Members Elizabeth_80 Posted January 8, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 8, 2015 First off Let me just say hello!My name is Elizabeth, I am 34 years old and on 1/5/2014 I lost my mother. I guess I should explain why I am so confused. Let me give you a little bit of a back history. I am the 5th girl out of 6 kids my brother, of course, is the youngest ( he really did steal my thunder ) My older sisters had an entirely different mother growing up. No, I don't mean a different human all together, just a different person. The mom my brother and I remember was cold and distant she was going through a bitter divorce with my father and really used us as pon in her game to hurt my dad. She got custody but found out it was easier for her to just keep one kid (the other three were already on their own or living with my dad) so she ended up leaving me and my brother to live with my dad while she moved to Alaska ( we lived in California) I was about 10 years old at the time... I wouldn't see her again until I was 17 after she moved to N.Carolina.. after that I saw her for about 10 minutes when I was 21 and 2 weeks when I was 26. I would never see her again. My mother would let my brother and other sisters come live with her, she even took my children when I was going through a divorce and ended up homeless ( she told me that she couldn't take me but would take the boys, she wouldn't give them back for another 3 years) My mother rarely remembered anyone's birthday, she never called, and while I would beg her even after all that to stick around, she just wouldn't. When her relationship of 20 years dissolved, She ended up needing a place to stay and wasn't happy living with my other sister and all of the sudden she is in my life again! she called and asked me about how I was doing all the time or called just to talk and was really trying to make an effort or so I thought until I told her that I just couldn't let her live with me. I had no room, I am a nurse now so I am always working, and I couldn't take it on. The calls stopped. My last real phone call was months ago when I gave her my netflix account information. Aside from the occasional "like" on my FB page and comment here and there, there hasn't been much communication. When one of my sisters called me at 2:30 am, I knew it was something bad and honestly I really just prayed it wasn't about my dad. When I found out it was my mom who had passed, I cried not because of the relationship lost, but that there was no chance of one ever starting. I think I always knew in my heart that nothing would ever change. I can't tell you how many times I tried to establish a stable relationship and set myself up to get hurt. I guess she had her own demons to deal with. My other siblings have similar stories. They may have been allowed to live with her but the difficult, distant mother was still there. It's killing me that I am going through these different feelings. I feel guilty because I feel like I should be more upset, when I do cry it's because it's my mom and I love her but I think I mourn the loss of something that was never there, not the actual person. My life as it is now, will not be affected by my mother's passing she was never more than just a voice on the phone or a text here and there, I have more painful memories than good ones. I still go through waves of sadness but I am confused at what exactly I am sad about....I guess you could say I never knew her, not really.I put on the face of a daughter mourning the loss of a caring mother but that is just because I don't want to taint her memory for her friends and distant relatives. I figure that is the least I could do. I guess I just needed to get this out so here I am. I hope my story isn't offensive to others or makes it seem like I am an ungrateful, horrible person. I assure you I am neither. Anyhow, Thanks for taking the time to read my story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted January 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2015 Elizabeth,I am so very sorry for the loss of your mother and the loss of any type of relationship you never had with her. I guess we all have those complicated relationships in our life where we love the person because we just do, but they were never really there.... Do you have relationships with your siblings? What about your own kids? What have you done differently with them? We will be here for you, ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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