young adults in grief

[seachelle]

Hello, I am not as young as some of the people who have posted on this site, but unfortunately at 34, I am still young enough to stand out among my friends as the one who has the elderly, ill parent.  Even at my age, and a full grown adult it is so isolating.  No one my age has ill parents, or elderly parents.  My mom was recently diagnosed with dementia and it's gotten worse in the last couple of months.  I find myself on a roller coaster of feeling fine one day and the next day barely able to function.  My father who I was never close to is also deceased so the looming fear of being an adult orphan is weighing on me.  I don't have my own kids yet and I find myself worrying about all the milestones my mom might miss.  I worry that if my husband and I get pregnant, my mom won't be able to participate, or may even fail to recall that I'm pregnant.  I don't know if I could cope with that as I already have mild anxiety/depression.  I feel silly writing this after reading posts from people much younger than myself but I can't escape the feeling of isolation.  I am so sorry that there are people so young, teens even, going through this grief!!!!  I don't know if any amount of age prepares you, but at least as you get older you know that other's your age are likely experiencing the same things.  I'm in a gray area where most of peers are not experiencing grief for a parent and expect me to be able to get on with life.  Naive on their part.  

[nutella1]

Don't feel guilty for struggling because you're older than some of us on here. You're really young and there are people in their 50s/60s that post their struggles on here, your loss is no less than anyone else's. You've not only dealt with a loss but have an ill parent at such a young age I can only imagine how hard it is. It's a very unfair situation.

I don't know what to say, but you're not on your own. 

Having no expectations of others can be helpful since they don't have a clue. 

[seachelle]

Thanks for replying.  It is helpful in a weird way to read posts on here and find that there are other young/youngish adults dealing with similar circumstances.

[MayFGL]

Dear Seachelle,

Please don't feel guilty or depressed after losing parent at a young age. I just became an adult orphan last year. I'm 49. My father died when I was a baby. I never knew him. My mother died in March 13, 2015 from a massive stroke. Nothing can prepare you for a parents death at any age. Yes, I agree with you that people want you to "get over" it when you're still grieving. They have never gone through what we went through. Everyone grieves differently. Just like my 'best friend' told me to move forward after 3 months of my mom's passing. She told to me to get rid of everything that reminds me of mom. Change my room around and change my curtains. I can't believe she told me this!!! She lost her mom over 10+ years ago.

Don't let anyone tell how how to grieve or how long to grieve. Take your time. Only you know when you're on the road to feeling better. Time is the healer. Best wishes and take care. Hugs.

May