Cannot get out of bed

[Dotdot]

Today is day 6 and I cannot get out of bed. I came home from the funeral on Wednesday and got into bed and I've been here since. I was my mother's carer so my entire life was focused around her. Now that she's gone I have no reason to get out of bed. Nobody needs me. Along the way I lost touch with my friends. I wasn't able to go away for the weekend or go for a long brunch and one by one they all stopped communicating. I have nobody to talk to and no reason for living anymore. I wish I could take a vacation and get away but any savings I had will be gone now on the funeral. Everything seems so pointless right now. 

[Monty]

I am so sorry. The night of my mum's funeral and the day after were very difficult for me too. I think I would have stayed in bed too if I did not have 2 young children to care for.

At the moment you just need to take everyday as it comes and even every hour and minute. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you need. I have just purchased a journal and I am hoping that writing in that may help me, even just a little. Yesterday i listened to some music too. Sometimes it's the little things. 

Stay strong. Hugs to you. 

[Dotdot]

58 minutes ago, Monty said:

I am so sorry. The night of my mum's funeral and the day after were very difficult for me too. I think I would have stayed in bed too if I did not have 2 young children to care for.

At the moment you just need to take everyday as it comes and even every hour and minute. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you need. I have just purchased a journal and I am hoping that writing in that may help me, even just a little. Yesterday i listened to some music too. Sometimes it's the little things. 

Stay strong. Hugs to you. 

 

 

Thanks Monty. I'm taking it harder than everyone else because I'm the only one without kids/spouse so it's going to take me a while to figure out who I even am anymore. When you're caregiving 24/7 you just put everything out of mind, it's probably a protection mechanism because if I had sat home for the past two years thinking of all the things other people my age were doing I would have been eaten up with bitterness and resentment. * I read that explanation today in an article and it makes sense. I long to be able to watch tv again even. I tried today and after a couple minutes my mind wanders back to mom.  I had read so much about death/dying since mom was diagnosed but nothing can prepare you for the pain and the guilt when the pain eases even for a moment.

[Monty]

I worry for my sister who is in a similar situation to you (although she did not care for Mum as she passed suddenly). My sister also has no partner or children and a lot of it has fallen on her. She is currently staying with our Dad whilst still paying rent on her flat. I appreciate her sacrifices. I know it is very hard for you both. Do you have siblings you can lean on during this difficult time? 

[Dotdot]

Hi Monty. No I don't. Brother is 14 years older (we both feel like only children I think) and already gone home to his wife/kids. Your sister is lucky she is appreciated. Despite being mom's carer I was very much swept to the side since she passed (not intentionally I think). I'm sort of stuck between two generations. My brothers oldest kid is only 4 years younger than me. Because I'm the youngest and then stayed home to care from mom I think I'm just taken for granted and nobody thinks that I didn't want to stay home but did it out of love and respect but of course deep down I wanted to be partying/dating/travelling etc...  Throughout mom's illness my brother was working all day to keep his mind occupied and had a family and played basketball and had poker nights. He visited for 3 hours on Saturday mornings. I've been there every single day with nothing to occupy my mind or give me a distraction. I feel like I've been fired from a job I've had for decades. I still instinctively look at the clock to see if it's time to change mom's diaper. Everyone addresses everything to my brother and I get lumped in with his kids as the "young people" It sucks all around. 

[Monty]

I cannot imagine how hard it must be to not be appreciated for the sacrifices you have made to care for your Mum. I have 2 young children but I am still conscious of making sure that my sister does not take on everything. My brother and I are here too. 

Have you thought about seeking counselling for yourself? This might help you work through some of this. 

Do you have some friends to support you at all? Or extended family, like cousins. 

Btw... I think what you did for your mum is amazing. It takes a dedicated, selfless, caring person to take on such a hard role. 

Hugs to you. 

 

 

 

[Dotdot]

Thank you Monty. Yes I'm going to look for counselling. I'm hoping it will help.

 

I do have aunts and uncles( dads side), no cousins. I won't elaborate too much or you'll really thinking you're reading the script for a bad soap opera! But my aunts and uncles suffer from alcoholism. My aunt came to the funeral and was wonderful. We went to have a quiet chat afterwards and it was lovely. She told me she would stay with me for a few days and she was going to tell my brother she was staying (they went out to eat) and she would be back. That was 5 days ago and I haven't heard from her since. I know that when she went to talk to my brother at the steakhouse she started drinking and when she does that it turns into a massive binge so I'm not insulted because that's alcoholics. You cannot depend on them for 2 seconds and I know if my mom was here she would be laughing because over the years we saw it all with the alcohol problem in dad's family. We would often recount all the false promises and have a giggle. 

 

I do appreciate your words and your sister is a lucky lady. Caregiving is an emotional roller coaster and I think many of us are taken for granted. You cannot imagine the things you'll do until you're there. I know I'm dealing with the results of suppressing all the things I saw as mom declined too. 

[Monty]

How are you doing today DotDot?