Lost my boyfriend at 18

[salem]

When I was 18, my boyfriend of two and a half years died in a car accident on his way home from school. It's been a year and three months since then, and I've been feeling really lonely in my grief. The time when people wanted to hear me talk about him is long gone now. I don't have any friends and I'm not really close with his family anymore, so I just keep feeling increasingly alone. It doesn't help that it's hard to find grief resources for young people in my situation. On top of the loneliness, I'm also starting to feel increasing fear about death. His was sudden and probably very painful, and I'm terrified of the same thing happening to me. At first I tried to just ignore everything, because I thought maybe I could move on and forget about him, but clearly that's not going to happen. It's all just so frustrating and confusing, and trying to reach out for help never does anything, because nobody really gets it. I'm tired of being alone in this.

[claribassist13]

Salem, 

I can definitely feel for what you are going through. I am only 20, and I lost my fiance (19) about six months ago in a car accident as well. 
A situation likes ours is hard, mostly because people our age cannot relate to our pain/grief. We are so young, far too young to have to worry about these kind of things. And yet, here we are. Our friends start to drift from us because they cannot understand the sudden adult we have become. Yet, at the same time, adults don't take us seriously because we are still so young. They expect us to move on because we cannot possibly have found someone special at our age. It's an odd little box we've been placed into, and it seriously sucks. 

Have your had any sort of grief counseling? A grief counselor would be able to help you process through your increasing phobias and help you process through the loss of your boyfriend. It sounds like you've been trying to avoid it, and I am sure that you have realized that avoid it doesn't really work.
Most of all, just find some people you can talk to. Feel free to private message me if you would like to talk to someone who has been in a similar situation. We are all here for you!  

[salem]

13 hours ago, claribassist13 said:

Salem, 

I can definitely feel for what you are going through. I am only 20, and I lost my fiance (19) about six months ago in a car accident as well. 
A situation likes ours is hard, mostly because people our age cannot relate to our pain/grief. We are so young, far too young to have to worry about these kind of things. And yet, here we are. Our friends start to drift from us because they cannot understand the sudden adult we have become. Yet, at the same time, adults don't take us seriously because we are still so young. They expect us to move on because we cannot possibly have found someone special at our age. It's an odd little box we've been placed into, and it seriously sucks. 

Have your had any sort of grief counseling? A grief counselor would be able to help you process through your increasing phobias and help you process through the loss of your boyfriend. It sounds like you've been trying to avoid it, and I am sure that you have realized that avoid it doesn't really work.
Most of all, just find some people you can talk to. Feel free to private message me if you would like to talk to someone who has been in a similar situation. We are all here for you!  

Exactly! Adults are so weird about it! I haven't had any actual grief counseling, but I'm still going to the same therapist that I've gone to since before the accident, so she helps me with my grief sometimes. I actually just got back from therapy, and I think what I've been avoiding is what came up today, because I just had this huge flood of emotions when I was talking about it. Thank you!

[claribassist13]

Seeing your therapist is great, but I would recommend seeing an actual grief counselor as well. It may help you to keep things separate for a while.