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Lost My husband to heroin overdose


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#1 shreddez

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Posted 14 April 2012 - 02:25 PM

Laurenlou and DahliaAvallyne -

I know I am not alone and neither are you. I was glad to read your posts. I am so sorry for your losses. My wife died in May of 2010. It has been almost two years. She was 35 years old and I was 34 at the time. Our only child, a boy, was just shy of his 5th birthday.

She struggled with recovery from her addiction for several years. She was on a methadone treatment program for a long time but was doing well and we were just beginning to blossom as a family, having bought our first home. She had received promotions and awards where she worked and we were just coming out of some of the financial difficulties that we experienced earlier in our marriage.

She did have a relapse or two (that I only found out about after she died), but generally she stuck with the methadone program and was really trying. She just wanted to be "normal". She was exceptionally intelligent, very attractive, down-to-earth and the most loving wife and mother of my son I could have ever hoped for. To call it a shock when I received that fateful phone call would be an understatement. I was devastated (and still am in other ways). I really believed in her. She was doing so well. We were planning on having a second child after she was finished with her methadone treatment/detox. She was down to what amounted to about the smallest dose of methadone before being taken completely off of it. I thought that chapter was over in her (our) life. I was never a heroin or hard drug user, so it was and is difficult for me to really understand the addiction to this drug.

She died though. She is gone. I am left alone with our beautiful son. I would have never imagined the challenges I have faced from this tragedy. Dealing with raising our child by myself, dealing with in-laws, home ownership - We bought a "fixer uppper" that we were going to remodel and repair together. It is difficult to do this alone and the way some of my so-called friends and relatives have been following this loss is often frustrating.


When I first met her I had no idea she was a recovering addict. Only after I really fell in love with her did I find out about her addiction. But she appeared to me to really be serious about staying clean and her recovery, and she was for the most part, for the nearly seven years I knew, loved and shared a home with her. I always trusted her. But then this happened.

I miss her so much, I forgive her, but I have days where I find myself profoundly upset with her. Mine and my son's lives have been forever altered. This loss was like most : pure heartbreak and complexity. So much confusion and unanswered questions.

I am so sorry for anyone who has lost anyone they loved. To lose your spouse at such a young age is another kind of tragedy. To lose them to heroin, when you believe that they are working hard to be clean and in recovery....My son will never know his mother. It breaks my heart. I am doing better nearly two years later, but sometimes, like today, I hit a wall and feel so heartbroken and terrible over her death. Even though I get angry or depressed to varying degrees, mostly I just miss the beautiful woman who married and loved me and gave me such a beautiful son. I just miss her. She was loving and caring and always there for me, even when I was much less than a perfect husband, which was on a semi-regular basis.

Anyway, I am so sorry for your losses. My hope is that one day heroin addiction will be treated by society as a public health issue rather than a criminal one shrouded in myths and shame and guilt. So many wonderful, talented, and amazing people have been claimed by this drug. I don't know what else to say about it. Nothing I can ever say or do will ever bring her or anyone else back that has fallen to this drug.

Thanks for reading this.

#2 ModKonnie

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Posted 04 April 2011 - 05:18 AM

Hey my name is Lauren and I lost my fiance to a heroin overdose jan 30 of this year. He was 25, our daughter Dahlia is now 6months and 2 weeks old. He was in ny working on getting better, or he was supposed to be getting help for his problems before our daughter was born. He was supposed to come home, meet his daugher and never did. I get by everyday, i have no idea how. We had known eachother 9 years and have been together 6 years. He had a really hard childhood, his mother is an addict. Out of 4 children he was the oldest and the only one she raised. He was abused emotionally physically, he never had the support he needed to get better not having much family at all, his father also died of a heroin overdose at age 27 when Billy was 5. Every day seems to get harder, as he is everywhere and in everything. My daughter looks so much like him, and as she gets older hitting milestones, i cry every time, alittle cause im excited she did something, and then cause i know hes not here watching her too. He was my soulmate my best friend. the person i was closest to in this whole world. I feel so numb, but in the worst pain I've ever felt all at the same time. I talk to him alot when im alone, or with my daughter. I dont know how people live like this. I want to see my daughter grow, for her to have a better childhood than he did, and to know how much her daddy loved her and did want her, wanted to be with us, but I want to be with him, nothing is the same, including who i am now. I think i have changed so much without him i hate this depressive sad person i have become. Everyone keeps telling me to talk to a therapist or someone but idk if it will help, his ashes, his tshirt or necklace are so important to me, but then i remember how unimportant they really are that they are not him and im always looking for something to make me feel closer to him again. I dont do drugs, bearly drink and i cannot understand addiction i have been very supportive of him getting better as he has been in and out of prison due to drug offenses, How do people stay alive after losing a husband? I continue but i am so lost without him here. so sorry this is so long i just dont know how this works, im trying anything cause i feel like im losing my mind between being fake smiles all day at school and never letting my lil girl see me fall apart no matter how old she is, i think she can feel it.

