Loosing my best friend, my mom.

[Jessica867]

I am having such a difficult time dealing with the worst thing that has ever happened to me. The passing of my mom. Today is 2 months she will be gone.

 

I am stationed with my husband our three children in Okinawa, Japan with the USMC. Being away I knew would be hard but I never thought my mom would pass away.

 

I will never forget when we were skyping and she told me the cancer (Ovarian) had returned after so many years in remission. My stomach immediately turned to knots.

 

A few days later she was schedule for surgery to remove the new cancer. We skyped after her surgery and she looked great.

 

The next day is when things went down hill, and fast. She started to complain of not being able to catch her breath and that the doctors couldn't get her blood pressure at a normal rate. My younger sister (20), was doing her best to keep me updated. She was running back and forth from the hospital to school (college) for her classes and then spent the nights with mom.

 

I couldn't get a hold of her (mom) for a few days. Rachel (sister) would continue to keep me updated and not much had changed. Mom started to refuse tests and said she was in too much pain. The doctors had no choice, the very last option, another emergency surgery. 

 

She had formed a gangrene almost like infection in her stomach and intestines. The doctors were able to get it under control, and then, in a blink of an eye. 

 

They lost her.

 

She had a heart attack.

 

An hour of attempts and they couldn't bring her back.

 

My mom, the best person I know, will never talk to me again. Hug me, tell me how proud she is of me.

 

She was 48.

[BaileyB]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I too have lost my mom and I miss her dearly. It is an ache that never goes away.

This grief journey is a long one, with many ups and downs. Take care of yourself and know that you are not alone.

[Jessica867]

Thanks for your kind words <3

[trasker]

I just lost my mom on the second of December after a combination blood clot/brain bleed that took her from chatting with us to barely able to communicate to dead in 5 days. I'm 32, she was 64. Losing a mom as a young adult is so immensely terrible. I will not say I know what you're going through, as everyone's story is different, of course, just that it's awful and I'm so sorry. 

[wistletone]

Our Moms passed on the same day.  She had gone in for a routine hernia repair and had all kinds of complications happened for what was supposed to be a simple quick in and out surgery. She had a blood clot then a heart attack.  She actually survived them both and then spiked a fever and they said she had acquired a blood infection through one of her iv lines and she died the next night.  She was in the hospital for 2 weeks when she died.  She was my best friend and confidant.  I live in NYC and she and my dad in Colorado.  My dad is really ill and the stress has had him in the hospital for 10 days last week.  I'm afraid I'm going to lose him soon too.  I feel adrift and I feel alone.  Being so far from my Dad now is horrible.  I've been flying back in forth and have missed a month of work between my mom passing and my dads illness.  I need to keep my job but I just want to be there.  Its awful.  Now its the Holidays. .  I'm sorry you are so far from home.  I'm glad that you have a sibling who is trying to do her best to help keep you informed.  I have a brother who lives 20 minutes from my parents and doesn't do anything.  I'm so sorry for your loss. Heather

[BaileyB]

Heather, I'm so very sorry for your loss. The stress that you are experiencing now - grieving your mother and worried about your father's heath all while trying to work and not being near your family.... It just makes me want to wrap you in my arms and make life easier for you now. Is there any way you can take a short leave from work to be with your father? I do hope that you are able to talk with someone when you are ready... To help you grieve your mom and deal with these challenges. It's all too easy to focus on the needs of your father and put off the feelings that you have related to the losses you have suffered.

And, because it's the holidays, I just hope that you are able to find some peace... To remember your beautiful mother and the many years you shared together... Although this year will be anything but joyous. Be kind to yourself, seek support from others, and know that you are not alone in your grief. Our loved ones are with us in our memories - take the greatest care this year.

[Jessica867]

I am heart broken by your stories. It is really so sad, you don't realize people pass everyday and families are torn apart and lives are never the same again, until it happens to you.

 

I still can't believe it. Living in Japan and now my sister living alone in our house is really hard. I miss my mom and my sister and I wish I could be there physically (we were able to come home from Japan to PA for a month and a half) but had to return for my husband's work.

 

The other day I had a nightmare that my mom never died, and when I woke up I actually thought my real life was the nightmare, it was an awful day and it took me hours to get myself together. I was driving in the car today and thought for a split second, I need to skype with mom tonight, and then as fast as I thought it I just started sobbing driving. Its terrible. I keep a facade on through my every day routine for my kids and my husband. But deep down I feel like part of me died too..

[trasker]

I agree with you, losing my mom has given me so much appreciation for those around me, for those who pass by me, the ones who are carrying on without huge parts of themselves. It really gives you a different perspective.

I get so angry at my dreams, too. I had one where it was completely unrelated to her, just me and my dad hanging out, and then i ran up to their room and she was there. I was awakened by my choking sobs in the dream. Why would my brain do that to me when I'm just trying to get by? Life sometimes does feel like a terrible nightmare i'm just waiting to wake up from. 

 

Thinking of you and your family. I know we're strangers, but if you were here, I'd hug you so tightly.

[wistletone]

I found myself looking at my moms pictures again saying How can this be???  She wasn't sick!  And then I got a call from the hospital.  My dad is in ICU (He went back in on Christmas).  They are saying that I need to be prepared and giving me options for the inevitable future.  Could be weeks, maybe even a few months if he pulls through this one.  My mom died in October.  I listened. I was actually able to talk to my dad today on the phone.  He was having a really clear headed time.  We talked about things I need to do with his banks and estate.  He said its been a good ride.  I can't stand this.  I really don't know how much I can bear.  I'm in NYC until for at least another 2 weeks if he continues to stabilize.  I've missed 5 weeks out of the last 10 of work already dealing with my mom's death, and then my dad's illness.  I don't have net of a husband or family who can support me.  

 

I'm just trying to keep breathing and being clear minded and professional at work.  Would you believe I'm an actress?  I go and put on a costume and pretend for people every night (some days twice).  The Irony of feeling sick to my stomach and crying for an hour unceasing and then splashing and sometimes icing my face to calm the swelling, so I can put on makeup and a costume to sing and play a role to entertain people ... It takes about 30 minutes for the redness in my eyes to go away enough to not be noticeable. I'm getting it down. The show ends at 10:30 and when the curtain drops, I am moving as fast as I can to get up to the dressing area so I can sit down gulp air and try not to burst into tears before I get home.  I can't believe this is my life right now.