapist every week since the accident and it doesn't seem to be helping. I feel like I'm in a dark hole and there's no way out. Over the last few years I have been diagnosed with a traumatic brain injury, they found out I'm having mini strokes, there was so much damage done to my elbow in the accident that I have nerve damage and can't use my left arm very well and I have severe memory problems. These all limit my ability to move on. There constant reminders of what happened and how bad I feel. Add on to that I also get flashbacks and have nightmares of the accident and seeing her in the hospital and the last breath she took.

I did get a Jack Russell puppy before she passed to help me with my rehab and with help from my therapist he is now my emotional support animal. He has helped me a lot and is really in touch with how I'm feeling. If I'm having a really bad day he cuddles up in my lap or let's me hug him and just cry on him. He goes everywhere I do and I think if I didn't have him keeping me going I probably wouldn't be here now.

[Adam75]

I can understand the pain you are in but trust me, you can never change your destiny. You have to understand that few things are out of our control. This we realized when we lost our friend to a drunk driver and a DUI lawyer being his brother couldn’t do much as our friend was at fault. We must accept things and move forward.

[silverkitties]

Trapped, so many of us here feel just like you: many of us wonder if our parents would still be alive if we had done this or that. Not one day goes by without my wondering if my mom might not still be alive had I gotten a second opinion sooner. Maybe if I hadn't yelled that one fateful day, leading her to go downstairs and ultimately falling down a flight of stairs. Maybe if I hadn't argued so much. Etc.

 

But the fact that is that unless we ourselves actually went straight out and stabbed, shot, or beat someone or purposely intended to cause an accident or fatality, we can't really blame ourselves. So much else comes into play--for alas, the fates do play a role as Adam suggests.  After all, you didn't purposely choose to get into that accident, right? Probably not. That's why you can't blame yourself even though it's tempting.

 

Btw, that is the cutest Jack Russell! Have you considered joining a dog or Jack Rusell club/forum?  I've found that I tend to feel better when I pick up new activities--especially activities and/or discussions that don't have too many memories attached to them.  You may be able to find new friends and acquaintances too: and in the process, perhaps other activities as well.

 

Conversely, you might also try putting together a tribute to your mother. That can also help you feel more at peace.