Members saff Posted November 26, 2014 Members Report Share Posted November 26, 2014 My dad passed away on the 21 October 2014. That's 5 weeks ago. We didn't see it coming. He wasn't ill, in fact he was the healthiest person I know. He was fit and had no health issues, except for high pressure which wasn't critical. Atleast thats what they told us. He was playing with his grandkids and then he sat on the couch, said he's tired and that was it. He was gone. The paramedics tried to resuscitate him but he wouldn't respond. They declared him dead an hour later. The last time I saw him was that morning when he came out to send me off to work. I didn't say much to him. The next time I saw him was when I got home and he was lying on the floor with the paramedics giving him CPR. I received a call from my mum to say "Dad stopped breathing, come home." I rushed home but I didn't get to say goodbye or tell him I loved him. This is the closest loss I've experienced. I haven't lost anyone close to me before. I used to live with my mum and dad, just the 3 of us and now it's just the 2 of us. I have 2 older brothers and theyre being very supportive but they have their own families to take care of and it really just feels like my mum and I. The world seems so much bigger and less safe without him. I'm so lost. I was very attached to my dad. I didn't realise how much I loved him till now. I regret not spending more time with him, not traveling more with him, not giving him whatever he wanted, not telling him how much I love him and how much I appreciate everything he's done for me. I really think he's the most important person in my life and now he's not here anymore and I don't know what to do. I don't want to live in this world without him. I'm not suicidal. I wouldn't do that. But I really do not want to go on without him. Nothing means anything anymore. I keep thinking of him in that little, cold, dark grave and I want to protect him and help him and just undo this. A lot of the time I stop and i'm all confused, because I cannot wrap my head around how someone could be there a few hours ago and then the next, he's gone. And I will never see him again. I know it's not only old people and sick people who die. But this feels so unfair, he was 58 and he was just getting around to enjoying life. People tell me, it will get better. Life will go on. And I believe them, but there's a part of me that doesn't want it to go on, because I'm scared I'll forget his voice or his face or him. I go through the motions of life, I eat, I speak, I take care of my mum, I work, but I feel empty. The tears come in waves. When it's least expected. At night, there's this deep ache inside me, like a void, it's almost physical. I've never felt this before. I feel alone too. My friends have not been there for me. None of them have lost a parent or anyone close so I understand that they don't know what to say or do. But I feel abandoned and hurt and angry. All I get is excuses as to why they can't visit. I realise that if the roles were reversed I would do more for them than they for me. It hurts to realise you have no close friends. People use you when they need to and then they forget about you. I don't know if this is a stage of grief, but I really want to cut them off. I guess I'm here because I want to chat to people who understand what I'm feeling and who can offer some comfort. People who have experienced this/are experiencing it. How do you move on from this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cindyjane Posted November 26, 2014 Members Report Share Posted November 26, 2014 Hugs saff ... I am so sorry about the loss of your dad. My dad passed on this Sept. 17th so can really relate to the things that you've shared here. Going through this kind of loss is sooooo hard but I believe that it will get better. Today I am finding that the sadness I am feeling is lifting a bit when I think about the blessings in having him for my dad. When he passed away and I thought about growing up with him, the rides to school, the afternoons fishing with him, the camping trips, vacations, celebrating Christmas', watching movies with him, etc. my heart felt so heavy, but as each day passes I am able to see what a fortunate person I am to have had him for my dad. I am grateful for the good relationship that I had for him. Although I also wish I had told him more often how much I loved him, I have come to see that he knew that without me having to ever say it. It was an unspoken love that never had to be said because it was definately felt. The days really will get easier as be continue to look at the blessings. You didn't say whether you are a person of faith but now is a good time to draw on that if you are a believer. The most comfort that I get is in asking the Good Lord for comfort. HE listens. Take care Cindy Jane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members yoursecretissafewithme Posted November 27, 2014 Members Report Share Posted November 27, 2014 I lost me dad suddenly this year too. I know exactly how you feel. I'm just holding on by a thread. All I can tell you is try to continue doing the same things you did everyday. Surround yourself with happy supportive people. All is not lost, even though it feels that way. Live life like you know you dad would of wanted you too. Every time you find yourself in a desperate situation ask yourself what your dad would of told you. He is always with you. Even if u don't believe in the after life, you know him better than anyone. You know exactly what he would tell u. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members saff Posted December 1, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted December 1, 2014 Hugs saff ... I am so sorry about the loss of your dad. My dad passed on this Sept. 17th so can really relate to the things that you've shared here. Going through this kind of loss is sooooo hard but I believe that it will get better. Today I am finding that the sadness I am feeling is lifting a bit when I think about the blessings in having him for my dad. When he passed away and I thought about growing up with him, the rides to school, the afternoons fishing with him, the camping trips, vacations, celebrating Christmas', watching movies with him, etc. my heart felt so heavy, but as each day passes I am able to see what a fortunate person I am to have had him for my dad. I am grateful for the good relationship that I had for him. Although I also wish I had told him more often how much I loved him, I have come to see that he knew that without me having to ever say it. It was an unspoken love that never had to be said because it was definately felt. The days really will get easier as be continue to look at the blessings. You didn't say whether you are a person of faith but now is a good time to draw on that if you are a believer. The most comfort that I get is in asking the Good Lord for comfort. HE listens. Take care Cindy Jane Thank you so much Cindy Jane for sharing. I feel comforted knowing that there are people out there who are going through similar feelings and I take comfort in knowing it gets a little easier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members saff Posted December 1, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted December 1, 2014 I lost me dad suddenly this year too. I know exactly how you feel. I'm just holding on by a thread. All I can tell you is try to continue doing the same things you did everyday. Surround yourself with happy supportive people. All is not lost, even though it feels that way. Live life like you know you dad would of wanted you too. Every time you find yourself in a desperate situation ask yourself what your dad would of told you. He is always with you. Even if u don't believe in the after life, you know him better than anyone. You know exactly what he would tell u. Thank you so much for sharing. That's good advice. I'm trying to do that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members saff Posted December 1, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted December 1, 2014 It does get a little lighter each day. But I find that I get overwhelmed and break down. It happens randomly, when I drive home or late at night if I look at pics, and sometimes it takes very little to trigger it. So many memories. He was such an amazing man, he lived his life for me and sometimes I still can't believe he's gone. It feels unfair to smile or enjoy anything when he's not here and can't join in. I feel so guilty. I find that it's harder to relate to people now. Because not many people I know have lost a parent or anyone close. I feel like i'm on a different plane almost and it's so hard to explain what i feel/am going through to them. Does anyone ever think of where they've gone? I am a religious person so I do believe in the afterlife, but I sometimes wonder where he is and if he really is at peace. I so want to believe but I just wish I knew for sure that he was ok. I wonder if he's with other people who have passed on. I'd like to think of him having a nice big catch up session with my grandparents and aunts and others I've lost. Just wish I knew for sure. I don't like the idea of him being in a cold dark grave while i'm here living and breathing in all the beauty around me...just thinking out loud here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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