I know how everyone is feeling. I lost my younger sister in January 29, 2014. She was 15 years old and even know she was a a little bit annoying but I would always love her. Her name was Noemi Mendez Castro and even know she died, she knew she was love by my mother, my brother, and of course by me her big sister. She died in a horrible truck accident and my younger brother was the witness. He tried to save her but the truck dragged her and my brother but my brother couldn't hold her much longer and her head was crushed by the truck tire. When my brother saw her death even he was also injured he took her body to the side walk and tried to revived her but it was too late. While I was in mexico because i lost my documents and i was waiting to cross legally. That day was the best day was turn to the worst day of my entire life. While i was at some place my aunt came to me and told me a lie so i wouldn't know what truly happened but during that time i was depressed because a uncle that i was so close died a week before her. Anyways as i went back to her house I was alone and i was playing video games and all of a sudden my cousin and his family came and offer me to stay at their home for a day but then i got a phone call from my dad to pack up my stuff and i did. My cousin gave me a ride to the Otay Border Crossing Station there i saw my dad and i saw my dad hugging my cousin and my cousin said something but couldn't hear it. So i went walking with my dad and a officer saw that i lost my document and i was just to pay for my green card the officer told me that i was already a US citizen. That day was the best day of my life but boy i was wrong. When i saw my dad i saw him weird and as he was driving he was about to tell me about the death of my sister but it was too late i saw the scene of the accident and came running toward my mom i saw how devastated she was. I scream with all my might and i was feeling weak with a heart torn apart. For me my mom, my brother and my younger sister were all the family i needed because my bastard dad of mine abandoned my mom and my brothers and me. He caused so much damage that sometimes i do not want to be near him and he came back when he knew about my younger sister death. I blamed him for her death and i still do but i DO NOT TRUST HIM. He could have help us to find a nice home but nooooo he preferred a woman over his own family. Her death still hurts me because i would take care of her when my mom went to work and she would play her pranks on me and my brother. This year i will be celebrating my birthday alone because her birthday was 4 days before mine and i depressed but i am not going to kill myself. With GOD by my side i will get stronger. Thanks for reading this.
My little sister
Posted 30 April 2014 - 08:32 AM
I can't tell you how relieved I am to hear that someone is also experiencing the same difficulties between dream life and real life. I lost my only sibling, my younger sister, 2 1/2 years ago in a car accident. I was 4 hours away and never had the chance to say goodbye. Almost every night she will appear in my dreams, they won't nesceesairly be about her, but she is in almost every one. Sometimes it's like she never died, I can hear her voice so clearly, I can feel her touch like she never left. Then I wake up and am faced with the very harsh fact that the only time I get to see her is in my dreams, it makes my reality a nightmare. But other times I get confused, it's like I can recognise the fact that she is gone but she is still there, right in front of me, but in my head I know it doesn't make sense. It's like a double edged sword, I want to sleep so I can see her, but I don't want to wake up becuase I have to deal with her dying all over again.
Posted 29 March 2013 - 01:44 PM
Wow. Our brothers died on the same day. Mine was just shy of his 31st birthday and it was a drug overdose but, despite the differences, seeing that date in your post made my heart stop for a second. I'm just beginning to deal with his death -- if I could afford counseling, I would do it (it has helped me with other issues in the past). Instead, I'm blogging and working on a book with the hopes of it helping with my grief process: http://www.beckymollenkamp.com if you're interested in seeing it. Anyway, we share the burden of having a national holiday as our brothers' deathiversary ... no fun. Has your family done anything interesting to commemorate the date? We haven't figured it out yet but I hope we do. — Becky
What you said about being strong for your parents resonates with me. A counselor said adult sibling deaths are called the "overlooked bereaved" because we end up taking care of our parents and our own grief often gets pushed aside. That certainly happened with me, down to funeral arrangements and thank you cards. And then just being emotionally "strong" so my mom could have someone to lean on. I'm just now, three years later, starting to deal with my own grief. It's not easy. I feel your pain. If you're interested, you can read about my grief journey in my blog about it at http://www.beckymollenkamp.com. If there's anything else I can do to help you, please let me know. I'm always here to listen. — Becky
Posted 28 March 2013 - 01:53 AM
My brother died on July 4th, 2010. I went to bereavement counseling. It changed my life. I recommend a program that involves cognitive behavioral therapy. Do I still hurt? Yes. But I do not feel guilt anymore, nor do I ruminate as I did before therapy. My brother died while he was swimming, did not drown. He started steuggling and made it to shore. He then passed away quickly before EMS arrived. Itcwas found that he had a heart attack. He was 33yo. Unfortunately he got meningitis when he was 8 months old. Because of brain shunt surgeries, and revisions the doctors said he may have heart complications later in life. Still, his heart failed without warning, yearly check ups were all fine.
