Dad is my only parent

[Aanakela]

I was raised by my dad and he's dying of cancer. I selfishly feel stunned that I am going to be completely alone in this world. No mom, grandparents are all dead. I am just paralyzed with fear about him not just being on this earth and alive. He has been awful to me and told me because I am not in the catholic book of life I am a heathen and damned to hell. I just can't Cope with my feelings. I love my dad so much, he won't even talk to me. My stepmom who is younger tells me about his health. The whole religious thing is really eating at me. How do I make peace with this?.

[cindyjane]

I am so sorry that you are going through this difficult time.  It is so hard to see a loved one sick.  No man knows whose names are in the book of life other than GOD Himself.  Only HE knows what is in our hearts.  I believe that it is up to each of us to find and strengthen our faith and for me that faith was strengthened in reading the Bible for myself.  There are many comforting scriptures in regard to comfort.  When I lost my mom a year ago and my dad a month ago, it was reading those scriptures that brought me the most comfort. 

 

Your dad sounds like a man of great faith and that has to be comforting.  We all have different relationships with God and they are all unique.  The main thing is that we have a relationship with HIM. 

 

I personally try not to focus on "religion" but rather my own faith and I base my faith on what I have read in the Bible myself.  Now I may not have a great understanding of everything I read in the Bible but I do know for certain that God loves us all and wants to bring us all into Heaven when we depart from this life.  

 

I hope this helps....take care

Cindy Jane 

[ModKonnie]

I am so very sorry you are dealing with this. What would happen if you just went to his house and visited him? Has he always been a loving and kind father? My father's personality changed drastically right before he passed. He became very accusatory and angry; but then he would change right back to his normal self after awhile.

Perhaps you need to talk to your stepmom about how this is affecting you. If you have, what does she say?

 

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

[Aanakela]

i appreciate your thoughts, and some outside perspective gave me a lot of comfort. I have read the bible, and I take much comfort in all of the words and scripture. It is just so hurtful that my only parent would be so mean and say something so hurtful to me. I have children and I can't imagine saying something to them like that, in the last moments of my life. It's such a hard world, why can't he just embrace his own child and say something nice. Everything I feel is about me. I know it should be about him, but I have to live with it. My stepmom just updates, she is not the person who discusses the feelings. Some people are just like that and honestly I feel like she is looking for me to comfort her. It's just awful. I am ok most days, and then I think about all the things I missed out on because he was my father and all the things my children missed out on. Then I think about how completely alone I will be. It's just overwhelming. I'm sorry for the pathetic post, but I had to express myself somewhere.

[JeanMihalick]

My dad died of cancer when I was just 4. Of course I don't remember much about him but my mom and I talked of him often before her passing last month. One of the things I remember her saying was how mean, spiteful and hateful he got before he passed. I'm not sure what, if any, medications your dad is on but remember that his outburst could be the cancer talking.

I'm not going to get into my spirituality or religious beliefs in detail. Basically I believe if you are a good person you are going to heaven and if you are not a good person you aren't. I'm talking like murderers, people like that. We are only human, as God made us fallible. None of us are perfect.