Lost Both My Parents

[tempest]

It's been a very hard and difficult week for my family. Back in 2011, we lost my dad after a long fight with cancer, mostly due to asbestos. he was 69 years old. Since then, it's been me and my younger brother and younger sister looking after our mom, who had just recently celebrated her 73rd birthday the month before she passed away. My parents had been born two months apart, in the same year. Anyways, they had dated for five years before they eventually got married and they were married for 45 years before my dad passed away. It was just amazing that my parents had been together for most of their life, having spent 50 years together.

 

Then, on July 30th, I decided to catch a nap and fell asleep. When I woke up later that evening, I thought nothing of it, I have no diea why I didn;t check on my mom, as I had always done before and it wasn;t until the next morning when my brother discovered that he thought our mom had passed away. My brother was in a panic and it hadn't sunk in for me just yet. After calling 911, and then my sister, I tried to stay strong for my family, calling my mom's family and trying to let them know what happened to mom. My mom's family were from all over Europe and I had an uncle who had served in World War II. My family are proud Polish Americans and I had lost my grandmother, grandfather and some aunts and uncles who were close to our family.

 

A few days after, the reality begun to sank in and I have been in a bad spot. Experiencing depression, loss and my own realization that if I hadn't went to sleep during the day on July 30th, my mom might have survived. My sister has been cold about it, telling me to deal with it. It's easy for her because she works as a CNA but it's harder on me and my brother because we were always here, looking out for our mom, checking in on her when she was asleep and I had discovered from my sister that my mom may have passed away when I was catching that nap during the day.

 

The grief is so overwhelming for me and what makes it worse is that we have a daschund, full breed, and she loved my parents unconditionally. When dad passed away, she became so attached to me and my mom that if we were out of sight, she would go out of her mind. Now that our mom has passed away, she's depressed on a daily basis and has become so attached to me that she thinks me and my brother are going to disappear as well. We do our best to reassure her and always make sure one of us is at the house so she doesn;t have any abandonment issues. It hurts me like crazy because she'll lay in front of my mom's bedroom door, thinking she's still in there.

 

During the funeral services, my mom's sisters and one of her brothers, my aunts and my uncle, it was an emotional time for me because we were always close to my mom's family. It just still hurts so much to think she'll no longer be here. It's worse yet, because we've lost both of our parents.

[cindyjane]

Hi tempest ... I am so sorry for the loss of both of your parents.  How wonderful that they had so many good years together but it is always too soon when they leave us.  I lost my mom 10 months ago and she spent the last 6 weeks in the hospital.  It was very difficult to see her get sicker and weaker by the day.  As much as I appreciate hospitals and the staff for all that they do, I think that given a choice most people would rather slip away quickly and quietly at home if possible.  That being said, it doesn't matter when or how we lose a parent, the outcome is the same ... our hearts ache! 

 

Grieving is difficult enough and I hope that you aren't feeling any guilt for this happening while you were having a nap.  Since my mom passed away I have been looking after my dad (he lives with me) who has some serious health problems.  I know that I can't be there for him 24/7 and that anything could happen at any time whether I am here or not.  When the Good LORD wants to take us "home", it will happen, this is not in our hands.  So please don't take on any guilt over this and let the tears flow, they are very healing. 

Please take care and thanks for sharing.  Keeping your mom and family in my prayers.

Cindy Jane

[stevehayes]

I lost both of my parents within 36 hours in 2012. I was and am still shocked. They had different ailments. My father had cancer and my mother had a stroke and Parkinson's. I am deeply angry that this has happened. My mother and I were close near the end and I miss her daily. I feel like a fish out of water. I had no friends, just my mom. This has been a nightmare.