I hope you try counseling. Take Care!
Posted 18 March 2013 - 03:28 PM
I am so very sorry about the loss of your sister. It sounds as though it is time for you to truly grieve and get out the pain and hurt you have stuffed inside for years. Talking to others, as you have done here, is a great start. Counseling is a good idea, too. I'm sure others in your family are having trouble, too, even if you can't see it. Perhaps you should talk to them and see how they feel, too?
Thank you for sharing with us. We will be here for you.
Posted 17 March 2013 - 01:27 PM
The worst is the dreams. Every night I have the most vivid dreams with her in it. It could be a full conversation I only recall the jist of, or it is simply her presance in my dream. The dreams are so vivid, that when I wake up, she is alive. For a breif moment, I believe that she is still alive, in the room right next to mine, until the sudden realization that she is gone overwhelms me and my body takes a hard blow to the chest. I just don't know how to cope, and I don't have anyone in my life to talk to.
I had to be strong, not for me, but my parents. It was just the two of us kids. I was 16 when she passed, and she was 14. The same week that she passed, my father lost his job, and my mother came down with lime disease. They both had to deal with the death without having anything to distract their thoughts. I watched from the sidelines as both of them started to grow insane, growing distant, cold, heartless. Every day I would find something they could help me with. "Mom, can you help me with my biology homework?" "Dad, you want to help me mow the yard?" It was the only way I could think of for them to retain a sense of normal. To feel like parents, to be able to care for their child when they couldn't bring themselves to do anything, It brought them back to life. You know when my mom got over her disease, she went back to work. Do you know how sick and twisted it is to lose a child, then have to go back to work being a 'Maternal Care Coordinator'? Helping expecting mothers, when she had to lose her only daughter? I tried not to think about what she was going through at work.
I hate not having anything to blame. My sister died of a rare brain aneurysm, I don't recall the specifics of it, but what started out as a head ache turned into a quick death. I hope she wasn't scared. I hope she was ignorant in thinking that she was just sick, and that she would get better. She was at a friends house when it happened. I remember I was playing Gears of War later than what I was supposed to, when my mom's cell phone rang at 1:07am. It read "Kristy's cell" I was furious, my mom had the loudest ring, and if my parents were to wake I would get in trouble. I answered "Kristy you know mom and dad are asleep what do you want?" It was her friend Jessica. She replied "Kristy is sick..." "So...do you want me to pick her up?" "Well duh..." I never cared for her friend and her sarcastic tone. But I took my time. I didn't think much of it, she was just sick right? So I went back to the xbox, spent 5min explaining to my friends "Hey, my sister is sick so I have to get her, don't worry i'll be back on in about 20min" Slowly walked up to my parents room and told them what was up. She was just sick right? When we got to the house, she hunched over the toilet vomitting and slurring her words. How much had she had to drink? That's all it looked like. My dad was furious. "WHAT DID YOU GIVE TO HER?" it wasn't that. The father of Jessica woke up, saw what was going on, and immediatly called 911. It was 1:35am. She was just sick right? Her last words were "I just ate pizza and cookies" before she slipped into unconciousness. She was in a coma for a week, and then the morning of April 15th 2008, the doctors tested for brain activity, in which there was none. I think she died much sooner than that, but it's the official "Time of death"
You know I never cried till the end? I had to stay strong for my parents. My dad owned his own buisness, a Packaging company called Packall Ind. where he only had one major client. His client put in a huge order, rediculous even, which my father knew that his client was just "Stocking up" because they were looking at someone else for their carrigated packaging needs. The week he was in the hospitol, with my sister in a coma, I was at Packall Ind., doing my father's job. My dad's father, his brother, and his brother's kids came to help me, but it was all I could do. On my free time I went to the hospitol, to a room where everyone was crying, and I just comforted them, not a single emotion drawn on my face. I finally cried when the doctor broke the news, two days before they tested for brain activity, that she probably wasn't going to make it. I was the only one who cried, ironic huh? My whole family, cousins, grandparents, my parents, all looked at me and smiled. "We were so worried about you, you're my rock, I'm glad you were able to let go" They were all cried out, while I stood there, only one crying. I didn't cry at her funeral, I was a paul berrer, I coulnd't cry all over the casket could I? No, she wouldn't have liked that.
I never seeked counsiling, I never had anyone to talk to about how I felt. I had responsibilities at home, I had no time. But even after 5 years of coping, I still feel tourtured by my own emotions. It never gets easier, and I'm still having trouble, even if no one sees that I am.
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