Loss of my Father

[Seth_20]

Hello, my name is Seth, I am 16 years old.  I have lost my father about 2 months ago now.  It has been hard for me to deal with everything being the oldest in a family of 2 other siblings.  With me being the oldest, I feel I have to be strong for not only my mom, but for my younger brother and sister as well.  I do have some support to lean on.  I talk to my high school counselor as well as I have 1 good friend.  He helps me a lot through everything.  My family, on the other hand, is not there to support me or my immediate family.  I have no family support, actually they all throw the death of my father in my mom and I's face.  I find it hard now because we still know nothing as to why my father passed at the age of 35.  He was at work one day and I got woken up at 7:00 a.m by my mom saying, "Get up and get ready, wake the other two and get downstairs.  Dad just got taken to the hospital in an ambulance."  I finally got to the hospital at around 7:30 when they sat me down in a room with my mom and broke the news that my father had passed away.  We still have no answers as to the cause and everything in that aspect.  I just don't know how or even want to thing about how I'm going to continue, or start, my life without my dad.  He was everything to me, and he was my role model.  I find myself asking god "why?"  I have all these people telling me it will get better, and I hate that statement.  It wont get better.  Better would be if my dad was still here.  I feel like there really aren't people that I know that can relate to what I've been through.  Without a cause of death, we cannot change the deed on our house and therefore are soon being faced with losing our home.  I try to keep my grades up in school and get straight A's for college but its hard to concentrate when all I can think about is our home.  I work to help pay bills around the house so that we have running water in the house.  All of these changes and things have all stemmed off of the loss of my father.  He was the only source of income in our house and now I have taken over that role temporarily at 16.  I'm stressed to the max and am scared to lose everything.  Any thoughts?

[Yah, I've Got Issues]

Oh dear young man, this is way too much for a 16 year old.  I was in my mid-40'd when my dad died and it was stressful to say the least.  Plus you are taking on the added burden of acting as the man of the house and trying to keep it together for your siblings. 

I'm glad you are talking to your school counselor.  You might even want to explore a professional grief counselor.  You and your mom can also look into social services programs to help offset the housing/utility/food costs.  You cannot do this alone.

I'm sorry to hear your extended family is not being supportive; that's crummy.  As you go through life, you will need to identify positive male role models to step in. 

Watch for the good in the world.  I know it's hard right now.  Grief has a progression.  It's painful, then numbing, and then super painful again.  But in time, you will adjust to the new normal.  You will have that ache, but you have to keep going.  Take it one day at a time.

Hugs to you...