Going through the motions

[mc140v]

In July my Mum was diagnosed with metastatic kidney cancer which had spread to pretty much to every other major organ.  Me and my family are now going through the motions of palliative care at home to try and make her end of life care as comfortable as possible.  I'm struggling to cope with the helplessness of the day to day acceptance that there is simply nothing we can do but watch her deteriorate and manage her pain.  I realize this forum topic is the loss of a parent and I know I have not yet lost my Mum but watching her fade is just tearing me apart.  I try to keep the good memories we shared to the forefront of my mind but on a night when I try to sleep all i can see is her in pain.  She hasn't even passed away yet but I feel so consumed with grief that I honestly don't know how I will cope when the time does come.  I'm just not ready to lose my Mum and yet I know that in the coming days/weeks that this is going to be the case.  I just feel lost.     

[cindyjane]

I am so sorry that you are going through this.  I lost my mom last October, she was sick in the hospital for 6 weeks prior to passing away and to this day I don't know how I got through those 6 weeks but I did.  I believe that it was my faith that sustained me.  Support from other family members and friends helped a lot too.  As difficult as her passing was, there was a sense of relief that the suffering came to an end. 

 

Even in this worst time of my life I would look for things to be grateful for during those 6 weeks.  That I had the chance to tell her numerous times how much I loved her ... to hold her hand ... tell her what a great mom she's been.  Another thing that I was grateful for is that they were managing her pain (thank GOD for pain management). 

 

We do feel helpless but it is HUGE that you have arranged for palliative care so that she can be at home.  I know it's very hard but during this time try to find things to be grateful for ... it helped to lighten my heavy heart during that time. 

 

Even to this day when I am really missing her, I look back on my life with her and can't help but to feel grateful that she was my mom.  I give thanks for that every single day and it helps get through those tough moments.  Take care and God bless you for being there for your mum during this difficult time.

 

Cindy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Squeege]

oooh ((((big hugs)))) 

I went through losing my beautiful Dad in May.  He was in Palliative Care in hospital and we were there around the clock.  It's so very overwhelming, I remember the N.U.M. telling me that Dad was dying, he was declining everyday and we knew it would soon happen.  When I went home to rest intermittently I would sob and sob.  You are already grieving her loss even though she hasn't passed yet, I did the same.  When the time comes its very hard to explain how you feel and honestly it's different for everyone.  I wasn't ready to lose my Dad either and he wasn't ready to die either.  Cancer SUCKS.  Make the most of every moment with your dear Mum, those moments are so very precious, she's blessed to have such a loving and caring daughter by her side.