Hi Lauren,
I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your fiance. It is very hard to understand addiction, particularly when you've never been addicted. I work at a college in a prison, and I see the effects of addiction on people's lives all the time.
Therapy or counseling will help you to find ways to deal with your grief. For now, you take it a little at a time and you keep moving forward whether you feel like it or not. Cry when you want to, and little by little things will start to look better.
Do you have a family to help you? Do you have any close friends?
You can come talk to us about this. Talking really does help you see your way through the black flog and gray depression. We will be here for you.
ModKonnie

#3 DahliaAvallyne

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Posted 02 April 2011 - 04:53 PM

Hey my name is Lauren and I lost my fiance to a heroin overdose jan 30 of this year. He was 25, our daughter Dahlia is now 6months and 2 weeks old. He was in ny working on getting better, or he was supposed to be getting help for his problems before our daughter was born. He was supposed to come home, meet his daugher and never did. I get by everyday, i have no idea how. We had known eachother 9 years and have been together 6 years. He had a really hard childhood, his mother is an addict. Out of 4 children he was the oldest and the only one she raised. He was abused emotionally physically, he never had the support he needed to get better not having much family at all, his father also died of a heroin overdose at age 27 when Billy was 5. Every day seems to get harder, as he is everywhere and in everything. My daughter looks so much like him, and as she gets older hitting milestones, i cry every time, alittle cause im excited she did something, and then cause i know hes not here watching her too. He was my soulmate my best friend. the person i was closest to in this whole world. I feel so numb, but in the worst pain I've ever felt all at the same time. I talk to him alot when im alone, or with my daughter. I dont know how people live like this. I want to see my daughter grow, for her to have a better childhood than he did, and to know how much her daddy loved her and did want her, wanted to be with us, but I want to be with him, nothing is the same, including who i am now. I think i have changed so much without him i hate this depressive sad person i have become. Everyone keeps telling me to talk to a therapist or someone but idk if it will help, his ashes, his tshirt or necklace are so important to me, but then i remember how unimportant they really are that they are not him and im always looking for something to make me feel closer to him again. I dont do drugs, bearly drink and i cannot understand addiction i have been very supportive of him getting better as he has been in and out of prison due to drug offenses, How do people stay alive after losing a husband? I continue but i am so lost without him here. so sorry this is so long i just dont know how this works, im trying anything cause i feel like im losing my mind between being fake smiles all day at school and never letting my lil girl see me fall apart no matter how old she is, i think she can feel it.

#4 ModKonnie

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Posted 04 January 2011 - 06:45 PM

Hi there, this is my first time posting, but I just wanted to tell you that you are absolutely not alone. I lost my husband of 8 years to a drug overdose just 3 weeks ago. I know what you mean about reaching for the phone- I do it all day long. I keep thinking, "oh, I need to tell him that" or "I haven't talked to him today, why hasn't he called me yet?" It always takes a couple of seconds for me to remember that he's gone. So its those times when I try to go be by myself and talk to him alone. It might sound crazy but it makes me feel better.

Right now I'm struggling with the thought of being alone for the rest of my life, and then the guilt that I feel for wanting to not be alone. No one could ever or will ever replace him- but I haven't been alone in 10 years (all of my adult life) and I am so scared that I will have to raise our daughter by myself.

Anyway, I don't want to hijack your thread, I just wanted to let you know that you are definitely not alone.

