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Grieving at 15


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Hello, I am very new to this forum as I just joined a few seconds ago.

I recently lost my Grandmother 3-4 weeks ago just before the school holidays started, she was 81.

I am still finding life very hard and at times I feel like I don't want to continue with my own life, I know that everyone dies but I don't want any of that to happen. 

I still have my mother, my dad, my 2 brothers, my grandma from my mums side and my grandparents from my dads side but I'm only really close to my mums side of the family.                         If anyone is wondering she died from a hemorrhagic stroke and died in the hospital that day, it was such a shock and it was very weird also. That day I wokeup feeling very sad and depressed, I told my mum i didnt want to go to school as I was feeling sad. She made an appointment to the doctors for me to talk to them and on the way to the doctors my mum got a call from her brother saying my grandma wasnt feeling well and collapsed. We drove to her house and I waited in the car while my parents went inside, the ambulance was already there. When she came out in the wheelchair she looked so bad, I haven't experienced anything like that at all, not even death besides my dog and rabbit. 

While they went inside I tried to stay positive by praying to god that everything will be alright, even when she came out of the house I still stayed positive, till the end. 

I don't know what to do anymore, I don't want to go on with my life and go to school. I wanted more time with her as I'm only 15, this feels like a bad bad dream that I want to wakeup from.

I know that she is in heaven and I've prayed that the Lord comforts the family but I haven't felt safe and comforted at all. 

I miss her so much.

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Hi there, so sorry for your loss Jake.  I think the first time someone experiences a serious loss is often very traumatic as that person hasn't had the chance to develop coping skills.  The good news is that you have the rest of your family lean on, though they are probably grieving too.  3 to 4 weeks is still very fresh, I think what you are feeling is normal, that doesn't make it pleasant.  If you can try to talk to your family about how your are feeling.  Alternatively, you could ask your parents about grief counseling.  I wish I had some words of wisdom that could make the pain go away, but I think it is part of the experience that can't be avoided, and maybe in some ways, shouldn't be avoided.  We are here for you in the meantime. 

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