Husband of 27 years

[Tammysue]

I was married for 27 years, we got married on our first date. We called each other during breaks and lunches at work, went everywhere together. He was my best friend. He was the greatest husband.

He said he was feeling faint on March 28, 2014 so I took him to the hospital ER they ran some test and said you have stage 4 lung cancer. He stopped smoking 5 years ago. Went every month for chemo and radiation the doctors told him he was doing great. He even said to the doctor I don't have a death sentience they said no. Two weeks after that he dies September 22, 2014.

He was drinking coffee and said I can't breath I rushed him to the hospital and he died 15 minutes later.

I haven't been the same since. So much pain losing your whole life in a flash. I envy people who can deal with the loss.

[pcajordanaz]

Dear Tammysue,

 

I am sorry your husband died and that you are suffering.  Twenty-seven years is a gift and the hole that's left, I suspect, is staggering.

 

I lost my partner 1 year and 4 days ago after 23 years of an intensely close relationship.  I walked around for months just existing; there wasn't much that brought any joy or anything other than intense pain.  I guess that's what grief can be like...walking wounded.

 

Is there anything you've found that brings you any comfort?

[Tammysue]

My husband and I did everything together. He was my best friend, my shopping partner, we went to doctor appointments together the person I called each day when I got to work because he wanted to make sure I was safe. He didn't drink, he didn't do drugs, he didn't smoke (did 5 years ago) we were always home nights together.

I think about the future alone and it's sad as we were going to do it together.

[HeyJude]

I'm sorry for both of your losses.  I was married for 32 1/2 yrs, we were together for close to 34 yrs.  And we were extremely dependent on each other.  We went through a lot of medical stuff but I sure didn't think he was going to die.  Anyway, welcome to you both and post and read!  This is a great place.

[INKY]

Hi 

 

Likewise my husband and I did everything together, he was taken from me on 19 November 2014.  I cannot do anything that is normal because everything we did we did together outwith work and we worked together for 20 years before I changed my job. When I change my job there were many phone calls throughout the day and there was an excitement at the thought of getting home if he was home before me.  When he was home before me (which was more often than not) he would have the door open as I was getting out of the car and call "hello sweetheart" and I would be created with a hug and kiss.. then there were lots of hugs and kisses.  

 

I do feel that we have been lucky in our relationships to have such a deep satisfying, falling in love every day kind of relationship that not everyone has the chance to experience.  However the loss and the pain are excruciating and we now have to feel that for the rest of our lives and I do not know how we manage it.

 

Kay

[Tammysue]

Kay,

Sorry for your loss. You sis still new everyone says it gets easier mine has been almost three months

Still waiting for the easy part. From the day I met him he called me Sweetpea and he was my Popeye, friends and family envied us and I wanted to retired and get old with him. It's not fair and dealing with it hurts. My husband was 57 how old was yours?

Are you okay? Holidays will never be the same.

[pcajordanaz]

Hi all,

 

My therapist and members of the support group I go to all speak about how important it is to remain positive -- even if I have to force it.  Which I have to much of the time.  It seems "fake" to force myself to think positive thoughts when the images are so very painful.  I read where eventually the human mind will focus on happy memories and let the painful memories subside, but that hasn't happened to me yet.

 

I still catch myself -- even after a year -- thinking "Not Russ...it can't be Russ who's died."  And at those moments -- that's when I force myself to physically move...to get up and walk or run the vacuum or go to Wally World.  Moving doesn't really address the pain, but it helps to distract me from it.  I'm hearing that by doing that time after time the pain will change.  Let's hope!

 

Kay -- it's quite a "kick in the gut", isn't it?  I am glad you had such a rewarding relationship.  I hope you find something that brings a bit of comfort each and every day.  Something to look forward to.

 

I hope you all have a great day!

 

Charlie

 

 

 

Hi 

[snipped]

I do feel that we have been lucky in our relationships to have such a deep satisfying, falling in love every day kind of relationship that not everyone has the chance to experience.  However the loss and the pain are excruciating and we now have to feel that for the rest of our lives and I do not know how we manage it.

 

Kay

[INKY]

Dear Tammysue

 

Your relationship seems so much like ours was.  There isn't a thing that I did without my husband so I cannot even think "well I did this alone anyway". It is those moments when you are told something or find something out and your first instinct is to say "Oh guess what….." but then they are not there to say "what".  It is hard to comprehend isn't it..so hard but then neither do I want to face it really although I am now going to contradict myself and say it is in my face every day.   It is as though, I no longer exist because I never was, I was always we, us, our, I was part of…now who am I?

 

I can fully understand that you have not been the same since that day, how could you be.

 

Take care somehow 

[Amour]

I'm not sure I will ever stop grieving. I enjoyed a nice life with my husband, Sai Man, for 28 years. It was uncredible that we found each other: I'm French, he was Chinese, and we met in the states. Three years ago, he was diagnosed with brain cancer. We were all shocked; he didn't drink or smoke, and he was a martial artist exercising almost every day. After surgery, radiation, chemo we thought it was over. For two years, we were hopeful. Then the cancer came back; we went through another round of radiation, crossing our fingers. A year later, the cancer spread and by September, doctors told us that we only had six months; we had three. He didn't want to be stuck in an hospital, so I kept him at home; his home. The home he worked so hard to buy. I tried juicing, special soups, CBD... It was not hard, maybe tiring, but I loved him so much. And I had told him the very first day the cancer was confirmed that I would help him go through that.

 

We cried so much...We didn't want to be separated. We never liked it. He always wanted me to be happy. Actually, he always wanted all people to be happy and have a good time. He was so sweet, helpful, and funny. During the disease, he never complained; he was very strong. Toward the end unfortunately, he suffered emotionally; he cried so much because he wanted to live, to continue his martial arts, to see the snow, to enjoy his family. It was so painful for him to make people cry, especially his mother and me. He cried as he was so worried about leaving me alone.

 

I miss his smile, his eyes, his voice... I miss to see him happy. And I don't know if it 's because I took care of him for so long, I still worry if he is OK. We were not believers and I'm not going to become one now. However, we thought that something might be there, governing the universe, some sort of energy?? I feel that grieving would be easier if I could know he's fine.

 

I hope we'll be reunited. How can a love so beautiful just disappear?

Is it over? Or are we going to see each other again on hte other side?