HI Laurenlou,
I want to welcome you, too, to our community. I am glad you stopped by to share your story. We all need support, and when we get it from people who have experienced similar tragedies, it's sometimes more helpful. Thank you for being so considerate despite your recent loss and grieving. We are here to support you also.
ModKonnie

#5 Laurenlou

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Posted 04 January 2011 - 05:02 PM

Hi there, this is my first time posting, but I just wanted to tell you that you are absolutely not alone. I lost my husband of 8 years to a drug overdose just 3 weeks ago. I know what you mean about reaching for the phone- I do it all day long. I keep thinking, "oh, I need to tell him that" or "I haven't talked to him today, why hasn't he called me yet?" It always takes a couple of seconds for me to remember that he's gone. So its those times when I try to go be by myself and talk to him alone. It might sound crazy but it makes me feel better.

Right now I'm struggling with the thought of being alone for the rest of my life, and then the guilt that I feel for wanting to not be alone. No one could ever or will ever replace him- but I haven't been alone in 10 years (all of my adult life) and I am so scared that I will have to raise our daughter by myself.

Anyway, I don't want to hijack your thread, I just wanted to let you know that you are definitely not alone.

#6 ModKonnie

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Posted 03 January 2011 - 06:53 AM

On December 4th I received the call I think I always knew I was going to get. My husband of 5 years, partner and best friend for 12+ years had been found dead of a drug overdose, I feel like the only person going through this. We had no children, it was always just the two of us and our dogs and cats. I am not saying that my husband was a saint or our relationship was perfect, in fact I had moved from NJ where we lived to TX only 4 months earlier to escape what had become a toxic and dangerous environment. For the last year he had been hanging out with guys who used heroin and cocaine and being a recovering addict who had spent time in prison this was not a helay relaationship. He was unable to find anyone who would give him half a chance with a job because of the felonies he had done time for more than 8 years earlier even though he had just graduated from Rown University with a bachelor's degree in Sociology. There is not a day that goes by that I dont think about him and hesitate when I reach for the phone to call him. What do I do now? I am 34 years old and have just moved to a new state where I know no one. Its great to be with my parents but I need more. I need people my age. I dont want to be the third wheel in my parents' lives. I feel like I'm going to be alone forever but I really cant see finding anyone as special as him...

Hi and welcome to our community,
I am terribly sorry to hear about the tragic loss of your husband. Your situation is sadly tragic and unfortunate, but it is not all that unusual, and you are definitely not alone. During my regular job, I am the college supervisor for a women's prison. I honestly hear these types of sad stories constantly. Drug abuse is an awful problem in our country, one that tears families apart and ruins lives.
You've probably heard this before, but you truly need to join a support group of some type. Try looking for a local chapter of Narcotics Anonymous, and they may be able to lead you to the proper support group for people in your situation who have experienced what you are going through. Living with a person who suffered from an addiction takes its toll on people and affects them, too.
In the meantime, is there some organization you are interested in? A church group? A fitness club? A signing group?

You will not be alone forever. But for now, grieve for him and keep moving forward as you are trying to do. We will be here to support and encourage you. I look forward to talking with you.
ModKonnie

#7 mywelshcorgi

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Posted 02 January 2011 - 03:18 AM

On December 4th I received the call I think I always knew I was going to get. My husband of 5 years, partner and best friend for 12+ years had been found dead of a drug overdose, I feel like the only person going through this. We had no children, it was always just the two of us and our dogs and cats. I am not saying that my husband was a saint or our relationship was perfect, in fact I had moved from NJ where we lived to TX only 4 months earlier to escape what had become a toxic and dangerous environment. For the last year he had been hanging out with guys who used heroin and cocaine and being a recovering addict who had spent time in prison this was not a helay relaationship. He was unable to find anyone who would give him half a chance with a job because of the felonies he had done time for more than 8 years earlier even though he had just graduated from Rown University with a bachelor's degree in Sociology. There is not a day that goes by that I dont think about him and hesitate when I reach for the phone to call him. What do I do now? I am 34 years old and have just moved to a new state where I know no one. Its great to be with my parents but I need more. I need people my age. I dont want to be the third wheel in my parents' lives. I feel like I'm going to be alone forever but I really cant see finding anyone as special as him...




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